Mastering the Art of One–Anothering

Last week I said... “in a community of Christians we need only His counsel, nothing else.  It is just you, your brother and your sister in Christ and the purity of God’s own words to lead you into deeper fellowship and love with each other and Him!”

So this week God’s words from His Holy Word, not mine, will be in sharp focus.  They need no elaborate explanation.  Truth shines and is always simple to comprehend.  So, one verse at a time, let’s review the 22 One–Anothering passages, along with several supporting scriptures and see what God is trying to tell us.  As you consider each passage, look for that which MUST BE CULTIVATED in our relationships with ONE ANOTHER.

1. "Be at peace with one another" (Mark 9:50). "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men" (Romans 12:18). "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God" (Matthew 5:9). "So then let us pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another" (Romans 14:19). Jesus is our peace; He broke down all barriers that divide us and made us into ONE BODY, "thus establishing peace" (Ephesians 2:14-18). "Be diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (Ephesians 4:3). 

2.  "If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you" (John 13:14-15). Jesus did not intend here to institute a new symbolic rite/ritual or an actual sacrament, rather He showed that He, their leader, had stooped to serve their needs, and that they should do the same for one another. The emphasis is on the inner attitude of humble and voluntary service for others. 

3.  "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:34-35). "This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. This I command you, that you love one another" (John 15:12, 17). See also: Matthew 22:37-40; Romans 13:8-10; 1 John 2:9-11; 3:10-11, 14-15, 23; 4:7-21. 

4.  "For I long to see you in order that .... you and I may be mutually encouraged by one another's faith" (Romans 1:11-12). "...not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more, as you see the day drawing near" (Hebrews 10:25). "Therefore encourage one another, and build up one another, just as you also are doing" (1 Thessalonians 5:11). 

5.  "For as each of us has one body with many members, and not all the members have the same function, so too we, though many, are one body in Christ and individually members one of another. We have gifts (abilities, talents) that differ according to the favor bestowed on each of us" (Romans 12:4-6). "We are members of one another" (Ephesians 4:25). See also: 1 Corinthians 12:4-30; Ephesians 4:1-16; 1 Peter 4:10. 

6. "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves" (Romans 12:10). "Let each of you regard one another as more important than himself" (Philippians 2:3). "All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another" (1 Peter 5:5). "Submit to (defer to, be subject to) one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21). 

7.  "Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited" (Romans 12:16). The NIV phrases it this way: "Live in harmony with one another." The NAB says: "Have the same attitude toward all." "May God, the source of all patience and encouragement, enable you to live in perfect harmony with one another according to the Spirit of Christ Jesus" (Romans 15:5, NAB). 

8.  "Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law. Love does no wrong to a neighbor; love therefore is the fulfillment of the law" (Romans 13:8, 10). 

9.  "Let us pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another" (Romans 14:19). "Therefore encourage one another, and build up one another, just as you also are doing" (1 Thessalonians 5:11). When each member of the Body does its part in love, it "causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love" (Ephesians 4:16). 

10.  "Accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God" (Romans 15:7). See also: Romans 14:1-3. 

11.  "And concerning you, my brethren, I myself also am convinced that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, and able also to admonish one another" (Romans 15:14). This is the Greek word noutheteo which means: "to place within the mind; to instruct; warning based on instruction" (Vine's Expository Dictionary of NT Words). The NIV says: "Competent to instruct one another." The NAB & NEB say: "Able to give advice to one another." 

12.  "Greet one another with a holy kiss" (Romans 16:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12). "Greet one another with a kiss of love" (1 Peter 5:14). A visible, physical expression of love and fellowship.  A firm hand-shake... a genuine hug, embrace... these are the expressions of love and care we can express to one another. 

13.  "There should be no division (schism, dissension) in the body, but the members should have the same care (equally concerned) for one another. If one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members share its joy" (1 Corinthians 12:25-26). "Help carry (bear) one another's burdens; in that way you will fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2). 

14.   "Through love serve one another" (Galatians 5:13). "As each one has received a special gift (talent, ability), employ it in serving one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God" (1 Peter 4:10). 

15.  "Walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance (bearing with, endure patiently) to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (Ephesians 4:1-3). "Put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace" (Colossians 3:12-15). "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you" (Eph. 4:31-32). "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed" (James 5:16). 

16.  "May the Lord cause you to increase and abound in love for one another, and for all men" (1 Thessalonians 3:12). "Now as to the love of the brethren, you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another; and this you are doing with respect to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brethren, to excel still more" (1 Thessalonians 4:9-10). "The love of each one of you toward one another grows ever greater" (2 Thessalonians 1:3). 

