Children Are a Blessing from God, Not an Inconvenience

Marriage was designed by the Creator to be a lasting, stable union where the intimacies and blessings of relationships can be safely and purposely enjoyed. A Godly marriage is one where children can grow and be nurtured in a stable environment to become useful and productive citizens in the secular community as well as life-long servants of the Living God.

One of the tragic consequence of the pervasive defilement of our God-given institution of marriage, is the widely accepted view that children are an inconvenience—even among married Christian couples. Children interfere with their preferred lifestyle and independence. Some parents openly declare that they "just can't wait" until their children are out of the house.

What a tragedy for humanity, not to appreciate the great blessing of children. God has an entirely different view. The Psalmist wrote these words under inspiration for our edification... Children are a heritage from the LORD,  offspring a reward from him. 
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. (Psalm 127:3-5a, NIV).

There are not many people in twenty-first-century America with the Psalmist’s viewpoint on children. A modern interpretation might sound more like this... Children are a burden from the LORD,  offspring must be His way of oppressing us... As the source of endless work and continual aggravation, so are the children of one’s youth. Unhappy is the man who hears his neighbor ask, “Do all those kids belong to you?”

We can understand why people might feel that way. Many children are rebellious, disobedient, disrespectful, and unmannerly... not very pleasant to be around. It’s no wonder that some people have decided not to have any at all when they see the results in other highly stressed families. What has gone wrong? Where did we lose sight of God’s perspective?

Psalm 127:1 may provide us with a clue. “Unless the LORD builds the house,  the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city,  the guards stand watch in vain.” Stable and successful families are built by God. He is the architect and the general contractor of the family arrangement. He has drawn the blueprint, and he wants to provide the direction and give the orders. All he needs are some laborers to work diligently with Him in designing a family. He needs husbands, wives and children who will study the blueprint provided in His Word, then follow his directions exactly and precisely. Any other process based on any other philosophy is going to result frustration and failure.

The basic problems in many families is simply this... a willful departure from God’s blueprint and a substitution of man-made philosophies for governing life. God is no longer the architect and builder. We are following instead the blueprint drawn up by psychiatrists, psychologists, modern educators, doctors, and even syndicated columnists who think themselves qualified by knowledge gained from books written by the aforementioned purveyors of worldly wisdom, to tell us how to raise our children. Much of the advice we get from these sources is good. But if some parts of a blueprint are good and other parts are faulty, the result is going to be a poorly built structure. The Bible is still the best textbook ever written with the best advice for managing all aspects of life, especially rearing children. We need to find out what it says and obey it. “Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain.”

It is somewhat gratifying to see an increasing alarm about the situation. Psychologists, Sociologists and others are warning people of the dangers of an unhappy home and are trying to offer advice that will help repair the damage. Will such efforts work? Not really. Unless people are willing to turn their hearts and homes over to the Lord, nothing will change. Listen to the Psalmist again. “Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.”

No ancient city was safe from attack no matter how thick its walls nor alert its guards unless God was protecting it. Likewise, no home and family is safe from the attack of Satan unless it has been consciously committed to the Lord, unless Dad and Mom have surrendered and submitted to letting God be central in the families affairs. God must be in charge, His Word must prevail above all other wisdom, if families are to weather the storms of raising children in a fallen world. The families where Jesus Christ reigns as Lord in the lives of every family member are homes that will tower above the rest in love, serenity, happiness, mutual concern for one another, and the ability to adjust to people, pressures and challenges from outside the home.

Some folks think there are other ways to produce a happy home. For example, Work, work, work, as hard as you can. Provide all the material things of this world for your children. Maybe that will make them happy. If Dad doesn’t make enough money to do it, Mom must go to work too.

Read on in Psalm 127:2... “In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat— for He grants sleep to those he loves.” The bread of sorrows is simply bread secured through toil and trouble. Food is essential for life, but God can provide it without taking fathers and mothers away from their children day and night to pursue that elusive and almighty dollar. God has no time for laziness. He blesses honest hard work, but He can supply the things we need without anxious efforts and ceaseless self-activity. God’s priorities are always perfectly harmonious and aligned with His purposes. Our priorities are rarely in harmony and often out of alignment with His plan for our families. The Psalmist says God provides for his beloved ones, literally, “in sleep.” The metaphor here being life lived in His will... brings a calm, restful, confident trust in Him. If you let Him, God will take of you and your family and all your needs. Might not always be what you want, but it will always be what you need.

Maybe you are well on your way down the precarious path of parenthood. When you look at your child, what do you see? A nerve-shattering machine, or a heritage, a glorious gift from the Lord? A house-wrecker, or a heritage, a glorious gift from the Lord? A work-maker, or a heritage, a glorious gift from the Lord? A source of embarrassment before your friends, or a heritage, a glorious gift from the Lord? A competitor for your spouse’s attention, or a heritage, a glorious gift from the Lord?

