How are You doing with your Relationships?

Most of us have grown up in a culture that has moved increasingly in the direction of the disposable. The reason? We are in love with pain-free lives.  Don’t fix it or mend it, just buy a new one.  We seem to approach relationships in much the same manner.  

A pain-free life has become the new god of our society—a god to be pursued at any cost, a god for whom anything else can be sacrificed. That, by the way, is why so many people have turned away from the God of the Bible––because the God of the Bible obviously allows us to experience pain.  And many people have decided that a God who allows a great deal of pain, especially in interpersonal relationships,  is a God that they have not the slightest interest in knowing.

Indeed, when a pain-free life becomes the ultimate goal––becomes the god of a society––then the strategy to pursue such becomes very simple. When anything or anyone comes in the way of pain-free living, or where anyone or anything makes my life uncomfortable, then I must get away from them or get rid of them.

Do you relate to how this mindset develops?  The ultimate goal––the ultimate god––is a pain-free life.  A conflict free life... with no rules or at least very few and only those that mesh with "my” definition of what a rule should be. So anything that causes pain [aggravation] then causes me to move, to separate myself from the source of pain, discomfort, aggravation. 

Over a period of years, as this has multiplied throughout our society, a culture develops in which more and more people feel rootless. We move to new homes, new jobs, new friends, new places, and new churches always seeking to find that certain something that will ensure a happy aggravation free life.  

Every time we feel unhappy, the answer is to move on again and again.  So relationships increasingly become a means to an end, something to be enjoyed as long as they are comfortable. We end up with more and more people in a community who simply feel used and abused.

God’s Word plunges us into a world that is completely and utterly different from the one we live in now and the one we’ve crafted in our minds as our ideal pain–free place.   The Bible presents a world where relationships are not disposable. This is something that we, as Christian people, desperately need to discover if we are going to live counter-culturally in a society that is breaking apart.

God allows the pain of difficult relationships to bloom and produce consequences. You might want to take some time and read 1 Samuel 8:4–22.  In fact, read the entire book of First Samuel... the story of King Saul and David.   It’s a telling story of the varied consequences of pain experienced in the midst of what the Israelites thought was a plan administered by the hand of God.  It's a personal story, of the pain and extreme aggravation between Saul and the future King David.  

Israel’s first King Saul, turned out to be a disaster. The Israelites later realized that they had made a foolish choice when they began to experience the pain of living with their own foolishness. God was not absent or distant from their pain. First Samuel 15:35 says... “The Lord was grieved that he had made Saul king over Israel.”

The Lord was “grieved.” This doesn’t mean that God had made a mistake. God knew precisely what he was doing when he allowed Saul to be the king in response to the people’s clamoring for a King. The story reminds us that God feels the pain of his people... in that alone we should find a measure of comfort when dealing with difficult relationships.

It’s important for us to remember, God is not some cosmic scientist conducting experiments on us. “Oh, I wonder what’ll happen if I make him king? Oh, dear, that didn’t work out! Let’s try something else.” That’s not the God of the Bible. He knows precisely what he is doing at all times. 

There is no pain in your life that God is not aware of and there is no pain in your life that God has not also felt. He entered into the pain that came to his people as a result of him allowing Saul to be king, which was the consequence of their insistent and foolish choice.

Consider the place you are right now in your life and the people you’re interacting with on a regular basis.  How are things going for you?  Every single one of us has a person or persons in our lives that we just don’t get along with.  Sometimes we know why and sometimes we are just baffled by the tension that exists in some of our relationships.  Should you discard those relationships because they’re too hard to deal with?  How about ignoring the person as if they don’t exist?  Will such avoidance tactics work?  

God does not want us tossing one another aside like disposable objects because we don’t always get along, or think the same way, or have the same personality type, or see things in the same way.

It’s not terribly difficult for any of us to identify the challenging relationships that trouble our lives.  We all have them.  But here’s our solution to challenging relationships... God will help us use difficult people we deal with everyday of our lives to advance the reflected image of the life of Jesus within us and through us. For that is His ultimate purpose, rather than a pain-free life—He seeks to grow within committed Christians, the qualities of a Christ-like lifestyle.