17.  "Therefore comfort one another " (1 Thessalonians 4:18). This is from a Greek word which conveys the idea of calling someone to your side and placing an arm around them for the purpose of giving comfort, consolation and encouragement.  

18.  "See that no one repays another with evil for evil (or "wrong for wrong" --NIV), but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all men" (1 Thessalonians 5:15). 

19.  "Let us consider how to stimulate (stir up, rouse, spur on) one another to love and good deeds" (Hebrews 10:24). 

20.  "Be hospitable to one another without complaining (grumbling)" (1 Peter 4:9). "Practice hospitality" (Romans 12:13). "An overseer, then, must be .... hospitable" (1 Timothy 3:2; Titus 1:8). 

21.  "Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere (unhypocritical) love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart" (1 Peter 1:22). "Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers over a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8). 

22.  "For this is the message which you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another" (I John 3:11). "And this is His commandment, that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us" (1 John 3:23). "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.   The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love" (1 John 4:7-8). "Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has beheld God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us" (1 John 4:11-12). "If someone says 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also" (1 John 4:20-21). "And now I ask you, lady, not as writing to you a new commandment, but the one which we have had from the beginning, that we love one another" (2 John 5). 

There is one final passage that must be considered. This passage should be viewed as a challenge to each disciple of Christ. "Now Herod and Pilate became friends with one another that very day; for before they had been at enmity with one another" (Luke 23:12).  They didn’t like each other...?  But, on the day they “attacked” Jesus, common cause bound them together as friends...?

If two pagans can put their conflict behind them and become friends over their hatred for Jesus Christ, is it not possible for Christians to put their conflict behind them and become friends over their love for Jesus Christ?!!  Think about that one for awhile... decide how that stark reminder makes you feel when you harbor resentments toward a fellow Christian.  “In Christ”... we should never allow the standards and philosophies of the world to define our love and care for one another.  

Remember... we chose to be the way we are, to act and think the way we do.   God will only help us grow in Christlikeness if we let Him have unrestricted access to our lives.  To avoid those things which destroy relationships, and to cultivate those things which build them up... let God rule freely in your life!

One to Another... bound together in Brotherhood.

For many years I have used the 22 "one-anothering" verses in the NT as the linchpin of my Biblical teaching.  They are the bedrock of what Christ is trying to teach us.  

We accept Biblical truths, we commit our lives to him, we die to our former self in baptism and rise to a joyous new life.  That's a great start to a new life in Christ.  It might also be the easiest part of the journey.   Like money in the bank, the Christian-walk will get rough and rocky as we journey in fellowship and frequent conflict with other Christians.   

We come face-to-face with all the sordid baggage, temptations and unsavory tendencies we all have – pride, arrogance, the need to feel and be important to name a few of our issues with one another.    It's a tall order to live in peace in Christian community when faced with this person and that person we don't much care for.   Our prejudices toward one another boil over in anger, bitterness and all forms of resentments.   Often, these ungodly tendencies [we all have them] are enflamed by deep anxieties that seem beyond our control.  In frustration we lash out at the first person available... often an outsider, a new person in the congregation or the person front and center.... like the preacher or the elders.  The preacher is such an easy target to attack.... everything he says and does is under constant unrelenting scrutiny.  The elders, they're "in charge" so they get blamed for everything.  Often... we get embroiled in unexpected situations that quickly spin out of control and we end up hurting someone or being wounded ourselves by a fellow Christian.

Christ knew we would suffer from these potentially destructive situations.  Therefore, He provided a strategy based on “accepting each other as we are” and learning to love one another without unrealistic expectations.  

Christians today are no different than those of the first century... we are desperately in need of admonishment, forgiveness and unconditional acceptance of one another.  Easy?  Absolutely not... its one of the hardest things you will ever do in life.  Can you do it?  You absolutely can. God has given us the foundation... we just have to be humble enough to apply it to ourselves.

The One–Anothering principles set forth by our Lord and championed by the Apostles were demonstrated to be essential for genuine Christian brotherhood as exemplified by the first century Christians.  The cornerstone of these principles begin with Jesus saying...

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35   

The ultimate living challenge for all professing Christians... is to work through the following list of verses and try and imagine yourself as the catalyst, an initiator among a group of people who above all things seek to demonstrate and practice the art of one-anothering.   Our Lord set forth these principles to help us accept one another in-spite of our flaws and faults.  

With these principles guiding our relationships, we can overcome the human tendency to be critical of one another.  We can accept all persons regardless of the occasional hurt and harm we do to one another, just as God accepts each and everyone who embraces Him as Savior.  Here's the LIST of 22 Biblical passages that speak to Christian Relationships...

