Sometimes, despite the most compassionate environment, the best teaching and the strongest accountability networks, Christians still find themselves caught up in sinful relationships. This can be especially devastating to a congregation when one of its leaders... an elder or preacher, gets caught in the snare of sexual sin.
The Christian community doesn't always handle the discovery of sin well - especially sexual sin. Too often when someone has confessed sin and repented of it they remain excluded from fellowship, marked as somehow unclean or lacking self-control. That's where restoration comes in. Our desire must always be to see our friends restored to fellowship, encouraged and upheld as they seek to walk in obedience.
It is paramount to remember that the purpose of confronting any kind of sin is always twofold: repentance and restoration. Repentance means coming to our loving Father acknowledging that our deliberate choices to disobey him have violated his trust, and that our rebellion against the family rules has placed a barrier between us and the One who loves us so deeply. We feel the weight of offending our Lord, and so we go to him, confessing our failures and our desire to live otherwise. We ask for and receive God’s generous forgiveness.
Don’t say it can’t happen to you.
While most of us readily nod our heads in agreement, in our hearts we can still live in functional unbelief of this fact. We need to constantly remind ourselves of Paul’s warning to the Corinthians in 1 Cor. 10:12... Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. That means it CAN and COULD happen to anyone. We must be vigilant in this area and all others, for the world is broken, our enemy is against us, and our flesh is weak.
Repent of your pride and self-righteousness.
The Bible clearly teaches in Proverbs 16:18... Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Almost everyone I’ve ever known who has fallen into sexual sin believed they never would. So often, it is our pride that allows us to “push the envelope” and think we are the exception to the rule. It is also pride that can keep us from getting the help we need so that we could have avoided this particular fall into sin in the first place. Most affairs don’t begin on a whim. The seeds are sown in soil of an unhappy or tumultuous marriage. Men and women too... if there are currently problems in your marriage, please reach out to someone and deal with them now so that you don’t become a statistic later.
Put all the needed safeguards in place–and keep them there.
Prov. 16:17 says... The highway of the upright avoids evil; those who guard their ways preserve their lives. All of us know this is true, but are we living as if it is true? We know that we shouldn’t be alone with a member of the opposite sex, but do we keep that rule faithfully? We know we should have working porn filters on our computers, but do we? We can all agree any of our practices can be cumbersome at times, but situations like this remind us that they are more than worth it.
For the sake of the Gospel and the reputation of our churches, heed the warnings today and employ whatever specific practices you need to keep yourself pure and unblemished by sexual sin.
Don’t just have a plurality in place – have one in practice.
Far too many churches have a plurality of elders on paper but, in reality, have a preaching minister surrounded by “yes-men.” This kind of unhealthy leadership system only aids in the winking at and concealing of sexual misconduct.
If you are concerned about a member on your team, even if it is the most senior leader, please have the courage to sound the alarm. Of course, this should be done personally, honorably, and hoping the best for all parties involved, but silence is often exactly what allows deeds done in secret to remain in secret, sometimes for years. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions. Too much is at stake to hope that sexual sin will somehow fix itself... it won’t and frankly you know it can’t.
Make your wife your partner in purity.
This can be a tricky issue. There is legitimate debate and concern over how “in the loop” one’s wife needs to be in such matters. I personally believer a wife needs to know enough to be prayerful, but not so much that she becomes paranoid.
Practically, this means that your wife needs to know that emotionally needy women are often attracted to pastors and preachers, and those leaders, often don’t recognize the danger right before their eyes. It also means that she needs to know that regular intimacy with her is a helpful practice that can keep you from looking elsewhere. It may also mean that she may periodically check out your phone or Facebook page for anything inappropriate. At a minimum, protecting each other’s integrity should be a topic of regular conversation. If you have nothing to hide or be ashamed of, then openness and transparency won’t be a problem, right? How are you and your wife partnering together for the sake of each other’s purity?
Never forget that we are in a spiritual battle with real winners and losers.
Though we may try to ignore it, we have three very real enemies (the world, the flesh and the devil) who are all more than happy to play their part in helping us flame out of our relationship with God. Satan and the kingdom of darkness are always benefited when a Christian, regardless of position or privileges in the church, goes down in flames because of moral failure. It’s like a “nuclear radiation leak”, it does severe and lasting damage on so many levels all at once. There is a simple “disaster preparedness” exercise that you might find useful in protecting yourself. Try this: Picture what would happen to your wife, your children, and church if you chose pride and pleasure over Jesus in a moment of weakness. You will be jolted to your senses and driven to the Scriptures, the comfort and security of your wife, and trusted accountability partners to help you stay the course of purity. Remind yourself daily of the battle we are fighting.
The Scriptures are explicitly clear – sexual sin is both damaging and deadly to all it affects – especially leaders in the congregation.
For the sake of God who is Holy and your own quest to live holy lives, don’t allow yourself to become a statistic. Pray for those closest to you that they don’t become statistics. Take the steps necessary to walk in integrity. God is with us, available to us, to help us through anything that tempts us... use Him!
Prepare yourself everyday to run your race strong and pure and holy and obedient and righteous for the glory of God and the good of our families, our churches, and to be a shinning witness for Christ to the world around us.