Once we begin to see that our lives are ordered by the loving hand of God working out his ultimate purpose in us and through us, then we will have an entirely different attitude toward the difficult people in our lives.

Next time... we’ll dig a bit deeper into God’s Word about the essential attitudes, which are the pillars of our relationships with all people... especially our Christian brothers and sisters.  

The Wise CHOICE... “have no other gods before ME”

In the last article I presented a message titled... Place God at the Center of your Life Choices.  I want to carry on with that theme this week by pointing to the Apostle Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians.  He dealt with many things in his counsel to the Corinthian congregation, significant among them was a section on liberty and love, two essential elements of the human spirit.  The ideals of liberty and love influence every aspect of our lives and they weigh heavily on our choices and decisions for a spiritually healthy Christian life. 

Paul began his liberty and love focus (chapter 8) with a discussion about meat sacrificed to idols.  Idols are commonplace in Greek culture so his analogy will be quickly understood.  Paul says idols are nothing, they’re worthless.  However he takes the analogy a step further by saying it would be better not to eat meat at all, than to cause an immature Christian to think communing with idols is acceptable. There was an ongoing debate among the corinthian Christians about such meat sacrificed to idols and then later sold in the open market to anyone.  Some Christians believed eating such meat meant they were participating in pagan worship, thus compromising their relationship with Christ, other Christians did not feel that way.  Paul used himself as an example of  on who had chosen to deny himself certain rights and privileges for the sake of the gospel.  In other words, Paul would not do something even though it might be permissible, if it might possibly harm another Christians walk with the Lord.  Finally, at the beginning of chapter 10 Paul warned the Corinthians to beware [of their conduct, their choices, their actions]... “lest they fall.”  (If you have not read the letters to the Corinthians, please do so, the counsel and wisdom is pertinent for today’s Christians).  

Sobering counsel indeed.  Christians know better than to keep idols of stone, wood, or metal in their homes.  No one professing Christ would do such a thing.  Nevertheless, many Christians are at risk of practicing idolatry, subtle as it may be, in their hearts manifested by their choices and actions.

True obedience and submission begins in the heart.  It would then stand to reason that idolatry and rebellion also begins there. The prophet Samuel revealed that truth a thousand years before Christ when he told King Saul, "For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness as idolatry" (1 Sam. 15:23). The Apostle Paul also linked idolatry to the heart when he wrote to the Colossian Christians about "sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry" (Col. 3:1-5).  His counsel was simple... “set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated...”  Things “above” are good, “earthly things”... not so good.

Being a Christian is no guarantee that you cannot be lured by the subtleties of idolatry.   Before reacting in smug self-assurance that such a thing could never happen to you, bear in mind that following the Exodus, the whole nation of Israel fell into idolatry.  They had God himself visibly in their presence day and night, and only two men out of hundreds of thousands resisted the allure of disobedience and idolatry. Before we begin patting ourselves on the back for not having physical idols sitting about the house, consider the temptations to plant idols in the recesses and corridors of our hearts. 

False gods have not gone away in today’s communities of Christians, they just go by different names. None of us bow down to statues of Aphrodite, but are you guilty of looking at pornography on the Internet? Do you allow yourself to be titillated by provocative images in R-rated movies and edgy programs on television? We no longer worship the Olympian gods, but how many of us have made idols of our favorite entertainers or sports stars, to the extent that we make choices and decisions based on the influence they have on us? We don't offer burnt offerings to Mammon, but has our infatuation with earning, spending, and hoarding money become idols in our hearts? Do we place love for our biological families before love for God and his church? If we have done any of these things, if any of these things take a priority position in our lives, dominate our choices and decisions, then we are guilty of idolatrous conduct before Almighty God.  

