Living a God–Centered balanced Life

The idea of achieving work/life balance is a modern-day knockoff of the American Dream, rooted in the minds of ambitious yet overworked professionals who want to “have it all” – work and play, career and family.  

I don’t believe there is such a thing as “work/life balance.” You don’t hear people talking about finding a “family/life balance” or an “eating/life balance.” 

In today’s fast-paced go-go world, work usually takes priority over the rest.  Why?  Because work is what we spend the majority of our day doing, it financially supports our dreams, and it’s a core part of our identities (the first “small talk” question people usually ask is what you do for a living).  Add mobile technology to our career-driven lives, and work priorities now have the potential to take over our personal lives. When this happens, you are putting your relationships, mental and physical health, and overall happiness at risk.

The key to contented living is to walk the middle ground between extremes.  In Parenting, we are trying to walk the balance between being too strict or too permissive. In Finances, we are working at avoiding the extreme of hoarding on one hand and indulgence on the other. In our Personal Lives, we’ve got to find the balance between ambition and contentment. We need to strive to do better, but we also need to discover contentment with what we have.

The Fourth Commandment reads... “Remember the day of worship by observing it as a holy day.” (Exodus 20:8). Obviously, to God there is to be a balance between work and our worship of Him.  But as we read Scripture we also see that we are to spend time with our family, to take care of our bodies, to rest. To keep the proper tension between work and the rest of life is a very complex problem in today’s world. How can a modern worker give the proper amount of attention to a career and at the same time not neglect family, the church and personal time?

Start by identifying your particular perspective on work, family, church and personal time. Stack-rank them in order of importance and priority... this exercise will help you acknowledge whether you have extremes or you’re close to a balanced life.

Some people are driven by career and personal pursuit of success.  That would be the extreme on the achievement side of a spectrum.  Many today, for many reasons, are prone to underachieving, doing as little as possible to earn a living and provide for their family. The extreme of laziness.

Ecclesiastes 10:18 says of such people... "If someone is lazy, the roof will begin to fall. If his idleness continues, the house will leak". In other words, laziness produces a poor end result from inactivity and lack of attention to circumstances and environment.

The Bible has some harsh words for the lazy. 1 Timothy 5:8 says..."If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." The book of Proverbs has all kinds of admonishment against laziness. It says a lazy person sleeps in instead of doing what he should. "As a door turns back and forth on its hinges, so the lazy person turns over in bed" (Proverbs 26: 14). Proverbs 22:13 says... "The lazy person is full of excuses, saying, ‘If I go outside, I might meet a lion in the street and be killed!’" He rationalizes his inactivity. I can’t work today, the pollen count is too high. It’s Monday, people don’t buy on Monday. It’s Friday, people are knocking off early on Friday. Everything in God’s creation, from the ant to the human being, has a function and is supposed to work.  But the lazy person spends his energy finding ways to avoid that [God mandated] responsibility.  Okay, you’re not a lazy person.  But are you a workaholic?  

The workaholic gives an inordinate amount of time and energy to a career.  Jesus gave an excellent example of a workaholic in Luke 12:16 – “A rich man had a fertile farm that produced fine crops. In fact, his barns were full to overflowing… But instead of enjoying that success that God had given him, what did he do? He said, ‘I know! I’ll tear down my barns and build bigger ones. Then I’ll have room enough to store everything…’”  Jesus was not saying that we should never prepare financially for the future, but He was making the point that this man’s things were his future! He was so wrong. “But God said to him, ‘You fool! You will die this very night. Then who will get it all?’" (Luke 12:20).

The workaholic becomes obsessed with achieving. Such people convince themselves that they’re doing it for tomorrow, saving and storing for the proverbial “rainy day.”. Such career-driven folks easily rationalize that there’ll be a day in the future when he’ll be able to relax and enjoy his family and get his spiritual life together. But somehow that day never comes. Where the lazy person produces a poor result, a useless faith and contention, a workaholic produces greed, selfishness and a false sense of security. They think they’ll always have enough time to turn things around; they count success in dollars and cents and yet have no sense. For they have put their security in temporary things. Jesus says that’s foolish, because you don’t know the future and the things you have can’t be taken with you - "Yes, a person is a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God." (Luke 12:21).