If you’ve experienced those feelings, maybe you need God to help you get your perspective straight. “Lord, help me see my children as a blessed gift from your gracious hand.” You may need to pray those or similar words many times a day for a long while, but it could be the beginning of some exciting new changes in your home, the gateway to genuine joy in your relationship with your children.

Children are much more sensitive to our attitudes toward them than we ever imagine. They learn to respond to us with the same sort of attitudes they’ve received from you. They act as they sense you are acting toward them, and that’s where most of their discipline problems begin. Oh, we love them, but they make so many demands on us that inconvenience and bother us. So our old natures rebel and we let them know in subtle little ways that they are a bother. What happens? Well, they become more of a bother. They won’t get much love and affection that way, but at least they’ll get attention, and that’s better than nothing. But they will grow up with hostilities, complexities, and resentments that defy description.

One day sooner than we think they’ll be gone, and you won’t remember the muddy shoes, the messy rooms, the embarrassing moments they caused you or the encroachments they made on your time. You’ll only remember the happy times you spent together. And you’ll wish there had been many more. There could have been if you had looked on them as a blessing from the Lord rather than a burden and a bother.

Children are not only a precious inheritance, they are also likened to arrows. There is a difference of opinion as to what this scriptural metaphor is intended to teach us. Arrows are a source of protection, and maybe the Psalmist was referring to the care and protection which children can give their parents in later years. But arrows, unlike swords, could go where the warrior himself could not reach. Such is the case with our children. From many a godly home arrows have reached to the ends of the earth, carrying the gospel message to sin-darkened hearts. They were like arrows in their Father’s [God’s hand] hand.

But arrows have to be made. They don’t just happen by accident and they won’t ever happen in a dysfunctional family. God gives us a child like a raw piece of wood, and asks us to shape him. So we whittle, sand, and polish, fashioning that stick into an arrow, straight and strong. Children are not just an inheritance, they are a sacred trust. God loans them to us for awhile to prepare them for His use. Remember, He is the great Potter and in our children, He allows us to work with Him in shaping our them into worthy vessels for His use.

Our children belong to God, and the sooner we acknowledge that, the more willing we will become in working with Him in the shaping process. One dramatic way of acknowledging it is to dedicate them to God. If they belong to him anyway, then let us decisively acknowledge that by consecrating them to his use for his glory just as Hannah and Elkanah did with their son, Samuel (1 Sam. 1:9-28). Let us promise God that with his help we will mold their young lives into the kind of people He wants them to be. Set up a life-long pattern of accountability to God where your children are concerned. Hold yourself to your commitment and God will bless you abundantly.

A husband and wife ought to give their child to God even before he is born. And they should pray together after the birth of the child, willingly dedicating themselves to train him as God’s Word directs. The most important thing you will ever do as a parent for your children, is to covenant with God to raise them as a sacred trust... arrows to be shaped for God’s glory and purpose.

Raising children is a serious responsibility. Almost any job you pursue requires some specialized training before you’re qualified to do the job. But for the most important business in life, the shaping of young lives for God’s glory, we seem to think we can get away without any training or help. Too many people have the erroneous assumption that being a good parent comes naturally. On the contrary, it takes a great deal of study and continuous attention to the assignment. But God’s guidebook is available, and you can search it daily for the parenting help needed. Learn what God has to say about being a better parent.

The last verse in Psalm 127, verse “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.” How many children constitute a full quiver? That may vary with each couple depending on how many children you want to have. It can be one, two or twelve.

My quiver is full at four really cool daughters, but yours is between you and the Lord. It isn’t clear in the verse exactly who will not be ashamed, the parents or the children. But in a Christ-governed home where God is the builder and parents are laboring for Him, neither the parents nor the children will be ashamed of each other. But Satan, the enemy of God’s people, will be subdued and God will thus be glorified.

Isn’t that what you desire for your family? Dedicate yourself and your children to God. Ask Him to help you view them as a precious inheritance, arrows to be shaped, lives to be molded. Ask him to keep your eyes on the potential rather than the problems and to give you the wisdom you need for the great task ahead.

Caring for one of God’s Greatest Gifts... our Children.

NOTICE: TODAY'S ARTICLE IS A LONG ONE, BUT YOU REALLY DO NEED TO READ IT... EVERY WORD OF IT.

The Bible says, therefore God speaks these words for our benefit...

Ephesians 6:4... Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Matthew 19:14... Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Psalm 127:3... – Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward.

Children! Grand Children! Great Grand Children! I must tell you, the older you get the more precious and exciting and really cool children are! (I'm a grandpa!)

Sadly, as you look around our world and in American society, that’s not always the case. There is a growing epidemic of tension and frustration between one or both parents and their children. There are a myriad of reasons for why parents act towards their children the way they do. None of the often touted “excuses” justify what is happening to the countless innocent children abused and mistreated by parents who themselves were once abused and mistreated.

Attitudes today, embraced by many parents, stemming from feminism and liberalism have given birth to ideas that children are a curse, a burden, a bother, a chore, an inconvenience, an intrusion and all around undesirable. Children, we are taught – whether we realize it or not – intrude upon our personal freedoms. They infringe on our rights over our own lives, our time and even our own bodies.