Here’s a hard one to handle.  Do we think of ourselves more as Americans than as Christians?  Unbridled patriotism, placing the state before God, being consumed by the political machinations of manmade government... is idolatry.   Being a good citizen, and an active participant in the political process, our right as a citizen, must be tempered by our focused allegiance on God’s Kingdom, and the realities of this world and all earthly governments.  (1 Corinthians 7:31; 1 John 2:17; Matthew 7:24-28)

We can even commit idolatry in the name of the church,  sabotaging our our walk with God.  Human beings, every one of us, have been created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-28). Yet we are constantly tempted to shift the relationship to our advantage... to view God as no more than a super-human, someone created in our image to satisfy our every whim and desire.  We do that by transforming Him into a God that performs like a genie in a bottle... a grantor of our wishes and desires.  Someone once said, "Satan is the master counterfeiter" with the ability to make evil look good to eyes untrained in spiritual discernment.  No kidding!Trying to reshape God in our own image is idolatry of a very serious nature, especially when we can fall into it without even knowing we're being engulfed. 

That's all the more reason to know who God really is as revealed in Scripture. All the more reason to know God at the deepest level, to pray constantly, to be in fellowship with like-minded believers with whom you can share the challenges and travails of your journey in Christ.  Your choices in life, must reflect obedient, patient submission [conformity] to the holy and righteous standards of God.  All else becomes the seeds of idolatry.

Whether we admit it to ourselves or not, Christians choose every day between the tables of demons and the table of the Lord.   Who will you commune with? 

It's very sobering to read about the Corinthians, because the so-called stronger Christians don't seem to have been aware of the danger they faced from doing everyday simple things... pursuing their rights and freedoms but in do so communing with demons. They didn't realize the implications of the choices before them, but they were choosing nevertheless... and it was the wrong choice. 

Think and pray on these things and review the choices and the influences that bear heavily on your life.

Place God at the CENTER of your Life Choices...

Personal choices, making decisions that work, that last, that add solidarity to your life  can be very challenging for some folks.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  However, to lesson the stress and burden of making choices, you will need to learn a life changing lesson.  It’s learning to consistently think about what you’re planning to do, with God at the center of your decision making process.  

Our choices and decisions can be condensed down to two questions: first, does my choice [an action or opportunity] reflect who I am in Christ? Second, does my choice/decision bring me closer to the purposes for which I was created?  Coming to terms with these two questions, and using them as the filter through which we make our life choices, frees us from the paralysis of poor life choices. 

Many of us are stuck, sometimes paralyzed, when it comes to making choices because we’ve never taken the time to figure out who we are and determine where we're going. 

As a Christ-follower, a Christian, we know ourselves best when we are immersed in a relationship with Jesus Christ.  We must be constantly seeking Him and allowing the Holy Spirit to transform us into creatures worthy of the spiritual relationship God has extended to us.  In getting to know Christ, we come to know ourselves and our limitations. This liberates us to live authentic lives, free from the false freedom of choices based on worldly philosophies and flawed wisdom, that distract us from a life of meaning and purpose “in step” with Christ.

What you believe about God affects the way you approach life—often in ways you don’t even realize.  Worldly wisdom does not come close to defining true freedom.  When we make choices and decisions based on the things, the desires and the pursuits of a fallen world, we are rejecting God’s wise counsel and protection of our souls.  Do you at times feel as if God limits you, or liberates you?  Do you think He is more interested in correcting you or connecting with you?  And when you hit a rough spot and start looking for help, do you believe God is against you or on your side?   In all of life’s situations and circumstances, driven by the desires of the heart, we either make the path forward easier or more complicated than it needs to be, based on the criteria we use to make our choices.

God’s Word opens our eyes to everything He does and want to do for and with us.  When you live in God’s purpose, enveloped by His identity, you will find your own true identity, your true value, and your unique purpose on earth.  

Maybe its time to stop trying to be someone else and enjoy being yourself as you join with God in doing the work of His kingdom. When God looks at you He always says “yes”  but you might not be listening, because you’ve not immersed yourself in getting to know Him in ways that reveal who you really are and how much you need His help. 

It’s time to live like you know it.

It’s Time to Man Up!

In an October 4, 2011, article produced for CNN, William J. Bennett, former Secretary of Education during the Reagan presidency, wrote this commentary: "Today, 18-to-34-year-old men spend more time playing video games a day than 12-to-17-year-old boys. While women are graduating college and finding good jobs, too many men are not going to work, not getting married and not raising families. Women are beginning to take the place of men in many ways. This has led some to ask... Do we even need men?”