We’ve traded the good for the best. It’s not bad in the eyes of God to have nice things or to work hard. But we’ve become so caught up in giving our time to the job that we have, in our stress and worry, neglected the best things – our relationships. 

In Luke 10:38-41 Jesus says something to a woman named Martha that we need to hear. "As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a village where a woman named Martha welcomed them into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was worrying over the big dinner she was preparing…...” But listen to what Jesus says to her.."My dear Martha, you are so upset over all these details!" What had Mary chosen? She had chosen to sit at the feet of Christ. 

Might not Jesus have been just as pleased with a bologna sandwich that took three minutes as He might be with a four course meal that took three hours? There is something better than our career, than getting our "to do" list accomplished... and that’s knowing Jesus. In her business, Martha forgot what was really important.

There is also the pursuit of stuff, material things.  Materialism contributes to becoming workaholic.  You work more to get more to buy more.   Like the rich farmer, we get caught up in the "I want" syndrome. We aren’t satisfied with anything ordinary; we’ve got to have a lot of whatever we desire and it’s got to be the best. And to get it, we’ve got to work harder and longer. There’s also the “keeping up with the Jones” where upper-middle class suburbia keeps score by the number of cars in the driveway, the luxurious vacations, big boats and so forth.  You’ve heard the expression... “he who dies with the most toys wins...” maybe so, but you’re still dead!  For many people, peer acknowledgement and prestige matters more than anything else.

Another stumbling block is escape, where the only real satisfaction in life is found at work. But the time is only part of the problem. People hung up on career achievement give their primary emotional energy to their work. We give our best efforts to work, and then our family and our faith get the emotional leftovers.

The philosophy of this age says, Success at work equals success at life. But that is so far removed from what God calls success. The world evaluates our success in life by status symbols. God evaluates our success in life by spiritual depth and by balance, neither lazy nor a workaholic.

If your life is out of balance, how do you get re-balanced? Here’s a short list of practical strategies that may help you.

Recognize that it is God’s desire that you live a balanced life. The fourth commandment in Exodus 20 instructs us to work. But it also commands us to rest. Why did God say to rest at least one day a week? Because He knows how we are constructed. He knows in the long run we’ll be more productive and effective if we have balance, if we have a change of pace. When you take time off, you’re not disobeying God – you are living life His way, by His design and in His desire.

Schedule a personal appointment with your family. You get the necessary things done at work probably because, for the most part, you’ve scheduled it. You know what time you’re supposed to be there, what time your deadlines are due, when your appointments are. One of the real secrets in living the balanced life as God has planned is to schedule the other areas of life too. 1 Timothy 5:8 says that if you neglect your family you are worse than an unbeliever!  At least once a month, choose a Saturday or an evening and make a "family night" out of that time. Have devotions together, play a game together, eat supper by candlelight and don’t answer the phone... any phone, text, messages, emails, etc. etc. . Make it a time where just your family is together. Put your kids’ ball games and activities in your calendar. Pick one other night or Saturday a month and make that a "date night" where you and your spouse get out of the house without the kids. Do it! We budget our money; why shouldn’t we budget our time as well?

Cultivate an interest outside of your work. Some people say, "Well, my work is my hobby, I don’t really need anything else." It is good if you enjoy what you’re doing, but all of us need some diversion, something that gets our minds off the job. Proverbs 14:30 says, "A relaxed attitude lengthens a man’s life." There’s an old Indian proverb that would agree with that. It says, "You will break the bow if you keep it always bent.” I hear people say, "I’m too busy to play tennis, no time for crafts." I believe people who say that are busier than Jesus. He often took time away, to relax and to renew His mind. Develop something where you can find fulfillment – painting, gardening, sports, hunting, fishing, hiking, browsing antique shops... you decide what works for you.

We must keep reminding ourselves of the “one thing” that is the most important. Remember what Jesus said to Martha? “There is really only one thing worth being concerned about.” It was knowing Him. As it says so succinctly in Matthew 6:33... “Our heavenly Father already knows perfectly well what you need, and he will give it to you if you give him first place in your life." So we can say, “Sunday is God’s, along with a regularly scheduled quiet time with Him. That is going to take priority.” That’s the best tangible way to put Him first. For many, Sunday can be a work day. So, make sure you still have a time with God on that day. A time when you are learning about Him, a time when you are talking to Him. 

