Christians have to be willing to forgive one another and willing to strive for grace. Micah 7:18 tells us why God forgives: "Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy."
God forgives because He delights in showing mercy. God does get angry. He does demonstrate wrath, but that is not the way He wants to deal with humanity. God delights in showing mercy when we present ourselves to him open and willing to abide by His commands. Do we treat others the same?
Be honest with yourself and honest with God: When you release somebody, when you tell him or her that you forgive, do you walk away with steam coming out of your ears, or do you yourself feel released, relieved, because you’ve removed a weight from your mind and heart? If we really have forgiven, we will feel relieved of a burden. Achieving that may take time, but the decision to forgive will set us on the right path.
In Luke 6:35, Jesus sets the high standard of kingdom living: Love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Being willing to forgive, in the end, is not grudging obedience to a God who is saying, "Can't we all just get along?" Being merciful happens, really happens, only when God's character is impressed on the warped hardness of our character.
Often the letting go of forgiveness happens only after the truth of a problem has been confronted and put squarely on the table. Confronting someone may not come easily for you, but it may be the most merciful thing you do for someone you care about. Jesus said in Luke 17:3... "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him."
That's the ideal situation we'd all hope for — a mistake, a confrontation, an apology and finally, forgiveness. We should hope for the ideal, while realizing many times we'll have to let go of someone even if he or she isn't convinced he or she has done anything wrong towards us.
Forgiveness is a ministry. Jesus set out a protocol for forgiveness when in Matthew 18 He said: "If you have something serious against someone, something dangerous or scandalous, first of all go to him. Then, after that, you may need to draw other people into a process of confrontation; but you don't begin there." Forgiveness is a ministry not just to the people you forgive, but as an example to a world that easily harbors resentment and revenge towards people. Living with an attitude that forgiveness is a ministry shows that there is a better way to solving problems.
So this is how forgiveness works... when you need to be forgiven and you know it because you're being eaten up on the inside, you come clean with God, yourself and in some cases with someone you have offended. If you need to forgive someone else, you draw on the deep well of mercy, you confront the problem, you let go, and then you let the process of release begin.
Sounds easy, right? Sometimes forgiveness is amazingly easy, and sometimes there are huge roadblocks.
Let's say you know right now, today, that you need to forgive someone. Forgiveness means taking the initiative, but there may be roadblocks. Bitterness can hold you back from forgiveness. We have to view bitterness as a toxin in our spirits. Talking to God about what went wrong or a trusted fellow Christian who will listen and offer counsel, may help us let go of bitterness.
Vindictiveness can be another roadblock. If you say you're willing to forgive, but only after you get revenge, then there isn't much chance you'll forgive. Revenge is good for nothing, absolutely nothing. It accomplishes no good purpose. It ruins the person seeking revenge as your unwillingness to forgive prolongs rancor, reprisals and ruthless retaliation.
Are there limits to forgiveness? Jesus' disciple Peter asked Jesus one day (Matt. 18:21-22) if there was a maximum number of instances of forgiveness: maybe seven times? Jesus' famous reply: "No, not seven times, but seven times seventy," lets us know there is no three-strikes-and-you're-out policy when it comes to forgiveness. If that were the case, none of us could be forgiven by God.
There are however limits to forgiveness when the offender does not admit an offense. Let's say you come to the point of wanting to forgive your brother for having been cruel to you when you were growing up. You've resented him for years; but now you're an adult, you've got your own kids, and you just want to let the past go. You can do that. You can let him go, and you can tell him you've been bitter about the past and decided to let the matter go.
Now if your brother recognizes he did damage and apologizes, that's the best possible outcome; but maybe he won't feel and say those words. What if his response is... "I don't have a clue what you're talking about; and anything I dished out to you years ago, little brother, you probably deserved it "? Well, that certainly takes the joy out of forgiveness, but it does not prevent you from letting him go.
Another limitation to forgiveness is when the offense is ongoing. An alcoholic may become remorseful and loathe himself when he gets sober. He may apologize profusely and swear he'll never drink again, but if family members cannot forgive because the same ugly cycle plays itself out again and again, then the limitation of forgiveness is not coming from unforgiving hearts.
Another limitation to forgiveness is that you cannot forgive someone for an offense against someone else. A woman cannot forgive her husband for abusing their children, for instance.
It's not an exaggeration to say that if you don't know how to forgive, you don't know how to live and know little of God's nature and character. Making it real means unleashing the liberating power of forgiveness.
In Jeremiah's prophecy about the new covenant (Jer. 31:34), God says: "I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."
It is not that God becomes unaware of history. God does not remember our sins in the sense that He doesn't hold them against us. God wants us to move, with Him, in a completely restored relationship into the future. If you have ever worried that you haven't forgiven because you haven't forgotten, remember that forgetting means the matter moves to the back file drawer of your mind. It’s filed away, left in the past, but it does not mean you can wipe it from your memory. It’s there... it’s just no longer a barrier to fellowship with your brother or sister.
Second Chronicles 7:14 says... "If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."
Forgiveness is linked to health, health in the life of the individual, and health in the life of the church. The people "who are called by [God's] name," the church, have to be ready at any time to repent and turn toward God.
Forgiveness is not just what the world needs... forgiveness is what changes the world.