We are all products of our parental upbringing. The way we were raised shapes our adult attitudes and actions, whether we want to acknowledge that reality or not, it’s true.

Read and hear with your heart the words of this poem written half a century ago...

Children Learn What They Live
If a child lives with criticism, He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, He learns to fight.
If a child lives with shame, He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with tolerance, He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, He learns justice.
If a child lives with security, He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, He learns to find love in the world.
© Dorothy Law Nolte, 1954

Some parents blame their kids for all “their” problems in life. Give me a break! YOU are the problem, not your child. Abuse come in many forms, both emotional and infliction of physical pain. In today’s society, it seems that parents have raised emotional abuse to an art form.

The National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect defines emotional abuse as: "acts or omissions by the parents or other caregivers that have caused, or could cause, serious behavioral, cognitive, emotional, or mental disorders.

The American Medical Association (AMA) describes Emotional Abuse as: "when a child is regularly threatened, yelled at, humiliated, ignored, blamed or otherwise emotionally mistreated. For example, making fun of a child, calling a child names, and always finding fault are forms of emotional abuse."

Emotional abuse is more than just verbal abuse. It is an attack on a child's emotional and social development, and is a basic threat to healthy human development. Emotional abuse can take many forms. Here are the ones that find fertile ground in dysfunctional tension filled households...

Belittling – Belittling a child causes the child to see him or herself in the way consistent with the caregivers words. This limits the child's potential by limiting the child's own sense of his or her own potential.

Coldness – Children learn to interact with the world through their early interactions with their parents. If parents are warm and loving, children grow to see the world as a secure place for exploration and learning. When parents are cold to their children, they deprive the child of necessary ingredients for intellectual and social development. Children who are subjected to consistent coldness grow to see the world as a cold, uninviting place, and will likely have seriously impaired relationships in the future. They may also never feel confident to explore and learn.

Corrupting – When parents teach children to engage in antisocial behavior, the children grow up unfit for normal social experience.

Cruelty – Cruelty is more severe than coldness, but the results can be the same. Children need to feel safe and loved in order to explore the world around them and in order to learn to form healthy relationships. When children experience cruelty from their parental figures, the world ceases to "make sense" for them, and all areas of learning are affected - social, emotional, and intellectual development are hindered.

Extreme Inconsistency – The foundations of learning are laid in the first interactions between child and parent - both mom and dad. Through consistent interactions, the child and parent shape each other and the child learns that his or her actions have consistent consequences - this is the foundation for learning. The child also learn to trust that his or her needs will be met from others. When the parent is inconsistent in his or her response to the child, the child cannot learn what is expected from the start, and all areas of learning can be effected throughout the child's lifespan. That’s scary... an entire span of life ruined!

Harassment – Harassment has similar effects to those of belittling, but also involves a stressful response. Harassment scares the child, and repeated exposure to fear can alter the child physically, lowering their ability to deal with other stressful situations in life.

Ignoring – Ignoring a child deprives the child of all the essential stimulation and interaction necessary for emotional, intellectual and social development.

Inappropriate Control – Inappropriate control takes three forms - lack of control, over control, and inconsistent control. Lack of control puts children at risk for danger or harm to themselves and robs children of the knowledge handed down through human history. Over control robs children of opportunities for self-assertion and self-development by preventing them from exploring the world around them. Inconsistent control can cause anxiety and confusion in children and can lead to a variety of problematic behaviors as well as impair intellectual development.

Isolating – Isolating a child, or cutting them off from normal social experiences, prevents the child from forming friendships and can lead to depression. Isolating a child seriously impairs their intellectual, emotional and social development. Isolating is often accompanied by other forms of emotional abuse and quite often physical abuse.

Rejecting – When a caretaker rejects a child, the caretaker is negating the child's self-image, showing the child that he or she has no value. Children who are rejected from the start by their parents develop a range of disturbed self-soothing behaviors. An infant who is rejected has almost no chance of developing into a healthy adult.

Terrorizing – Terrorizing, like harassment, evokes a stressful response in children. Repeated evocation of the stress response alters the child physically, lowering their ability to fight off disease, increasing their risk for many stress-related ailments. Aside from the physical affects, a child living in terror has no opportunities to develop anything other than unhealthy and anti-social survival skills.

Emotional abuse is the core of all forms of abuse, and the long-term effects of child abuse and neglect in general stem mainly from the emotional aspects of abuse. Actually, it is the psychological aspect of most abusive behaviors that defines them as abusive.

Think of a child breaking his or her arm. If the arm was broken while riding a bicycle and trying to jump a ramp, the child will heal and recover psychologically, perhaps strengthening his or her character and learning valuable life-lessons in the process by overcoming obstacles with the support of his or her caregivers and friends.

If the same injury occurs because a parent twists the child's arm behind his or her back in a rage or throws the child down the stairs, the child will heal physically, but may never heal psychologically.