Is God important to you?  Your actions will declare your true heart and attitude towards Him. Many folks use excuses like... “I’m too tired to go to church, Sunday is my only day to get all my errands done...” seriously, God just wasn’t important enough for such people to be in church. We know all the excuses, because we’ve all used them. The plain hard cold fact is that the other things are more important... than honoring God with your worship.

But it’s not just about going to church. Jesus is to be first all week too. When we study Jesus’ life we see Him scheduling daily time to be with God. Every day we are saturated with worldly values of materialism, prestige, popularity, or power. But Jesus said, "No one can serve two masters, either you will hate the one and love the other or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other.” (Luke 16:13). 

I suspect that we have made our lives a whole lot more complicated than God intended. In the end, it’s not so much a matter of our schedules or the demands of our jobs... it is a matter of our hearts. When our heart is in the right position then everything else falls into place. That’s why Jesus said, "Wherever your treasure is, there your heart and thoughts will also be.” (Luke 12:34). 

So, where are yours?

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.--Oscar Wilde

The most painful and hurtful thing you can do to someone doesn't necessarily involve deception; it usually involves telling the truth.  Hearing the truth can hurt. We admit it jestingly, but the old axiom has more meaning than most people want to acknowledge. When the truth hurts, one must choose either to endure pain or avoid truth... a distressing choice. The result? "The truth is heavy, therefore its bearers are few."

We are happier and feel closer to our friends and family when we do not have to acknowledge our persistent failures.  Don’t remind me of what I already know, but have chosen to bury deep within my psyche. If it stays buried, I can go on with my life as if the problems never existed.  I can create a fantasy world where all is well and nothing troubles me. I use self–deception as a "social lubricant" for it safely separates me from the realities I cannot face.  If you irritate my psyche by reminding me of my deeply buried shortcomings... it will cause me to confront painful and hurtful truths.

Few of us want to see ourselves as truth-avoiders, yet quite often people let themselves believe that truth is only relative. People who believe truth is only relative can only be "relatively truthful” with themselves and others. Many would never steal, lie, or cheat, but being truthful is not merely saying or doing truth in a particular circumstance. Being truthful also involves what a person thinks, feels and does in life.  Real truth involves choices, decisions, attitudes, consequences and outcomes.  If ones choices are not so good, they will string together like an unbearable heavy chain that entangles every aspect of one’s life. 

Genuinely truthful people make mistakes all the time.  They sin, they get off track spiritually. However, they are deeply rooted in truth, standing on truth, growing in truth and truth is the fruit of their being. They have truth in their "inner parts" (Psalm 51:6). To remain truthful, they must continually measure not only their actions, but their attitudes against that holy standard.  Rather than deceiving one’s self, they are constantly looking in the mirror, self-evaluating, self-appraising  and measuring against the only meaningful standard for life... The Word of God.  In light of His Word such people will readily acknowledge shortcomings and weaknesses and seek His perspective and counsel on how to fix whatever is fixable. 

When does truth hurt? Truth confronts us with that which we do not want to know... do not want to acknowledge and do not want to accept. For example:  Truth hurts when it requires us to stop doing what we want to do, or requires us to start doing what we don't want to do. It cuts through excuses and requires us either to do what is right…or sacrifice our view of ourselves as someone who is not doing what they know they should. Some avoid that choice by blurring the line between what is true and what isn't. Our world has become so full of blurry lines that many people don't realize that reality is not actually ambiguous by nature.

Truth is painful when it focuses on our own responsibilities and shortcomings instead of allowing us to focus on everyone else's. It emphasizes our own need to change and grow. In the midst of conflict, we like to believe that we are right, that we are innocent and that our suffering is the result of someone else's insensitivity. But truth causes us to see ourselves as helpless as we truly are. All of us are sometimes wrong, sometimes guilty and sometimes we use our emotions, words, and even our actions to manipulate or hurt others. It is painful to see ourselves as we are—so much so that some people try very hard to avoid it.

