I’m going to talk about cantankerous Christians in this message. Who are they? Like you don’t know! We’ve all known one, or two or more and most of us have been one at various times and maybe didn't even now. Quite often we don’t even realize how we are acting or the impact of our behavior on others. So how do you get along with cantankerous Christians? The answer is... it’s not easy. Cantankerous Christians can be both different and difficult to live with.
In most churches there will be lots of diversity among people. We are old and young, financially responsible and not-so-responsible with money, from distant places, from different religious backgrounds, and embracing a variety of views, from conservative to liberal, on the socio-political issues of the day. God’s Church is kind of like that ice cream franchise... church members come in at least 32 flavors and the flavors change weekly. So, how about the “flavor of cantankerous?”
Let’s start with a dictionary definition of Cantankerous: bad-tempered, argumentative, and uncooperative; quarrelsome; disagreeable.
Now for a Biblical perspective on cantankerous.... in the book of Third John, we read a story of three Christians - Gaius, who John commended; Diotrephes, who John saw as cantankerous; and Demetrius, who John cited as being consistent and steady in His walk with Christ. (3 John 1:1–1:14)
John does not mince words, he calls out “Diotrephes to be a kind of cantankerous Christian. (vs. 9-10) Diotrephes seems to have been this kind of person. John says, based on Diotrephes attitudes and behavior, it was obvious that he was a man who was full of himself.
Consider this... the most unhappy people you will ever know are those who make themselves the center of attention, the focus of everyone around them. It doesn’t take much effort to learn to be miserable in life. It doesn’t even require much practice to develop the skills of misery and it seems everyone we know who is unhappy manifests some or all of the following attributes of misery... here’s a short list:
(1) Think about yourself. (2) Talk about yourself. (3) Mirror yourself continually in the opinions of others. (4) Listen greedily to what other people say about you. (5) Expect to be appreciated. (6) Be suspicious. (7) Be jealous and envious. (8) Be sensitive to slights. (9) Never forgive a criticism. (10) Trust nobody but yourself. (11) Insist on consideration and respect. (12) Demand agreement with your own views on everything. (13) Sulk if people are not grateful to you for service you have rendered. (14) Shirk your duties if you can. (15) Do as little as possible for others.
Seeing ourselves as the center of the universe always leads to misery, because we weren’t made to be the focus of our own attention. Neither were we designed to be the center of everyone else’s attention. When we insist on that, guess what? We make everyone around us miserable. Because Diotrephes was unhappy, he was intent on making everyone around him unhappy, too. There is only one person who is meant to be the constant focus of our attention. “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” - Isaiah 26:3 (NLT) That be Jesus, the Christ.
Too many Christians tend to live with God at the periphery of their lives and with themselves at the center of their personally defined universe. True peace, and lasting happiness is found, however, when the Lord is at the center of our lives. Only then will everything else be in proper orbit around the Lord... friends, family, marriage, career, and yourself.
John speaks about the activity and approach of Diostrephes in verse 10... So when I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, spreading malicious nonsense about us. Not satisfied with that, he even refuses to welcome other believers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.
Someone once said these wise words when commenting on the state of a foolish person... “Wise men know more than they tell; while foolish men tell more than they know.”
Diotrephes was foolish. He is an example of the pseudo-intellectual, who, according to Dwight D. Eisenhower, “Is someone who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.”
Diotrephes liked to pass himself off as one who knew “the scoop” on what was going on in the church or should be going on in the church, but he really didn’t have a clue. But because he thought so much of himself, he was determined to not let not knowing the facts keep him from being heard. After all, he was sure everyone wanted to hear his opinion!
Diotrephes’ approach to work in the church was to battle until he got his way. Diotrephes was the kind of guy who always found something wrong with the leadership in the church and could never get along with the leadership of the church, nor with anyone who supported them.
Consequently, he was always “stirring things up.” He was a fellow who could be pretty well described by the comment that H.B. London made concerning Cain, “Cain had a problem with God, but he took it out on his brother.”
John shares his assessment of Diotrephes in verse 11... Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.
John gives good advice on how to stop a lot of conflict within the church. John’s counsel is to avoid people like Diotrephes and not imitate their example. Too often, the Diotrephes–types among us are rewarded when we give them more attention than they deserve. Instead, Paul echoes John’s counsel and tells us to disciple the Diotrephes among us through avoiding them.
“I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.” - Romans 16:17 (NIV)
Conflict is part of life - even church life. A healthy church is not one where no conflict exists. Fact is, a church that is growing and being used by God will face conflict because things will be changing as a result of growth and “walking in-step with the Spirit”. So conflict is always going to be part of church life, even in the best case scenario.
The question is not will we face conflict, but how will we handle conflict? If God is the center of our attention, then our question in any situation will always be, “What does God want?” But if we are at the center of our attention, we will demand that everyone else make us the center of their attention and our question in any given situation will be “What do I want?”
This is where the advice John gives regarding Diotrephes is of such great value. If anyone in the church is expressing thoughts, ideas, or opinions that are obviously God centered or God serving - members of the church must encourage them by giving them attention and appreciating their contribution. However, if someone in the church is expressing thoughts, ideas, or opinions that are obviously self centered or self serving - members of the church must discipline them by not giving them attention. Rather, we must avoid them until they realize the error of their focus.
Demetrius, unlike Diotrephes was a consistent Christian, as John noted in verse 12... Demetrius is well spoken of by everyone—and even by the truth itself. We also speak well of him, and you know that our testimony is true.
Demetrius, it would seem, was the kind of Christian, who, unlike Diotrephes, sought to build up, rather than tear down, who sought to maintain God at the center of his life, as opposed to making himself central to the churches mission. Consequently, John says three things about this God centered believer. (1) He was well thought of by the ones around him - verse 12a (2) He was well thought of by the ones beside him - verse 12c (2) He was well thought of by the One above him - verse 12b.
There are basically two types of Christians: We are either Spiritual or Carnal; Contributors or Detractors; Workers or Whiners; Positive or Negative; Helpers or Hinderers; God-Centered or Self-Centered; we are either Demetrius–types or we are Diotrephes–types.
On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being Demetrius and 1 being Diotrephes), where would you think you are? Where would others say you are? Where does God say you are?
If you please God, it doesn’t matter who you displease; but if you displease God, it doesn’t matter who you please.
