Much of the Christian life comes down to how well we get along with other people. Scripture makes it plain that God places tremendous value on unity, which Paul the Apostle stressed repeatedly throughout his letters to all congregations from Galatia to Colossae. It goes without saying.. the ability to get along with others requires a great deal of effort.
Our natural tendency is not to get along—even when things are going well. As we go through life, some people will rub us the wrong way. It should be no surprise to anyone, there will be times when you yourself find that YOU rub someone else the wrong way. Its a two-way street.
There are 22 "one-anothering" verses in the New Testament, essentially these passages admonish every Christian to work at getting along with other Christians. They are in fact the foundation for most of what Christ is trying to teach us.
We accept Biblical truths, we commit our lives to him, we die to our former self in baptism and rise to a new life. That's where the journey with other Christians begins. What happens? We come face-to-face with all the sordid baggage, temptations and unsavory tendencies we all have – pride, arrogance, the need to feel and be important to name but a few. It's a tall order to live in peace in Christian community when faced with this person and that person we don't much care for. Our prejudices toward one another boil over in anger, bitterness and all forms of resentments.
Often, our ungodly tendencies are enflamed by deep anxieties that seem beyond our control. In frustration we lash out at the first person available, usually the person front and center.... like the preacher or one of the pastors. They are such easy targets to attack.... everything they say and do is under constant unrelenting scrutiny. There seems no end to the criticism leveled against these hard working servants of a congregation. We get embroiled in unfortunate situations that quickly spins out of control and we end up hurting someone or being wounded ourselves by a fellow Christian.
Christ knew we would suffer from these destructive situations. Therefore, He provided a strategy based on accepting each other as we are and learning to love one another without conditions. Easy? Absolutely not... its one of the hardest things you will ever do in life. Can you do it? You absolutely can. God has given us the counsel... we just have to be humble enough to apply it to ourselves.
There are FOUR attitudes that can make living together in Christian Community bearable...
First, we as Christians should always take the high road.
Colossians 3:12 says this... Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Paul reminds us that we are God’s chosen people, dearly loved and expected to live holy lives. This is our identity, and it should determine how we act. When we relate to other people, we should say to ourselves, “I don’t know where this person is spiritually, but I want my attitudes and actions to reflect Christ.” If others want to stir up trouble, that’s their choice. We should always take the high road to solving the conflict instead of getting even. Taking the high road is a lot easier to do when we remember that we’re not perfect. Everyone made mistakes. You know what it’s like to need forgiveness.
Colossians 3:13 says this... Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Does that not suggest genuine sincere humility? That’s what it means to take the high road. Show others the same mercy you have been shown by Christ. Does this mean we sweep conflict under the rug and never deal with it? Of course not. It means that we don’t resort to anger and hostility toward those who don’t agree with us. WE are God’s people and our actions must show it.
Another important attitude concerns how we respond to others. Our actions are always more important than our feelings.
Colossians 3:12 said, “Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Paul used the phrase “clothe yourselves” because sometimes you have to cover your feelings by “putting on” the right behavior. Your feelings may be sending you in one direction, but you can “clothe yourself” with attitudes and behavior that move you in the right direction.
Never forget the power of Satan to cloud and confuse our reality. We’ve been lied to about our feelings. We’ve been told that if we feel something it must be real, and that we should get our feelings out in the open so that we can deal with them. That’s not the best course of action and almost always causes conflict. Hostile, angry, mean, resentful words towards someone is not going to make you or them a better person, and it won’t improve your relationship. Just because you feel something doesn’t mean you have to say it, and don’t let your feelings control your actions.
Paul said, “Put on compassion, kindness, ... gentleness.” You may not feel these things, but you can “put them on”—at least temporarily. If you feel dislike for another person and show them kindness, you’re not being hypocritical, you’re being holy.
The Bible never tells us that we will be judged according to our feelings. It says we are judged according to our actions. You can’t always control the way you feel, but you can control the way you dress. Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
A third attitude of great importance is how you evaluate your actions and feelings. Do you filter virtually everything through Christ? Do you include Christ in every conversation, every response to others?
If you’re having a problem with someone and angry words are about to explode out of you, ask yourself, “What would Jesus say right now about this situation?” or even better... “What would Jesus say about the person you are having difficulty with?” You may not always know what Jesus would say in a situation, but you’ll almost always know what he wouldn’t say!
Gossip is a killer of relationships and unity. The definition of gossip is saying something negative about someone who isn’t present to defend themselves. Even if it’s true, even if the person deserves it, even if it is presented in the form of a private prayer request—it’s gossip. Its destructive and its sin! We need to make sure our conversation is filled with words that lift people up instead of tearing them down.
Colossians 3:14–16 says this... And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. Paul is saying, “Include Christ in everything, think about your attitude with Godly considerations and react to others as Christ would react.”
Displaying and reacting in a peaceable manner may make you think our conversations will become nothing but fluff, and we sweep all conflict under the rug. Not so. It does however mean that when we have conflict, we should discuss it with no one but the person involved. Otherwise, we keep quiet.
Finally, all Christians should desire peace and unity. Our primary concern must be that of pursue personal peace. The key to developing peace in our relationships is to develop peace within ourselves first.
Gossips and Critics of others are not happy, nor are they full of the joy of the Lord. People who constantly stir up tension in relationships do it because they have no peace within themselves; and people who have peace have no desire to stir things up.
Colossians 3:17 says simply... And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
If you have not personally experienced the peace of God, then it’s no wonder your relationships are rocky. You can’t give to someone else what you don’t have.
Paul also reminds us that peace is the result of being filled with the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22). If other people frequently disappoint you ... if your children get on your nerves all the time... if you notice when other people don’t do things the way you think they should, and don’t live up to your expectations... maybe the source of the problem can be traced to the fact that you aren’t experiencing the peace of God in your life – The HOLY SPIRIT is NOT active! Once you experience God’s peace, you will lose all interest in conflict, you will lose any desire to be judgmental, and you will lose the tendency to be on edge.
Getting along with others may not always be easy, but it’s possible. It happens when you make the effort. Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart, and you will be less likely to be rubbed the wrong way. Of course, you still might rub others the wrong way—even without trying. When that happens, [1] take the high road, remember that [2] your actions are more important than your feelings, [3] include Christ in every conversation, and [4] let the peace of Christ rule in your heart.