Yet when truth is painful, or requires something a person does not want to accept, they often act as though it is somehow negotiable, or worse, non-existent.  We are daily bombarded with media and much of what we see and hear does not encourage the need to make sacrifices for the sake of truth. Our consumer society preaches a loud, much more agreeable message: "Enjoy as much pleasure and avoid as much pain as possible." Whereas few would admit to embracing such standards, many make choices as though they do, especially as regards the pain aspect. But unfortunately, in order to block, dull or control pain caused by wrong choices and behavior, people must inhibit their ability to perceive truth.

While most people will avoid truth at times, few see avoidance of truth as lying to themselves. We learn to tame our lies so we can live with them. To tame a lie requires that deep down, we must recognize that we have "winked" at the truth. Yet we do choose to perceive things in a certain way that may seem necessary for the happiness of all concerned. Some people try to tame lies by diluting the truth. But as the old saying goes... "Half the truth is still a whole lie."

Most people value honesty.  No one wants to be lied to. Everyone appreciates kindness. Sometimes, though, honesty and kindness collide. That happens when telling the truth would be hurtful... dredging up someone’s shortcomings buried deep in their psyche.  Now the conundrum... being “kind” usually involves telling a lie. How do we negotiate this clash of noble intentions?

God is truth. He is honesty. When we tell the truth, we conduct our words as God wants us to communicate. When we don't tell the truth by lying, [withholding bits of critical information], we go against what God expects of us. Often people lie, or water–down reality because they are concerned about getting in trouble or hurting someone’s feelings.  We must also understand the potential dilemma and the risk... we can blow our integrity with God, and that can be just as damaging to us as our words might be to someone desperately needing to hear truth. Perhaps for a Christian, a Biblical definition of lying could be summed up in this statement... Any time our word does not agree with God’s Word.

We lose our integrity when we lie, both in the eyes of God and in the eyes of those around us. Lying diminishes our relationship with God, as it decreases trust. When it becomes easy to lie, often times in pursuit of peace, we are heading down a path of self–deception, which can be just as dangerous as withholding truth from others. When we start trusting this flawed view often as a strategy to not hurt someone, we start justifying the sinful and harmful actions of others. Lying is a pathway to a long, slow walk away from God... for you and the person who needs your help.

Think about how the world would be different if no one lied…ever. At first it's a scary thought. After all, if we didn't lie people would get hurt, right? After all, you might hurt your relationship with your best friend by telling him or her they’ve missed the mark. Not being able to lie teaches us the importance of tact in our relationships and reminds us the importance of being prepared to “bear with one another” through difficulties that may arise when someone is forced to face an uncomfortable truth by our words of counsel. (Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:2,32)

Lying to gloss over and ease the pains of someone’s shortcomings is very damaging. Christians feel a need to be perfect and when they’re not, they feel the need to cover up their shortcomings. To hide what they’ve done or hide the fact that they’re still not the person they wanted or hoped to be. Christians feel this pressure because admitting any weakness or shortcoming calls into doubt all one’s good qualities.  We create shadow lives that shine on the outside, but are crumbling on the inside.

Our ungodly world conditions us to do whatever is necessary to "save face" or "protect someone's feelings."  Yet, as Christians, we have to learn to overcome the temptation to varnish over obvious shortcomings in our fellow Christians.  It can be frustrating at times. Fear is often the biggest emotion we must overcome when we face the desire to alter reality to protect someone’s feelings. Yet we must always keep it in our hearts and minds that there is a way to tell the truth that is good. We cannot allow ourselves to give in to our weaknesses and say something that is not truth. 

Accept that telling the truth will sometimes hurt. Just because you tell someone the truth doesn't mean it will always be accepted with open arms. Some people may be hurt by what you have to say. It happens. 

In the end, though, most people will appreciate the honesty rather than the lies. Anyone who hates you for being truthful probably has issues with what's going on in the first place and doesn't want to be confronted with the truth at the moment. Yet the fear of someone not wanting to hear the truth should never stop us from telling it. Sometimes God uses us to highlight wrongs and shortcomings in other people's lives.  