1. Loving one another (John 13:34) 

2. Forgiving one another ((Ephesians 4:32) 

3. Accepting one another (Romans 15:7) 

4. Bearing with one another (Ephesians 4:2 

5. Being devoted to one another (Romans 12:10) 

6. Honoring one another (Romans 12:10) 

7. Greeting one another (2 Corinthians 13:12) 

8. Being hospitable to one another (1 Peter 4:9) 

9. Being kind and compassionate to one another (Ephesians 4:32) 

10. Sharing with one another (Hebrews 13:16) 

11. Serving one another (Galatians 5:13) 

12. Carrying one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2) 

13. Building up one another  (1 Thessalonians 5:11) 

14. Encouraging one another daily (Hebrews 3:13) 

15. Comforting one another (1 Thessalonians) 

16. Stimulating one another to love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24) 

17. Instructing one another (Romans 15:14) 

18. Admonishing one another (Colossians 3:16) 

19. Praying for one another (James 5:16) 

20. Confessing your sins to one another (James 5:16) 

21. Being of the same mind toward one another (Romans 12:16) 

22. Submitting to one another (Ephesians 5:21)

Committed Christians should desire to make these qualities their natural response in all interpersonal relationships.  Learning to love one another as Christ loved us is a monumental challenge... but with a willing heart and the power of the Holy Spirit by whom “we are transformed”... we can come to know what God would have us cultivate so that our relationships with one another might be more mutually edifying.   

The benefits for a growing Church family are endless.  There is no limit to how much we can grow in personal awareness and spiritual intimacy with one another.  We can truly be the bridges to others who seek to know God and be “bound together in the Spirit” with others of like faith.  But only if there is peace among brethren.  Conflict, divisiveness, divisions... will destroy unity and fellowship. 

These “22 one-anotherings” designed by God Himself, His words, from His Word, are not the writings' of men.  Therefore, in a community of Christians we need only His counsel, nothing else.  It is just you, your brother and your sister in Christ and the purity of God’s own words to lead you into deeper fellowship and love with each other and Him!

How are You doing with your Relationships?

Most of us have grown up in a culture that has moved increasingly in the direction of the disposable. The reason? We are in love with pain-free lives.  Don’t fix it or mend it, just buy a new one.  We seem to approach relationships in much the same manner.  

A pain-free life has become the new god of our society—a god to be pursued at any cost, a god for whom anything else can be sacrificed. That, by the way, is why so many people have turned away from the God of the Bible––because the God of the Bible obviously allows us to experience pain.  And many people have decided that a God who allows a great deal of pain, especially in interpersonal relationships,  is a God that they have not the slightest interest in knowing.

Indeed, when a pain-free life becomes the ultimate goal––becomes the god of a society––then the strategy to pursue such becomes very simple. When anything or anyone comes in the way of pain-free living, or where anyone or anything makes my life uncomfortable, then I must get away from them or get rid of them.

Do you relate to how this mindset develops?  The ultimate goal––the ultimate god––is a pain-free life.  A conflict free life... with no rules or at least very few and only those that mesh with "my” definition of what a rule should be. So anything that causes pain [aggravation] then causes me to move, to separate myself from the source of pain, discomfort, aggravation. 

Over a period of years, as this has multiplied throughout our society, a culture develops in which more and more people feel rootless. We move to new homes, new jobs, new friends, new places, and new churches always seeking to find that certain something that will ensure a happy aggravation free life.  

Every time we feel unhappy, the answer is to move on again and again.  So relationships increasingly become a means to an end, something to be enjoyed as long as they are comfortable. We end up with more and more people in a community who simply feel used and abused.

God’s Word plunges us into a world that is completely and utterly different from the one we live in now and the one we’ve crafted in our minds as our ideal pain–free place.   The Bible presents a world where relationships are not disposable. This is something that we, as Christian people, desperately need to discover if we are going to live counter-culturally in a society that is breaking apart.

God allows the pain of difficult relationships to bloom and produce consequences. You might want to take some time and read 1 Samuel 8:4–22.  In fact, read the entire book of First Samuel... the story of King Saul and David.   It’s a telling story of the varied consequences of pain experienced in the midst of what the Israelites thought was a plan administered by the hand of God.  It's a personal story, of the pain and extreme aggravation between Saul and the future King David.  

Israel’s first King Saul, turned out to be a disaster. The Israelites later realized that they had made a foolish choice when they began to experience the pain of living with their own foolishness. God was not absent or distant from their pain. First Samuel 15:35 says... “The Lord was grieved that he had made Saul king over Israel.”

