Two Logs and a Bunch of Fragments.......

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Two Christians have a relationship problem. One has offended the other... said something or done something that has seriously breached their relationship. You might say they don’t see “eye to eye” on much of anything right now... especially each other. The relationship is deteriorating. Each set of “eyes” sees the problem differently. The offended person is devastated and the one who has caused the problem... is probably thinking... “what’s the big deal”... get over it. Easier said than done!

In Matthew chapter 7, Jesus talks about large lumber, smaller fragment like pieces and our eyes. In verses 3-5 He says these profound words... "Why do you see the splinter in your brother's eye but not notice the log in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye,’ when you have the log in your own eye? You hypocrite! First, take the log out of your own eye; then you will see clearly, so that you can remove the splinter from your brother's eye!"

So what does this have to do with forgiveness? Bluntly speaking... forgiveness will never work, no matter how hard we try, as long as we are unwilling to see the offense only through the perspective of our own eyes. Here’s what I mean.

A “splinter” and a “log” can be the very same size when viewed by two people caught up in the struggle to forgive and be forgiven. Any splinter in your eye feels like a “log.” The hurt and pain is the same. When we sense that our brother is offended because of “some little thing we did to him”... we may rationalize for our own self-defense that it’s a small splinter like offense. We must remember, that in his eye this “little thing” from our perspective, is quite possibly a log or beam from his point-of-view. We may think we are only 10% wrong, but in his eye, we are 90% wrong.

We tend to minimize our offenses done to others. We quickly seek various validations and justifications for our words and actions that absolve us of responsibility for hurting someone. At the very least, this attitude serves to build your defense posture for why you are less responsible than your offended brother thinks you are. You say to yourself... “I never intended to hurt him, so maybe he should just just let it go”. It doesn’t work that way among Christians. Letting it go only buries a problem below the surface and allows spiritually destructive bitterness to take root in your heart. Sensitivity to others is essential for laying a solid foundation upon which forgiveness can be extended and accepted.

So what do we need to understand about forgiveness? Does it apply to the splinter in our brother's eye, or to the log in our own eye? Both, and it’s not the size of the obstruction that matters! Mostly importantly, to break a negative and emotionally charged focus on trying to mitigate responsibility for an offense done to a brother, we need to stop and view the offender and offended from God's perspective. What is God thinking? Well, in a nut shell, He holds both the offended and offender equally responsible for pursuing reconciliation. No one is less or more responsible than the other. It’s not a matter of who seeks the other first or who speaks first. Both parties in the eyes of God, are commanded to seek one another and restore communication. (Matthew 18:15; Luke 17:3) This has to be one of the hardest things we do as Christians!

Many Christians have incorrectly assumed that they may forgive, but they will never forget the hurt that was done to them. That’s not forgiveness... not even close. It is however a highway to lifelong bitterness. It’s true, in your mind the offended and offender may remember what happened for a period of time, but genuine forgiveness will make the offense fade into obscurity. It’s true your relationship may change... but it should become better. Conflict among Christians does not have to drive a wedge between you. It can also build bridges. Two people engaged in true forgiveness can become more connected than ever before. That’s what God wants... that’s what He expects.

A wound, especially if it is deep, won’t heal overnight. God also knows that about us. We must not allow a negative memory of a conflict with a brother in Christ to disrupt our pursuit of reconciliation. Keep this in mind... in granting forgiveness, you have effectively given a promise to the person who offended you, that the offense in question will never be mentioned again. You won’t mention it ever again to the offender, throwing it in his face when something in your relationship doesn’t go as you think it should. You won’t “open your heart” about it with someone else. That’s an attempt to find “allies” against your brother.

Finally, you won’t indulge in self-pity, dwelling on the offense in your mind. That’s carrying it around like a precious treasured wound. As soon as negative thoughts arise in your mind, turn to God and pray for the welfare of your brother’s soul. Ask God to help you keep your promise in forgiveness. Ask Him to help you strengthen your relationship with your brother. When you learn to react in this manner, you will soon discover that all past offenses will whither away to insignificance.

Seeking and extending forgiveness among brothers and sisters in Christ is real serious business. Failure to take forgiveness as seriously as God does, makes a dangerous mockery of what Jesus has commanded us to do among one another. It most certainly makes a mockery of what God the Father and the Son have done for us. (John 3:16) The Bible does not permit us to add any of our own terms and conditions to forgiveness. It’s not negotiable. We forgive one another because God has forgiven us!

Forgiveness is not easy. It takes a massive dose of humility to reach out to someone you have deeply hurt or for an offended one to reach towards you for restoration. God understands how challenging it is for us to trust someone after having been grievously hurt. Thankfully, God supplies us with love to forgive and love to rebuild a trusting and lasting relationship. Love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7).

Be a steward of forgiveness. Seek it, extend it, accept it. Forgiveness can bring peace to the soul of the forgiver and the forgiven. A cloud of anger, bitterness and resentment will be lifted, a log will be cast from your eye.

No one ever said being a Christian would be easy.