In thinking of sexual abuse, think of a child being examined by a doctor - doctors touch children's private areas routinely in physical examinations without damaging children in any way. But think of the same contact sexualized, from an older acquaintance, caregiver, even a parent. It is clear that the damage from fondling [or worse] the child is psychological and emotional and will most certainly scare them for life.

Now think of a child who lives with a parent who terrifies the child but who has just enough control (IT'S ALL ABOUT CONTROL) over him or herself to refrain from injuring the child physically in a way that will draw questions. That child is suffering the same devastating abuse as the children in the examples above, but often nothing can be done about it.

Sadly, emotional abuse goes almost unnoticed and certainly unattended through intervention. Despite the fact that the long-term harm from abuse is most often caused by the emotional aspects of the abuse, emotional abuse is the most difficult to substantiate. Rarely, if ever does emotional abuse reach a level warrenting legal intervention and prosecution.

Again, in a fallen world where the counsel of God is far from the hearts of parents when they are only concerned about their “freedoms”.. it takes real injury or even the death of a child to motivate actionable intervention.

Rest assured... God is watching your every action... your every word... your every thought... every attitude of your heart when it comes to raising the gift He has made possible for you to bring up to honor and glorify Him. Proverbs 22:6 says... Train a child in the way he should go, [that would be towards God] and when he is old he will not turn from it.

A plea to parents who call themselves Christians...

Take your eyes off of yourself... said more bluntly... you have children now, get over yourself and focus all your energy on them. Allow the Spirit of God to reset your vision to see clearly God’s purpose for children and the family. Children are part of His plan... not yours. We must all be willingly and gladly embrace His calling and purposes by working with Him instead of against Him when it comes to rejoicing in the blessings of our children.

Are you living and believing that God will build and fortify your family? Are we willing to let Him? Do you view children as a blessing, a reward, and an arrow to be raised for the glory of God and the furtherance of the gospel in this fallen world? Do you understand God’s purpose for children?

When it comes to kids... you MUST get it right. Remember who is watching and listening... GOD.

Kids' Thoughts on Love and Marriage

Remember the television series called Kids Say the Darndest Things? In recent times, it was is an American comedy series hosted by Bill Cosby... first aired on CBS as a special on February 6, 1995 then as a seasonal from January 9, 1998 to June 23, 2000. It was based on a popular feature of Art Linkletter's radio show House Party and television series, Art Linkletter's House Party, which aired five days a week from 1945 to 1969. I know, most of us have to really scratch our heads to pull those memories back to the surface.

The premise of the show was very simple. The host would ask a question to a child, usually under the age of 10, who would usually respond in a very "cute" way. The show sometimes would "flashback" to Linkletter's show, showing kids of that generation, the 50’s and 60’s, with their same "cute" reactions to whatever Linkletter would ask or say to them.

It was good humor and some really interesting insights into the way children in their innocence see adults and adult behavior in the world around them. As adults, the responses of our children should make us step back and consider the way we act, react and interact with everyone we encounter.

Here are some interesting thoughts from children on Love and Marriage... and maybe even a bit of sound advice coming from the hearts of innocence.

How do you decide who to marry?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you find out later who you're stuck with. Kristen, age 10

What is the right age to get married?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. Camille, age 10

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. Derrick, age 8

What do your mom and dad have in common?
Both don't want any more kids. Lori, age 8

What do most people do on a date?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.  Martin, age 10

When is it OK to kiss someone?
When they're rich. Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be 18, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. Howard, age 8

Is it better to be single or married?
It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

How would you make a marriage work?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. Ricky, age 10

What exactly is marriage?

Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents 
Eric, age 6


When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me. Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out. 
Anita, age 9


How did your mom and dad meet? 


They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down. It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values. 
Lottie, age 9



My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind. 
Jeremy, age 8


Is it better to be single or married?

I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out. 
Theodore, age 8



You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan 
Kirsten, age 10



It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them. 
Anita, age 9



It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble. 
Will, age 7


And you thought you knew what your kids were thinking.

Until next time....

Avoiding the Snare of Sexual Sin

Sometimes, despite the most compassionate environment, the best teaching and the strongest accountability networks, Christians still find themselves caught up in sinful relationships. This can be especially devastating to a congregation when one of its leaders... an elder or preacher, gets caught in the snare of sexual sin.

The Christian community doesn't always handle the discovery of sin well - especially sexual sin. Too often when someone has confessed sin and repented of it they remain excluded from fellowship, marked as somehow unclean or lacking self-control. That's where restoration comes in. Our desire must always be to see our friends restored to fellowship, encouraged and upheld as they seek to walk in obedience.

It is paramount to remember that the purpose of confronting any kind of sin is always twofold: repentance and restoration. Repentance means coming to our loving Father acknowledging that our deliberate choices to disobey him have violated his trust, and that our rebellion against the family rules has placed a barrier between us and the One who loves us so deeply. We feel the weight of offending our Lord, and so we go to him, confessing our failures and our desire to live otherwise. We ask for and receive God’s generous forgiveness.