The Lord was “grieved.” This doesn’t mean that God had made a mistake. God knew precisely what he was doing when he allowed Saul to be the king in response to the people’s clamoring for a King. The story reminds us that God feels the pain of his people... in that alone we should find a measure of comfort when dealing with difficult relationships.

It’s important for us to remember, God is not some cosmic scientist conducting experiments on us. “Oh, I wonder what’ll happen if I make him king? Oh, dear, that didn’t work out! Let’s try something else.” That’s not the God of the Bible. He knows precisely what he is doing at all times. 

There is no pain in your life that God is not aware of and there is no pain in your life that God has not also felt. He entered into the pain that came to his people as a result of him allowing Saul to be king, which was the consequence of their insistent and foolish choice.

Consider the place you are right now in your life and the people you’re interacting with on a regular basis.  How are things going for you?  Every single one of us has a person or persons in our lives that we just don’t get along with.  Sometimes we know why and sometimes we are just baffled by the tension that exists in some of our relationships.  Should you discard those relationships because they’re too hard to deal with?  How about ignoring the person as if they don’t exist?  Will such avoidance tactics work?  

God does not want us tossing one another aside like disposable objects because we don’t always get along, or think the same way, or have the same personality type, or see things in the same way.

It’s not terribly difficult for any of us to identify the challenging relationships that trouble our lives.  We all have them.  But here’s our solution to challenging relationships... God will help us use difficult people we deal with everyday of our lives to advance the reflected image of the life of Jesus within us and through us. For that is His ultimate purpose, rather than a pain-free life—He seeks to grow within committed Christians, the qualities of a Christ-like lifestyle.

Once we begin to see that our lives are ordered by the loving hand of God working out his ultimate purpose in us and through us, then we will have an entirely different attitude toward the difficult people in our lives.

Next time... we’ll dig a bit deeper into God’s Word about the essential attitudes, which are the pillars of our relationships with all people... especially our Christian brothers and sisters.  

The Wise CHOICE... “have no other gods before ME”

In the last article I presented a message titled... Place God at the Center of your Life Choices.  I want to carry on with that theme this week by pointing to the Apostle Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians.  He dealt with many things in his counsel to the Corinthian congregation, significant among them was a section on liberty and love, two essential elements of the human spirit.  The ideals of liberty and love influence every aspect of our lives and they weigh heavily on our choices and decisions for a spiritually healthy Christian life. 

Paul began his liberty and love focus (chapter 8) with a discussion about meat sacrificed to idols.  Idols are commonplace in Greek culture so his analogy will be quickly understood.  Paul says idols are nothing, they’re worthless.  However he takes the analogy a step further by saying it would be better not to eat meat at all, than to cause an immature Christian to think communing with idols is acceptable. There was an ongoing debate among the corinthian Christians about such meat sacrificed to idols and then later sold in the open market to anyone.  Some Christians believed eating such meat meant they were participating in pagan worship, thus compromising their relationship with Christ, other Christians did not feel that way.  Paul used himself as an example of  on who had chosen to deny himself certain rights and privileges for the sake of the gospel.  In other words, Paul would not do something even though it might be permissible, if it might possibly harm another Christians walk with the Lord.  Finally, at the beginning of chapter 10 Paul warned the Corinthians to beware [of their conduct, their choices, their actions]... “lest they fall.”  (If you have not read the letters to the Corinthians, please do so, the counsel and wisdom is pertinent for today’s Christians).  

Sobering counsel indeed.  Christians know better than to keep idols of stone, wood, or metal in their homes.  No one professing Christ would do such a thing.  Nevertheless, many Christians are at risk of practicing idolatry, subtle as it may be, in their hearts manifested by their choices and actions.

True obedience and submission begins in the heart.  It would then stand to reason that idolatry and rebellion also begins there. The prophet Samuel revealed that truth a thousand years before Christ when he told King Saul, "For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness as idolatry" (1 Sam. 15:23). The Apostle Paul also linked idolatry to the heart when he wrote to the Colossian Christians about "sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry" (Col. 3:1-5).  His counsel was simple... “set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated...”  Things “above” are good, “earthly things”... not so good.

Being a Christian is no guarantee that you cannot be lured by the subtleties of idolatry.   Before reacting in smug self-assurance that such a thing could never happen to you, bear in mind that following the Exodus, the whole nation of Israel fell into idolatry.  They had God himself visibly in their presence day and night, and only two men out of hundreds of thousands resisted the allure of disobedience and idolatry. Before we begin patting ourselves on the back for not having physical idols sitting about the house, consider the temptations to plant idols in the recesses and corridors of our hearts. 