"So what's wrong? Increasingly, the messages to boys about what it means to be a man are confusing. The machismo of the street gang calls out with a swagger. Video games, television and music offer dubious lessons to boys who have been abandoned by their fathers. Some coaches and drill sergeants bark, 'What kind of man are you?' but don't explain what it means to be a man.”

"Movies are filled with stories of men who refuse to grow up and refuse to take responsibility in relationships. Men, some obsessed with sex, treat women as toys to be discarded when things get complicated. Through all these different and conflicting signals, our boys must decipher what it means to be a man, and for many of them it is harder than ever before to figure out.”

"For boys to become men, they need to be guided through advice, habit, instruction, example and correction. This is true for all ages. Someone once characterized the two essential questions Plato posed... Who teaches the children, and what do we teach them? Each generation of men and women have an obligation to teach the younger males (and females, of course) coming behind them. William Wordsworth said, 'What we have loved, others will love, and we will teach them how.' When they fail in that obligation, trouble surely follows.”

"We need to respond to this culture that sends confusing signals to young men, a culture that is agnostic about what it wants men to be, with a clear and achievable notion of manhood.”

"The Founding Fathers believed, and the evidence still shows, that industriousness, marriage and religion are a very important basis for male empowerment and achievement. We may need to say to our 20-something men, 'Get off the video games five hours a day, get yourself together, get a challenging job and get married.' It's time for men to man-up."  [End of Bennett’s Commentary]

If only God’s wisdom and counsel would prevail in today's society.  Maybe our young men would be growing to manhood and taking their rightful places in God’s order of things.   Unfortunately, in our era of seeking escape from reality through various pleasures – slothfulness – a disinclination to work or exert oneself, is on the rise.   Who’s responsible for this growing epidemic affecting this generation of young men?

Proverbs 22:16 says... “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”   Deuteronomy 4:9 reinforces with this wise counsel... “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”  Finally, in Deuteronomy 11:19 we are admonished of the urgency and seriousness of raising our children, our young men in Godly ways... “Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

Parents are responsible for instilling these and many other Godly values and principles in their children. Without Godly wisdom and standards as the bulwark for life, what will be the fate of our young men in the twenty-first century? Will our young men increasingly be living perpetual childhoods, dominated by the mindless pursuit of electronic fantasies?  Evidence suggests that the distinctions between childhood and adulthood are blurring.  The inclination to “grow up” is no longer a passion for young people, especially young men. 

Many parents provide childhood wants without requiring personal effort on the part of their child.  Laziness is a result of slothfulness.  In the child’s mind, he believes he can get what he wants without work.  As this mentality escalates with age, when he cannot obtain the things he wants, there is a retreat into fantasies, exemplified by the powerful lures of video gaming.  God’s reproofs of slothfulness are very painful. Proverbs 15:19 states: “The way of the slothful man is as a hedge of thorns...” A sluggard has trouble all through his life.  For this reason, we must help our young men conquer slothfulness in themselves.

How?  Instill Diligence.  Diligence is the general rule for success in life, and it does not require any special ability or even an education.  It is an intentional choice. Diligence is intense and persistent effort to accomplish something; its usually hard work and requires continuing effort.  It’s the basics of life, done well every day. Be early to work. Never miss a day. Be first to volunteer for extra duties. Ask for more to do when things are slow. Skip the  breaks. Apply focused and intense output for the whole day. Do not waste or steal time for personal matters. Stay until the job is done. Be more eager to punch in than punch out. Outwork anyone else around you. Enjoy self-imposed stress. Work extra hard on difficult jobs. Cheerfully agree to every assignment. Set records for quantity and quality. Avoid things that will waste time. Work as if the Lord were watching, because He is! 

Diligence is key to a successful life - no matter what aspect of life you are considering. Parents... demonstrate this character attribute in your life endeavors, talk about the qualities of diligence around the dinner table, and your children, your young men, will hear you.  From your marriage to your house, from your children to your soul, diligence is a main ingredient for successful Christian living. (Proverbs 4:23; 5:19; 14:1; 29:15-17).   

The Word of God is our Spiritual guide for every phase of life... from our youth to old age.