Don’t say it can’t happen to you.
While most of us readily nod our heads in agreement, in our hearts we can still live in functional unbelief of this fact. We need to constantly remind ourselves of Paul’s warning to the Corinthians in 1 Cor. 10:12... Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. That means it CAN and COULD happen to anyone. We must be vigilant in this area and all others, for the world is broken, our enemy is against us, and our flesh is weak.

Repent of your pride and self-righteousness.
The Bible clearly teaches in Proverbs 16:18... Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Almost everyone I’ve ever known who has fallen into sexual sin believed they never would. So often, it is our pride that allows us to “push the envelope” and think we are the exception to the rule. It is also pride that can keep us from getting the help we need so that we could have avoided this particular fall into sin in the first place. Most affairs don’t begin on a whim. The seeds are sown in soil of an unhappy or tumultuous marriage. Men and women too... if there are currently problems in your marriage, please reach out to someone and deal with them now so that you don’t become a statistic later.

Put all the needed safeguards in place–and keep them there.
Prov. 16:17 says... The highway of the upright avoids evil; those who guard their ways preserve their lives. All of us know this is true, but are we living as if it is true? We know that we shouldn’t be alone with a member of the opposite sex, but do we keep that rule faithfully? We know we should have working porn filters on our computers, but do we? We can all agree any of our practices can be cumbersome at times, but situations like this remind us that they are more than worth it.

For the sake of the Gospel and the reputation of our churches, heed the warnings today and employ whatever specific practices you need to keep yourself pure and unblemished by sexual sin.

Don’t just have a plurality in place – have one in practice.
Far too many churches have a plurality of elders on paper but, in reality, have a preaching minister surrounded by “yes-men.” This kind of unhealthy leadership system only aids in the winking at and concealing of sexual misconduct.

If you are concerned about a member on your team, even if it is the most senior leader, please have the courage to sound the alarm. Of course, this should be done personally, honorably, and hoping the best for all parties involved, but silence is often exactly what allows deeds done in secret to remain in secret, sometimes for years. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions. Too much is at stake to hope that sexual sin will somehow fix itself... it won’t and frankly you know it can’t.

Make your wife your partner in purity.
This can be a tricky issue. There is legitimate debate and concern over how “in the loop” one’s wife needs to be in such matters. I personally believer a wife needs to know enough to be prayerful, but not so much that she becomes paranoid.

Practically, this means that your wife needs to know that emotionally needy women are often attracted to pastors and preachers, and those leaders, often don’t recognize the danger right before their eyes. It also means that she needs to know that regular intimacy with her is a helpful practice that can keep you from looking elsewhere. It may also mean that she may periodically check out your phone or Facebook page for anything inappropriate. At a minimum, protecting each other’s integrity should be a topic of regular conversation. If you have nothing to hide or be ashamed of, then openness and transparency won’t be a problem, right? How are you and your wife partnering together for the sake of each other’s purity?

Never forget that we are in a spiritual battle with real winners and losers.
Though we may try to ignore it, we have three very real enemies (the world, the flesh and the devil) who are all more than happy to play their part in helping us flame out of our relationship with God. Satan and the kingdom of darkness are always benefited when a Christian, regardless of position or privileges in the church, goes down in flames because of moral failure. It’s like a “nuclear radiation leak”, it does severe and lasting damage on so many levels all at once. There is a simple “disaster preparedness” exercise that you might find useful in protecting yourself. Try this: Picture what would happen to your wife, your children, and church if you chose pride and pleasure over Jesus in a moment of weakness. You will be jolted to your senses and driven to the Scriptures, the comfort and security of your wife, and trusted accountability partners to help you stay the course of purity. Remind yourself daily of the battle we are fighting.

The Scriptures are explicitly clear – sexual sin is both damaging and deadly to all it affects – especially leaders in the congregation.

For the sake of God who is Holy and your own quest to live holy lives, don’t allow yourself to become a statistic. Pray for those closest to you that they don’t become statistics. Take the steps necessary to walk in integrity. God is with us, available to us, to help us through anything that tempts us... use Him!

Prepare yourself everyday to run your race strong and pure and holy and obedient and righteous for the glory of God and the good of our families, our churches, and to be a shinning witness for Christ to the world around us.  

The Problems of Porn in Relationships

There are many struggles that a Christian will go through in their struggles to live up to God’s standards. Some will fall away because they feel as if they’re giving up too much of the pursuits and practices they’ve come to enjoy.  Even long faithful Christians can become entangled in worldly things to such an extent that they slowly drift away from God and the brotherhood of believers.  Sexual sin is one of those powerful snares that can ruin ones relationship with God.