False gods have not gone away in today’s communities of Christians, they just go by different names. None of us bow down to statues of Aphrodite, but are you guilty of looking at pornography on the Internet? Do you allow yourself to be titillated by provocative images in R-rated movies and edgy programs on television? We no longer worship the Olympian gods, but how many of us have made idols of our favorite entertainers or sports stars, to the extent that we make choices and decisions based on the influence they have on us? We don't offer burnt offerings to Mammon, but has our infatuation with earning, spending, and hoarding money become idols in our hearts? Do we place love for our biological families before love for God and his church? If we have done any of these things, if any of these things take a priority position in our lives, dominate our choices and decisions, then we are guilty of idolatrous conduct before Almighty God.  

Here’s a hard one to handle.  Do we think of ourselves more as Americans than as Christians?  Unbridled patriotism, placing the state before God, being consumed by the political machinations of manmade government... is idolatry.   Being a good citizen, and an active participant in the political process, our right as a citizen, must be tempered by our focused allegiance on God’s Kingdom, and the realities of this world and all earthly governments.  (1 Corinthians 7:31; 1 John 2:17; Matthew 7:24-28)

We can even commit idolatry in the name of the church,  sabotaging our our walk with God.  Human beings, every one of us, have been created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-28). Yet we are constantly tempted to shift the relationship to our advantage... to view God as no more than a super-human, someone created in our image to satisfy our every whim and desire.  We do that by transforming Him into a God that performs like a genie in a bottle... a grantor of our wishes and desires.  Someone once said, "Satan is the master counterfeiter" with the ability to make evil look good to eyes untrained in spiritual discernment.  No kidding!Trying to reshape God in our own image is idolatry of a very serious nature, especially when we can fall into it without even knowing we're being engulfed. 

That's all the more reason to know who God really is as revealed in Scripture. All the more reason to know God at the deepest level, to pray constantly, to be in fellowship with like-minded believers with whom you can share the challenges and travails of your journey in Christ.  Your choices in life, must reflect obedient, patient submission [conformity] to the holy and righteous standards of God.  All else becomes the seeds of idolatry.

Whether we admit it to ourselves or not, Christians choose every day between the tables of demons and the table of the Lord.   Who will you commune with? 

It's very sobering to read about the Corinthians, because the so-called stronger Christians don't seem to have been aware of the danger they faced from doing everyday simple things... pursuing their rights and freedoms but in do so communing with demons. They didn't realize the implications of the choices before them, but they were choosing nevertheless... and it was the wrong choice. 

Think and pray on these things and review the choices and the influences that bear heavily on your life.

Place God at the CENTER of your Life Choices...

Personal choices, making decisions that work, that last, that add solidarity to your life  can be very challenging for some folks.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  However, to lesson the stress and burden of making choices, you will need to learn a life changing lesson.  It’s learning to consistently think about what you’re planning to do, with God at the center of your decision making process.  

Our choices and decisions can be condensed down to two questions: first, does my choice [an action or opportunity] reflect who I am in Christ? Second, does my choice/decision bring me closer to the purposes for which I was created?  Coming to terms with these two questions, and using them as the filter through which we make our life choices, frees us from the paralysis of poor life choices. 

Many of us are stuck, sometimes paralyzed, when it comes to making choices because we’ve never taken the time to figure out who we are and determine where we're going. 

As a Christ-follower, a Christian, we know ourselves best when we are immersed in a relationship with Jesus Christ.  We must be constantly seeking Him and allowing the Holy Spirit to transform us into creatures worthy of the spiritual relationship God has extended to us.  In getting to know Christ, we come to know ourselves and our limitations. This liberates us to live authentic lives, free from the false freedom of choices based on worldly philosophies and flawed wisdom, that distract us from a life of meaning and purpose “in step” with Christ.

What you believe about God affects the way you approach life—often in ways you don’t even realize.  Worldly wisdom does not come close to defining true freedom.  When we make choices and decisions based on the things, the desires and the pursuits of a fallen world, we are rejecting God’s wise counsel and protection of our souls.  Do you at times feel as if God limits you, or liberates you?  Do you think He is more interested in correcting you or connecting with you?  And when you hit a rough spot and start looking for help, do you believe God is against you or on your side?   In all of life’s situations and circumstances, driven by the desires of the heart, we either make the path forward easier or more complicated than it needs to be, based on the criteria we use to make our choices.

God’s Word opens our eyes to everything He does and want to do for and with us.  When you live in God’s purpose, enveloped by His identity, you will find your own true identity, your true value, and your unique purpose on earth.  

