I would rather live on the Moon... than deal with a difficult person!

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PART ONE

Can you recall the last time you had to deal with a negative or difficult person? Or the last time someone said something with the intention of hurting you? Yes... even Christians say and do things that hurt others, intentionally. How did you handle it?

Well, there’s always the process of seeking to restore your relationship with the offensive person, following the Biblical counsel on seeking and extending forgiveness. That should always be your first course of action when interpersonal relationships break down among Christians.

Unfortunately, that may be your expectation, but not necessarily the intent of the person who offends you. We are living in very stressful times and people’s emotions and nerves are more frayed than ever. Even in God’s Church, we will have to deal with people who are negative, people who oppose our ideas, people who simply don’t like us.

Interpersonal conflict is a fact of life in a fallen world. Such conflict existed in the first century congregations, among prominent brothers, even among leaders of the fledgling church. Our emotions, hurt and bruised by the insensitive actions and words of others drive us to our most basic survival instinct... “react and attack” to defend ourselves. When “forgiveness” doesn’t effectively restore and sustain relationships among brothers and sisters, what can you do to get through these situations with peace and grace?

We need to know each other very well. Most Christians fail to comprehend the importance of knowing and understanding what makes their fellow believers “tick” . Let’s accept the fact that in a sin-filled fallen world there will be difficult people, so-called Christians, working with us in the church. Dealing with them successfully, begins with having a comprehensive understanding of human personalities and how people relate to one another. Remember, not every believer is going to accept the Biblical counsel for relationship restoration, so we have to find ways to be at peace and work harmoniously with difficult people.

Usually, the difficult person is someone who is working from the negative side of their personality, rather than a conscious desire to be difficult. Remember Jesus own words... “Father forgive them for they know not what they do”. A difficult person is often completely unaware of themselves and how they affect others. More than likely they will not respond positively to any corrective Biblical counsel since they don’t see their actions as a personal attack on you. If confronted, they’re puzzled ...”how could what I said have offended anyone?” You’ve heard that old “mafiaesque” expression... “It’s not personal, it’s just business”. They carry that framework of interpersonal analysis with them from their secular relationships right into their relationships in the church.

There is great value to be gained when we take the time to try to understand another person’s viewpoint. It begins by changing our attitude toward difficult people and changing our viewpoint about what makes them "wrong". We can find a wealth of knowledge to improve our own ability to work with people by taking the time to get inside their heads. Don’t think of this as a compromise. Difficult Christian people are a “work in progress” just like you are. God is transforming them just like He is transforming you. So you don’t have to compromise as if surrendering your beliefs or convictions. A little pride... yes. Your pride must be set aside, if you ever hope to carve out a foundation for building a relationships with difficult brothers!

It’s important to remember that even though some people in the Church are difficult to deal with, you should not let such people cause you stress. I know, easier said than done.

The human reaction to being constantly on-guard or in the “attack to defend mode” is unhealthy spiritually and physically. There’s an old saying that sums up the problem of internalizing stress caused by others... “Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The only person we hurt is ourselves. When we react negativity to difficult people, we are disturbing our inner space, creating mental anguish within ourselves and dampening the power of the Holy Spirit to work in our lives. So, we need to figure out how to rise above the turmoil created by difficult brothers... because we are all His Work in Progress.

In the next two entries, I will identify types of difficult people we often find in the church and ways of dealing with them in the spirit of love and forbearance.