Statistics reveal that the majority of young people who grew up in church leave it soon after graduating from high school, and most will never return. Some statistics speculate that the rate could be as high as eighty percent. This shocking reality should cause us to take a long, hard look at how the church "ministers" to young people.
Why do they leave? There are many reasons, and most make us uncomfortable when faced with our role in disengaging our grown children. Facing adulthood is a critical turning point in life. As they leave for college, the military, or jobs, church is all but forgotten.Two main reasons emerge as catalysts for this mass exodus.
First... most young people have never been challenged in their faith. They haven't been taught theology and doctrine and thus are clueless about what they believe and why they believe it. When confronted by the challenges of adulthood, and the prevailing philosophies of a secular world, doubts creep into their minds and they see no great reason to cleave to the faith of their parents. They’ve never had anyone explain theology and how it relates to all matters of life, and they have not dug deeply into the Bible. Their church experience has left them empty, and they find no relevance in life centered around submission to Christ.
The second issue... we must live out true discipleship in our own lives. Parents... our kids need to see role models in church and at home who show them what a follower of Jesus looks and acts like. They need to see passionate, sold out, all-in, surrendered believers who love Jesus and who desire to live out biblical Christianity in all aspects of life. This is not perfection, as no one can go through life without making mistakes and stumbling. It’s showing yourself to be a genuine humble follower of Jesus who knows what you believe and why you believe it. It’s applying His Word to your life as you walk on a journey of holiness, and openly repenting when you blow it. When our kids see the impact Jesus has on the lives of the adults around them, it will hopefully impact them. Maybe not, but the example we present to family and friends is essential for holy living.
If you’re like me, you have family members who do not believe in Jesus or don’t live according to Godly principles. You struggle with a sense of hopelessness about their future. It rips at your heart and depresses you. Well, we are in good company. Jesus, our Lord, had a family who did not believe in him.
According to the Apostle John, “not even his brothers believed in him” (John 7:5). That’s incredible. Those who had lived with Jesus for 30 years really did not know him. Not one of Jesus’ brothers is mentioned as a disciple during his pre-crucifixion ministry. But after his resurrection and ascension, there they are in the upper room worshiping him as Savior and Lord (Acts 1:14).
Why didn’t they believe? And what made them change? The Bible doesn’t answer the first question. And, it had to be difficult to have Jesus for a brother.
First, Jesus would have been without peer in intellect and wisdom. He was astounding temple rabbis by age 12 (Luke 2:42, 47). A sinful, fallen, gifted sibling can be a hard act to follow... so just imagine what it was like trying to deal with a perfect, gifted sibling.
Second, Jesus’ consistent and extraordinary moral character must have made him odd and unnerving to be around. His siblings would have grown increasingly self-conscious around him, aware of their own sinful, self-obsessed motives and behavior, while noting that Jesus didn’t seem to exhibit any himself. For sinners, that could be hard to live with.
Third, Jesus was deeply and uniquely loved by Mary and Joseph. How could they not have treated him differently? They knew his origin was not of this earth... he was the Lord, the promised Messiah. Imagine their extraordinary trust in and deference to Jesus as he grew older. No doubt the siblings would have perceived a dimension to the relationship between the oldest child and their parents that was different from what they experienced. Most of us would become jealous and resentful in such a situation.
And when swapping family stories it would have been hard to match a star appearing at your brother’s birth with praises from an angelic host.
Jesus out-classed his siblings in every category. How could anyone with an active sin nature not resent being eclipsed by such a phenomenal brother? Familiarity breeds contempt when pride rules the heart.
More pain than we know must have been behind Jesus’ words, “a prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and in his own household” (Matthew 13:57).
So as we assess the role our weak, stumbling witness plays in our family members’ unbelief, let’s remember Jesus — not even a perfect witness guarantees that loved ones will see and embrace the gospel. We must humble ourselves and repent when we sin. But let’s remember that the god of this world and indwelling sin is what blinds the minds of unbelievers (2 Corinthians 4:4).
The story of Jesus’ brothers can actually give us hope for our loved ones. At the time his brothers claimed that Jesus was “out of his mind” (Mark 3:21), it must have appeared very unlikely that they would ever become his disciples. But eventually they did! And not only followers, but leaders and martyrs in the early church.
The God who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” shone in their hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of their brother, Jesus (2 Corinthians 4:6).
Its hard and frustrating, emotionally debilitating, when our family members, especially our grown children continue to resist embracing Christ as their savior and submit to live for Him. Don’t give up... take heart! Don’t give up praying for unbelieving family members. Don’t take their resistance as the final word. They may yet believe, they may yet live according to what they were taught in their youth.
And while they resist, or if they should part this life as rebellious or unbelieving, we can trust them to the Judge of all the earth who will be perfectly just (Genesis 18:25). Jesus does not promise that every parent, sibling, or child of a Christian will believe, but does painfully promise that some families will divide over him (Matthew 10:34-39). We can trust him when it happens.
It is moving to hear James refer to his brother as “our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory” (James 2:1). Can you imagine what this phrase meant for James? The Lord of glory had once slept beside him, ate at his dinner table, played with his friends, spoke to him like a brother, endured his unbelief, paid the debt of his sin, and then brought him to faith. It may have taken 20-30 years of faithful, prayerful witness by the Son of God, but the miracle occurred: his brothers believed.
Whether its our youth being challenged in their faith or parents living out true discipleship as an example of what faith accomplishes... will these things guarantee that our kids will be strong, uncompromising followers of Jesus? The answer we don’t want to hear... no.
We are fallen human beings who make mistakes and some of our kids and extended family will choose not to follow Christ no matter what we do or how pristine our Christian walk is before them. We must accept this as an uncomfortable reality of Christian community.
Remember... believing is a choice we all make. The choice to walk with God is not one that can be forced upon anyone. May the Lord of glory grant the same grace to our beloved family members who resist, but are not yet lost.
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