Christians are not exempt from sexual sin.  If you are one who has fallen into the traps of fornication, adultery, pornography, homosexuality, lesbianism, bestiality, or any other sexual deviation, then you need to stop. Stopping will not be easy to do! You must seek the help of elders in your congregation to help you begin the long and arduous journey of recovery, accountability and learning abstinence. You must confess your sins to the Lord and break off your relationships that lead you or tempt you into repeating such sins.  This may be hard to hear, but it is what is necessary for your eternal welfare.

Pornography in recent years has become a plague on our perceptions of sexuality. It has been allowed to define what is normal and acceptable. Porn addiction is a dark secret among Christian men and women. One that is undermining the cohesiveness of our congregations, our ministries and one’s personal relationship with God. The second being non-existent as long as you allow yourself to be a willing servant of pornography and succumb to all the bad behaviors it can bring into your life.

A new study done by Patrick F. Fagan examines the effects of pornography on individuals, marriage, family and community. Fagan is Senior Fellow and Director of the Center for Research on Marriage and Religion at the Family Research Council. He specializes in examining the relationships among family, marriage, religion, community, and America's social problems. This study is important for everyone to read as it demonstrates that it has damaging effects on individuals and families. In the summary Fagan explains,

Pornography is a visual representation of sexuality which distorts an individual's concept of the nature of marital relations. This, in turn, alters both sexual attitudes and behaviors. It is a major threat to marriage, to family, to children and to individual happiness. In undermining marriage it is one of the factors in undermining social stability.

Social scientists, clinical psychologists, and biologists have begun to clarify some of the social and psychological effects, and neurologists are beginning to delineate the biological mechanisms through which pornography produces its powerful negative effects.

Some of the findings inside the study include:
Pornography is addictive, and neuroscientists are beginning to map the biological substrate of this addiction.

Users tend to become desensitized to the type of pornography they use, become bored with it, and then seek more perverse forms of pornography.

Married men who are involved in pornography feel less satisfied with their conjugal relations and less emotionally attached to their wives. Wives notice and are upset by the difference.

Pornography use is a pathway to infidelity and divorce, and is frequently a major factor in these family disasters.

Among couples affected by one spouse's addiction, two-thirds experience a loss of interest in sexual intercourse.

Many adolescents who view pornography initially feel shame, diminished self-confidence, and sexual uncertainty, but these feelings quickly shift to unadulterated enjoyment with regular viewing.

The main defenses against pornography are close family life, a good marriage and good relations between parents and children, coupled with deliberate parental monitoring of Internet use. Traditionally, government has kept a tight lid on sexual traffic and businesses, but in matters of pornography that has waned almost completely, except where child pornography is concerned. Given the massive, deleterious individual, marital, family, and social effects of pornography, it is time for citizens, communities, and government to reconsider their laissez-faire approach.

You can (and should) download the study – CLICK here. QUESTION TO CONSIDER: Is your church leadership addressing the issue of pornography? Should it? How should it be done?   You can rest assured that inside your congregation, quite possibly nearly 60 percent of the men, with women not far behind, are engaged in repeated and persistent use of pornography. It’s time to act to turn lives back to a path of purity and holiness before God.

NEXT WEEK’S POST... We’ll dig into porn and how it can so easily ensnare and derail a Christian's walk with God.

NO ONE KNOWS...

Matthew chapter 24 commonly referred to as the Olivet Discourse, has perplexed many interpreters and caused a multitude of speculations, predictions and differing opinions about its meaning. It has in fact spawned entire religious denominations who have constructed fear inspiring end-times predictions around its content.

Jesus speaks the words. What might be the real lesson that He wanted to get across in his dialogue of Matthew 24? It seems reasonable that there are at least two specific intentions: as prophecy, and as a Christian living lesson. Jesus' words are a warning that his disciples, then and now, need to be spiritually ready for His return, because they cannot know exactly when He will return. The parables in Matthew 25 continue to admonish that same theme.

In Matthew 24:36, Jesus said, "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." This is Jesus' plain statement that he himself does not know when the “end of the age” would come. That may seem shocking, since he is the Son of God, the one who is returning, but nonethelessHis words are plainly spoken and clear.

Accepting this point clears up a lot of confusion about His intent of chapter 24. It tells us that Jesus was not meaning to prophesy about the specific time of "the end" or of his return, since he himself did not know when it would be. Matthew 24 was to serve as a lesson in spiritual awareness, alertness, the condition of our hearts and relationship with God. That intent would seem to dampen Matthew 24 as a basis for world events watching, calculating time and arriving at dates for His second coming. He did not mean it to be a "when" prophecy calculator. Jesus could not have been prophesying about when "the end" would happen, because he himself did not know... the day or the hour.

What we see in subsequent history is that Jerusalem has been the focal point of many turbulent events and times. For example, in A.D. 1099, the Christian Crusaders surrounded Jerusalem and massacred all the inhabitants. And during World War I, in 1917, British General Allenby took the city from the Turkish empire. And we are all quite aware of the central role Jerusalem and Judea continue to play in the strife between Jews and Arabs. While this part of the world has certainly been a hot spot of conflict over the centuries, these events in and of themselves have nothing whatsoever to do with “signs” of the end of the age.