Maybe its time to stop trying to be someone else and enjoy being yourself as you join with God in doing the work of His kingdom. When God looks at you He always says “yes”  but you might not be listening, because you’ve not immersed yourself in getting to know Him in ways that reveal who you really are and how much you need His help. 

It’s time to live like you know it.

It’s Time to Man Up!

In an October 4, 2011, article produced for CNN, William J. Bennett, former Secretary of Education during the Reagan presidency, wrote this commentary: "Today, 18-to-34-year-old men spend more time playing video games a day than 12-to-17-year-old boys. While women are graduating college and finding good jobs, too many men are not going to work, not getting married and not raising families. Women are beginning to take the place of men in many ways. This has led some to ask... Do we even need men?”

"So what's wrong? Increasingly, the messages to boys about what it means to be a man are confusing. The machismo of the street gang calls out with a swagger. Video games, television and music offer dubious lessons to boys who have been abandoned by their fathers. Some coaches and drill sergeants bark, 'What kind of man are you?' but don't explain what it means to be a man.”

"Movies are filled with stories of men who refuse to grow up and refuse to take responsibility in relationships. Men, some obsessed with sex, treat women as toys to be discarded when things get complicated. Through all these different and conflicting signals, our boys must decipher what it means to be a man, and for many of them it is harder than ever before to figure out.”

"For boys to become men, they need to be guided through advice, habit, instruction, example and correction. This is true for all ages. Someone once characterized the two essential questions Plato posed... Who teaches the children, and what do we teach them? Each generation of men and women have an obligation to teach the younger males (and females, of course) coming behind them. William Wordsworth said, 'What we have loved, others will love, and we will teach them how.' When they fail in that obligation, trouble surely follows.”

"We need to respond to this culture that sends confusing signals to young men, a culture that is agnostic about what it wants men to be, with a clear and achievable notion of manhood.”

"The Founding Fathers believed, and the evidence still shows, that industriousness, marriage and religion are a very important basis for male empowerment and achievement. We may need to say to our 20-something men, 'Get off the video games five hours a day, get yourself together, get a challenging job and get married.' It's time for men to man-up."  [End of Bennett’s Commentary]

If only God’s wisdom and counsel would prevail in today's society.  Maybe our young men would be growing to manhood and taking their rightful places in God’s order of things.   Unfortunately, in our era of seeking escape from reality through various pleasures – slothfulness – a disinclination to work or exert oneself, is on the rise.   Who’s responsible for this growing epidemic affecting this generation of young men?

Proverbs 22:16 says... “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”   Deuteronomy 4:9 reinforces with this wise counsel... “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”  Finally, in Deuteronomy 11:19 we are admonished of the urgency and seriousness of raising our children, our young men in Godly ways... “Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

Parents are responsible for instilling these and many other Godly values and principles in their children. Without Godly wisdom and standards as the bulwark for life, what will be the fate of our young men in the twenty-first century? Will our young men increasingly be living perpetual childhoods, dominated by the mindless pursuit of electronic fantasies?  Evidence suggests that the distinctions between childhood and adulthood are blurring.  The inclination to “grow up” is no longer a passion for young people, especially young men. 

Many parents provide childhood wants without requiring personal effort on the part of their child.  Laziness is a result of slothfulness.  In the child’s mind, he believes he can get what he wants without work.  As this mentality escalates with age, when he cannot obtain the things he wants, there is a retreat into fantasies, exemplified by the powerful lures of video gaming.  God’s reproofs of slothfulness are very painful. Proverbs 15:19 states: “The way of the slothful man is as a hedge of thorns...” A sluggard has trouble all through his life.  For this reason, we must help our young men conquer slothfulness in themselves.

How?  Instill Diligence.  Diligence is the general rule for success in life, and it does not require any special ability or even an education.  It is an intentional choice. Diligence is intense and persistent effort to accomplish something; its usually hard work and requires continuing effort.  It’s the basics of life, done well every day. Be early to work. Never miss a day. Be first to volunteer for extra duties. Ask for more to do when things are slow. Skip the  breaks. Apply focused and intense output for the whole day. Do not waste or steal time for personal matters. Stay until the job is done. Be more eager to punch in than punch out. Outwork anyone else around you. Enjoy self-imposed stress. Work extra hard on difficult jobs. Cheerfully agree to every assignment. Set records for quantity and quality. Avoid things that will waste time. Work as if the Lord were watching, because He is! 

Diligence is key to a successful life - no matter what aspect of life you are considering. Parents... demonstrate this character attribute in your life endeavors, talk about the qualities of diligence around the dinner table, and your children, your young men, will hear you.  From your marriage to your house, from your children to your soul, diligence is a main ingredient for successful Christian living. (Proverbs 4:23; 5:19; 14:1; 29:15-17).   

