“I hardly have any friends. I’m spend day after day in my room and on the computer. I have Facebook you know. I know that’s not great but it beats being lonely.”
“I have some acquaintances but nobody close to me. Other people seem to have people to call up to do things. I don’t. What’s wrong with me?”
“I can’t find people who seem like they might be good friends to have. How can I find people I can connect with?”
“Why can’t I find a relationship? People tell me I’m attractive. I know lots of people on a surface level. But I don’t have friends like other people do, at least that’s how I feel.”
“I find it hard to talk to people. I only have one friend and I’ve known her since kindergarten. Meeting new people just doesn’t work for me.”
If you recognize yourself in any of those statements, you’re not alone. In a world full of people, there are many who can’t seem to find friends or build friendships and relationships that last.
Loneliness is a complex and unpleasant emotional response to a sense of feeling isolation from other people. Loneliness typically includes anxious feelings about a lack of connectedness or communality with other people. Loneliness can be felt even when surrounded by other people. The causes of loneliness are varied and include social, mental, emotional, and spiritual deficits.
Research has shown that loneliness is widely prevalent throughout society among people in all aspects and endeavors of life... particularly marriages, families and successful careers. It has been a long explored theme in the literature of human beings since classical antiquity. Loneliness has also been described as social pain — a psychological mechanism meant to alert an individual of isolation and motivate him or her to seek meaningful social connections. Easier said than done.
The Bible addresses loneliness almost from the outset. When the first human being Adam was created, God observed that "It is not good that man should be alone" (Gen. 2:18). So from Adam's rib God created Eve as a companion and a helper. Fellowship with another person was established as an essential aspect of the human experience.. The Bible goes on to discuss loneliness multiple times. It differentiates between types of loneliness, what causes it, and how to recover from it. Whether you are physically alone or just feeling lonely in a relationship, the Bible offers plenty of wisdom.
Being alone and being lonely are two different things. One can be alone without being lonely, and one can be lonely in a crowded room and in the most intimate of relationships, such as marriage.
Loneliness is, therefore, a state of mind, an emotion brought on by feelings, real and perceived, of separation from other human beings. The sense of isolation is very deeply felt by those who are lonely. The Hebrew word translated “desolate” or “lonely” in the Old Testament means “one alone, only; one who is solitary, forsaken, wretched.” There is no deeper sadness that ever comes over the human mind than the idea that we are alone in the world, that we do not have a friend, that no one cares for us, that no one is concerned about anything that might happen to us, that no one would care if we were to die or shed a tear over our passing.
No one felt loneliness more keenly than the Israelite King David. In a series of earnest, heartfelt appeals to God, David cried out in his loneliness and despair. His own son was risen up against him, the men of Israel went after him, and he was forced to flee from the city, and leave his house and family. Lonely and afflicted (Psalm 25:16), his only recourse was to turn to God and plead for mercy and God’s intervention (Psalm 25:21) because his only hope was in God.
It is interesting to note that the word “lonely” is never used in the New Testament to describe people. In the New Testament, the word “lonely” only occurs twice and both times refers to desolate places (Mark 1:45; Luke 5:16), where Jesus moved off into the wilderness to be alone.
Whatever the cause of loneliness, for the Christian the cure is always the same — the comforting fellowship of Jesus Christ. That loving relationship with our Master has reassured and encouraged countless thousands who languished in difficult situations and even went to their deaths for His sake. He is the friend who “sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24), who lays down His life for His friends (John 15:13-15), and who has promised never to leave us or forsake us but to be with us until the end of the age (Matthew 28:20).
We can take comfort in the words of the old hymn that says it best: “Friends may fail me, foes assail me, He (Christ) is with me to the end. Hallelujah, what a Savior!”
Okay, understanding the power of a personal and comforting relationship with Christ is not necessarily going to cure the problem you are having with loneliness is it?
All people, even those who know Christ and the Church can be enveloped by loneliness that can lead to depression, that can then lead to many very serious problems. Without a community to lean on, a strong network in times of trial and a relationship you can trust, many are left vulnerable to seeking ways to deaden the pain of loneliness... often through drugs or worse.
Absent such blessings, it’s all too understandable that some people enduring suffering and loneliness end up looking not for help or support, but for a way to end it all... by taking their life.
This act of desperation while shocking is not necessarily surprising. There's a strong link between suicide and weakened social ties: people — especially men — are more likely to kill themselves when they retreat from society's core institutions... marriage, family obligations, civic and religious participation, and from full-time paying work (unemployment).
As Christians, we understand this uncomfortable reality, because we recognize humanity was created to live in community and in intimate relationship with God. As we preach and teach, the hope we offer in Christ is not only for an eternity with God; it is our hope that we can make a life-or-death difference in the lives of people right now.
In the next installment on this topic, we will explore ways to cope with loneliness.
TODAY, this WEEK... Embrace someone you care about... tell them you love and care deeply for them.
Until next time... Walk upright before the Lord.