To summarize, Jesus told his disciples that the answer to their question about when the end would come was this: "You can't know it, and not even I know it." That seems to be a difficult lesson to learn. After his resurrection, the disciples still pressed Jesus on the matter. They asked: "Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?" (Acts 1:6). Again, Jesus told them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority" (verse 7).

Despite Jesus' clear teaching, many Christians throughout the centuries have repeated the mistake of the apostles. Many have tried to prognosticate when "the end" would come, and have almost always said it would be "very soon." But history has proven Jesus right and every prognosticator wrong. Quite simply, we cannot know when "the end" will come. Why such leaders as Harold Camping of Family Radio and organizations like the Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t see this, is indeed baffling.

So what are we to do in the meantime, while we await Jesus' return? Jesus gave the answer to his disciples, and it is our answer as well. He said: "Keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come.... So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him" (24:42, 44). Keeping watch, being on-guard... these are very different things than predicting a day, a month, or even a year of when Christ will return.

Jesus' message in-a-nut-shell is really simple and easy to understand. The disciples are concerned by Jesus' teaching that the temple buildings will be destroyed. They ask when this will happen, and when "the end" and his "coming" will occur. They were thinking [and hoping] that Jesus would take the mantle of messiahship and inaugurate the kingdom of God in all its power, tossing out the Romans by force of arms and re-establishing the throne of David in Israel.

Jesus warns them against such thinking. There will be a delay before "the end." Jerusalem and the temple will be destroyed, but the life of the fledgling church will continue.

Future times will be characterized by violent persecution of his followers and terrible tribulation in Judea. The disciples are shocked at this information. They think the Messiah's disciples will be immediately and eminently victorious, the Promised Land easily conquered and the worship of God restored. What is this talk about the destruction of the temple and the persecution of his followers?

But there is more shocking teaching. The only "sign" that contemporary disciples will have of Jesus coming will be his actual coming... arrival. This "sign" will have no predictive value because it comes too late to matter for those "not prepared" for his second coming.

Jesus' point leads to his discussion that no one can prophesy when "the end" will occur or when he will come. Say it again... not even Jesus knows the time. Only the Father knows. Jesus took advantage of his closest disciples' wrong-headed thinking and turned it into a spiritual lesson.

Some will argue that the wide array of interpretations of Matthew 24 don’t really matter, however that is akin to a false sense of security. Understanding these important teachings of Jesus is critical to our personal salvation. We must watch our doctrine and teach only what the Bible teaches. We must not go beyond reason and logic in our attempts to understand any passage of Scripture. If we do, we will most assuredly end up on the wrong track, with an erroneous understanding of critical aspects of God’s word. We could even find ourselves lured into association with a body of believers who are essentially a false religion.

Like the disciples' who were with Jesus during those intense periods of learning, we today must learn the same lesson he has been offering to all believers throughout the past 2,000 years.

Look forward to the Lord's return... eagerly anticipate it... pray for it... live like He’s coming tomorrow or next week. Live responsibly, faithfully, compassionately, courageously as we await the Master’s return. (24:45-25:46) That was the concern of Jesus at the time of His return... that we be found worthy of salvation, ones who are living holy lives.

"Amen, Come, Lord Jesus" (Rev.22:20).

Why it’s Easier to Continue to Believe a LIE than embrace a TRUTH

How do organizations with a history of making “end of the world” second coming of Christ predictions, all of which have failed, continue to hold on to their followers? Why do such organizations often grow and flourish? Why do intelligent people get caught up, fervently and passionately, in believing such things?

Had you been a follower of Family Radio’s Harold Camping and his “end of the world” predictions, what would you have been thinking after “May 21st” passed with no change? What would you have thought after September-October of 1975 came and went and the battle of Armageddon didn’t happen as fervently predicted by Jehovah’s Witnesses for years? Would you continue to follow such organizations, even though in your mind you know something is seriously flawed in their theology?

Perhaps no other event in the history of a religious group provides as much potential for excitement and disappointment as predicting the end of the world. A prophecy can generate enormous enthusiasm among a groups members as they begin preparations for the paradise to come. In fact such excitement can become infectious, drawing many new members into the fold to await Armageddon.

However, one can also imagine few disappointments as great as the passing of a prophecy unfulfilled. At that point a believer must face the fact that all of the investments and sacrifices made in loyal support of the group may have been for naught.

One of religions greatest strengths is its otherworldliness – the ability for a groups leaders to preach so called truths that cannot be readily disconfirmed. Therein lies prophecy’s potential for excitement and disappointment. A fulfilled prophecy makes real what one had to take on faith. A failed prophecy, on the other hand, demonstrates that ones’s faith was mistaken, misplaced.

While we may be rightly concerned about the impact on the people who follow religious organizations that exist for predicting the second coming of Christ, I am not so sure the followers are suffering all that much. What does it take to be a true believer, a loyal follower of Camping or a Jehovah’s Witness when all they’ve predicted has failed to happen?