The Word of God is our Spiritual guide for every phase of life... from our youth to old age.   

Becoming a Person Dependent on Prayer

God wants people to pray. Jesus set the example we should be following. He himself prayed. He taught his followers to pray, and how not to pray. He brought His closest followers with Him to the garden of Gethsemane to keep watch and to pray, as He began His hardest day in earnest prayer. 

The apostles called on believers to be in "unceasing prayer" (Romans 12:12;, Colossians 4:2; 1 Thessalonians 5:17; Ephesians 6:18; Jude 20; 1 Peter 4:7; Philippians 4:6.) Paul was a pray-er, too ( 2 Corinthians 13:7; Ephesians 1:16-23; Philippians 1:9; 2 Thessalonians 1:11). The early church urged its members to pray intercessions for all. The early church even prayed for their government's rulers, who were often trying to stop them and (rarely) even kill them. Their concerns were not just for their own.

The more your heart opens to God in prayer, the more that your prayers will bolster your daily life.  Spiritual disciplines and practices assist us in learning to open ourselves to God through prayer.

Jesus gives a great lesson on what prayer is like. It's like the woman who keeps knocking at the door until the judge comes out and addresses her concern, if only just to get rid of those annoying knocks. (Picture Jesus smiling as he tells the story.) But how much more would you be heard by Someone who loves you?  Many Christians today are not praying, not praying correctly and simply don’t trust this amazing avenue of power and privilege God has given to us... Prayer.  God wants to hear from us, in our own words, any time any place.  

Let’s review some things that may help you develop a more robust, trusting and confident prayer life. 

Thinking is not Praying.  There's a big difference between just thinking something and praying it to God. Prayer has a direction. You're not churning “issues and matters” in your brain or sharing it with friends or getting in touch with your inner self.  Prayer is an intentional event, always directed to God.  Through prayer you are acknowledging not only God's existence, but also a relationship and even a certain degree of trust.  Through prayer, trust in God grows over time.  Prayer is never a waste of time because God is always at work in this confused, ambiguous world, and through the avenue of prayer we can be drawn closer to God's good purposes. 

Prayer is our response to God's work.  There's an unspoken hope in each prayer, even if it hangs by a thread or is the size of a mustard seed, that somehow the mightiest being of all thinks you matter.  God's response also has a direction: you will not be left adrift or be led nowhere (unless, like Israel in the wilderness, you have a lesson to be learned from the drifting).

Prayer is no place for illusions. Yet, each of us clings to illusions, and we will end up somehow bringing them into our prayers. This leads to what James called “asking amiss.”  The Spirit is working to teach us the truth, and the growth of our prayer relationship with God depends on how well we take heed of God’s pure truth.

God controls the outcome of prayer.   Not the Church, not the preacher, not elders, not the person who prays, only God has the power to control the outcomes.  God cannot be manipulated through prayer, even though we see many such attempts.  A preacher delivers a sermon where he is doing nothing more than playing the role of ventriloquist for 'God'.  So it is also with the “health and wealth” pseudo-gospel where the church 'prays' with the attitude of a puppeteer: pull the strings, and God's hand stretches out to send forth a blessing.  God is not a genie in a lamp; and our self-centered wishes are not commands to God.  God is not a “wish and blessing” dispenser, where we say a prayer and shortly after comes the desired response.  

Jesus taught us to pray that “God's will” be done.  That means seeking God's purposes instead of seeking our own desires.  So don’t expect prayer to bring forth the new car, new house, bigger bank account or a passing grade or a fast-track promotion or any miraculous sign.  Jesus didn't promise earthly bliss, not even a pain free life.  Jesus' promises are for those who abide in Him, and put themselves at His service. There is such a thing as the wrath of God, and one sure way to provoke it is to try to manipulate God for one's own advantage. 

Prayer is not a laundry list. It is communication with someone you love and trust. Don't just pray when you want something. Prayer is as much listening ('meditation') as it is talking, as much a sharing as it is a plea for help.  Yet, God has asked us to ask, to talk with Him about our desires and needs.  Our conversation with Him through prayer is a major part of the way He transforms our thinking, the way He refocuses our self-centeredness towards giving, loving and responding to what He wants us to do and to be.  Nothing's too small, too big, too hard, or for that matter too twisted by our selfishness or lack of perception, for God to hear in our prayers.  God's active in the world in which we live, involved in what's going on.  A lot of it flies in the face of divine will, but God's very good at finding ways to make the best of the bad situations created by the fallen creation we are a part of. Even our own worst foul-ups.