Five conditions must be present, if someone is to sustain a fervent belief [and support of leaders] after a failure or disconfirmation of an intricately developed prophecy.

1. A belief must be held with deep conviction and it must have some relevance to action, that is, to what the believer does or how he behaves.

2. The person holding the belief must have committed himself to it; that is, for the sake of his belief, he must have taken some important action that is difficult to undo. In general, the more important such actions are, and the more difficult they are to undo, the greater is the individual's commitment to the belief.

3. The belief must be sufficiently specific and sufficiently concerned with the real world so that events may unequivocally refute the belief.

4. Such undeniable disconfirmatory evidence must occur and must be recognized by the individual holding the belief.

5. The individual believer must have social support. It is unlikely that one isolated believer could withstand the kind of disconfirming evidence that has been specified. If, however, the believer is a member of a group of convinced persons who can support one another, the belief may be maintained and the believers may attempt to proselytize or persuade nonmembers that the belief is correct.

The psychological theory that helps explain human behavior and response to religious organizations that make frequent and repetitive predictions that fail, is know as cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding conflicting ideas simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance. Dissonance is defined as a lack of agreement; an inconsistency between the beliefs one holds or between one's actions and one's beliefs. It’s human nature to want to reduce and remove internal [mental] conflicts within our value structures. We do this by changing our attitudes, our beliefs, and trying to harmonize those changes with our decisions, choices and actions.

Dissonance can also be reduced by justifying, blaming, and denying. In the recent case of Harold Camping’s failed May 21st prediction, he himself used a blend of all three by providing a new date to his prediction, clarifying what the first date really was, changing a few of the basics, and continuing on to a new date... October 21st. His followers for the most part, are lining up right behind the new pitch. His followers cannot comfortably exist day-to-day without somehow fixing their mental dissonance, so adapting to the new prediction, clarified prediction and new date seems a reasonable way to achieve mental balance and peace.

However, experience or reality can clash with expectations, hopes and dreams. When people are experiencing cognitive dissonance because of a failed expectation, they will often feel shock, surprise, dread, guilt, anger, and usually embarrassment, especially among family and close friends. People are unwilling to think of their choices as not correct, despite substantial evidence to the contrary. This bias gives dissonance theory its predictive power, shedding light on otherwise puzzling irrational and sometimes destructive behavior.

Smoking is often presented as a classic example of cognitive dissonance because it is almost universally known that cigarettes can cause lung cancer, yet virtually everyone wants to live a long and healthy life. The desire to live a long life is dissonant with the activity of doing something that will most likely shorten one's life. The tension produced by these contradictory ideas can be reduced by quitting smoking, denying the evidence of lung cancer, or justifying one's smoking with a variety of reasons. For example, smokers could rationalize their behavior by concluding that only a few smokers become ill, that it only happens to very heavy smokers, or that if smoking does not kill them, something else will.

Once a person makes a life-changing decision that impacts everything, such as choices made in the context of religion, it is very hard for that person to discard their belief systems. Even in the face of failed prophetic predictions, people will cling to the alterations, modifications, new light and revelation, and special knowledge of the groups leaders as a way of defending their inner self. Dissonance is a threat to the self-concept. The thought, "I am increasing my risk of lung cancer" is dissonant with the self-related belief, "I am a smart, reasonable person who makes good decisions."

The most famous case in the early study of cognitive dissonance was described by in the book When Prophecy Fails. The authors infiltrated a religious cult group that was expecting the imminent end of the world on a certain date. When that prediction failed, the movement did not disintegrate, but instead grew substantially larger. How could that have happened? The true believers, sharing cult beliefs with others, gained acceptance and thus reduced their own dissonance. The more people who embraced the cult’s beliefs, the more inner peace was gained by the founding followers who could self-justify and rationalize that “what we believe must be right because many others are joining us.”

Why do Jehovah’s Witnesses continue to believe the heresies taught to them? Because the organization continues to grow. Why will Harold Camping and the Family Radio Network continue to flourish... for the same reason. Their respective followers will find ways in their own minds to justify their choices and decisions thereby reducing the mental anguish associated with their decisions (dissonance). They will cling to an organization, to the “special knowledge of men,” to dates and predictions, but give little heed to what the Bible clearly teaches.

So what happens when prophecy fails? When you look at the cultic groups throughout history that have formed around leaders who dogmatically proclaimed that The End would come in their own generation, and that they were God’s Mouthpiece to warn the world, you will find a common thread. The group’s leader proclaims that his prophecy didn’t really fail at all. He will adapt and fine-tune the next version of prediction. And he will retain a significant proportion of supporters and probably grow. Why? Because no one wants to admit they have wasted years of their life supporting a failure. Or a charlatan. Or a false prophet.

As we all know, it is often easier to make excuses than it is to change behavior. Dissonance theory leads to the conclusion that humans are frequently rationalizing but not always rational beings, especially in matter of religion... where so much is at stake.