Ask, and you will receive... but often you receive something that's more in keeping with what God wants you to become.  Transformation will come in God's time, not ours. 

Prayer does not label or condemn others.  Jesus shares the story about a fixture in the religious community who when praying thanked God that he was not like the traitorous tax collecting low-life scum that worked for the Romans. His story was not only an example of being prideful, it's an example of reducing a person to a category. 

Categories are useful for understanding data, but they're dreadful for understanding a person.  You may not be as out front about it as the proud religious man of the parable, but do you ever pray about people as if they have some pre-determined attitude or worth?   It's not hard to find people who pray about a "godless liberal" or "heathen" or "hypocrite" or "snob", and so on.  In fact, you’ve probably heard such references in audible prayers said in the assembly of the church.  Maybe such prayers are innocently said, out of ignorance, but none-the-less they are hurtful on many levels to the one who prays such things and those who hear.  Treating people according to a label can be almost as harmful when we mean good by it, because we're not treating that specific person as the person they actually are.  It's bad enough that the world around us depersonalizes people.  It's a serious sin for followers of Christ to do so, since we should know better. Christ died not just for all of us, but for each of us. 

The religious leader of that same parable was doing something else which has no place in our prayers to God. He was comparing himself (favorably, of course) to someone else. God isn't weighing you against anyone else, no one of today and no one of the past.  Like a good mother does with her children, God loves each of us completely for who we are.  If you're someone who is prone to being depressed, among the most common of mental traps is to say, "I'm not as worthy as (someone else)", or "God, why did you make my life so miserable and that person’s life so happy"?  That can be a real source of depression.  That's not how God sees you. Your real worth is what God deems you to be, and how good or bad or happy or pathetic others are just doesn’t matter in His view of you.  If that's so, then there's no reason to let comparison creep into your life, especially not in prayer.  All it does is pervert what you pray for and dulls your sensitivity to God’s response.

Sometimes what you desire is not material at all. Sometimes you just want the sense of control that comes from having everything go according to plan. You believe that if everything follows your plan, it will work out best overall for yourself and those you care about, progressing as it should. Or so you think.  So you pray to God, trying to convince Him that you have it right, that you know the way your life should go.  Thusly, your prayers are designed to convince God to give your plan divine blessing.  Once again, we’re forgetting who God is. Our plans are awfully puny when stacked next to God's, even though we want things to work as we envision our life journey.  Yield and submit totally and completely to the will of God; let your prayers say to God that you are nothing more than clay in His hands... do with me as you will God.   The Lord already has a plan under way, it’s called "the Kingdom of God". It's a plan that will continue to work with or without you.  Pray incessantly that God will guide you into the part of His divine plan where you can be the most effective.

Pray for your enemies.  When you pray the prayer Jesus taught His disciples, you ask God to forgive you as you forgive those who wrong you. It says nothing about those who wrong you forgiving you, or changing their mind about you. It says nothing about those who wrong you asking you -- or even God -- for forgiveness.  What 'they' do or did to you is not in the picture. It has no part in your being forgiven by God. It does not affect your need and your duty before God to forgive others. 

You can't change someone else, you can only change yourself. Whether your changes change others is between them and God, and is not set by you. Forgiveness does not cause reconciliation.  If the other party has not forgiven, or if either party has not taken steps beyond forgiveness to cause change in the situation, there is no reconciliation.  But “forgiveness” is the essential step. It is where you are being led as the Spirit transforms you to the likeness of Christ. Christ admonishes us to change our thinking toward others. The Lord's prayer isn't a call to pretend we are not being wronged, or to be silent or still as others are wronged. The wrong is still there, and the wrong is still every bit as wrong. But in forgiveness, we share the grace God gave to us for the wrongs we did.  Jesus taught us to pray for God to give us what it takes to do so.

God hears our prayers, whomever we are. I believe that God even hears the heart-felt prayers of the non-Christian, whomever they may be.  God heard the pleas of Cain for safety, and Cain didn't care about God.  A God who is deaf to the cries of an animist mother whose son is dying is a very different sort of god than “God the Father” who sent His own son to die to save the human race. 

The One we pray to sends rain and sunshine to the evil as well as the good, and calls on us to love our enemies because that's how God loves the entire world. The Lord will at least communicate, though the response would be different with those who don't believe.  While God's reply may be different, the Lord cares about all sinners, whether we accept God's forgiveness and new life in Christ or not.  Prayer's power comes from God's love and God's promises, not ours. The difference with the believing Christian is that God promised us full attention and a loving reply to our prayers, and we can live our lives in that promise. 

When the Christian prays... it's to a Father who hears His Son's voice speaking for and with us.