Okay... having said all this, let’s return to Paul’s question to the Galatians in chapter 4 verse 16... the title of today’s message.... “Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth?” 

There are those who will sing the praises of a preacher, a shepherd, a teacher, as he says things with which they agree. Let that same preacher, shepherd or teacher say something that is challenging or even outright contradictory of these individuals’ wants, behavior or lifestyles, and you will most certainly witness a abrupt change in their attitudes. 

The preacher, shepherd or teacher is now a meddling–insensitive–uncaring–unkind jerk! He is no longer delivering God’s truth but instead is advancing his own opinion. Formerly, heaps of praise were tossed his way, now anger and animosity are hurled at him. The preacher, the shepherd and the teacher have not changed. His mindset toward those he is shepherding and teaching has not changed. The difference in this scenario... now people are hearing something that offends their reality and urges them to change, and change, even that which is clearly demanded by God, is most often met with combative resistance.

What changed in the relationship between Paul and the Galatian churches? Did he become mean-spirited and hateful toward them? No, he had the same love for them as he had previously had. What changed then? Was the change not in the hearts of those brethren who did not want to be told what to do? Was it not the case that they didn’t want anyone correcting them? Did they not want to just keep on going the way they wanted to go, doing and living as they wanted, regardless of the eternal direction it was taking them?  Questions we should all ponder in our walk with Christ.

It is required of Christians that we speak the truth in love to one another (Ephesians 4:15). Doing so involves reproving and rebuking (2 Timothy 4:2) which by the very nature of the words necessary for rebuke, do not convey the sentiments of love. It’s sad that our doing what God requires, will sometimes turns people against us, but we must not hesitate to tell the truth.

In like manner, we must be sure that we ourselves accept correction when it is evident from the Scriptures that our actions are not pleasing to God. We must turn to God’s Word to determine the validity of the correction and then humbly accept it.  

The fool and sinner hate a reprover. The righteous love faithful reproof (Ps 141:5; Pr 9:8).

Your Inner Being... how is it doing?

It’s the most fragile, deep and precious part of you. Yet resides in a place unknown. Everyone has one. Everyone needs one. It weighs nothing. But means everything. It’s a stream, giving strength, direction, and harmony to every other area of our life. It’s a direct connection, to nature, humanity, and God. It’s the soul. How well is yours?  Very good question, considering our eternal destiny depends on the condition of our soul.

The Bible is not perfectly clear as to the nature of the human soul. But from studying the way the word soul is used in Scripture, we can come to some conclusions. Simply stated, the human soul is the part of a person that is not physical. It is the part of every human being that lasts eternally after the body experiences death. Genesis 35:18 describes the death of Rachel, Jacob’s wife, saying she named her son “as her soul was departing.” From this we know that the soul is different from the body and that it continues to live after physical death.

The human soul is central to the personhood of a human being. As C. S. Lewis said, “You don’t have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.” In other words, personhood is not based on having a body. A soul is what is required. Repeatedly in the Bible, people are referred to as “souls” (Exodus 31:14; Proverbs 11:30), especially in contexts that focus on the value of human life and personhood or on the concept of a “whole being” (Psalm 16:9-10; Ezekiel 18:4; Acts 2:41; Revelation 18:13).

The human soul is distinct from the heart (Deuteronomy 26:16; 30:6) and the spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:23; Hebrews 4:12) and the mind (Matthew 22:37; Mark 12:30; Luke 10:27). The human soul is created by God (Jeremiah 38:16). It can be strong or unsteady (2 Peter 2:14); it can be lost or saved (James 1:21; Ezekiel 18:4). We know that the human soul needs atonement (Leviticus 17:11) and is the part of us that is purified and protected by the truth and the work of the Holy Spirit (1 Peter 1:22). Jesus is the great Shepherd of souls (1 Peter 2:25).

Matthew 11:29 tells us that we can turn to Jesus Christ to find rest for our souls. Psalm 16:9-10 is a Messianic psalm that allows us to see that Jesus also had a soul. David wrote, “Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.” This cannot be speaking of David as Paul points out in Acts 13:35-37 because David’s body did see corruption and decay when he died. But Jesus Christ’s body never saw corruption (He was resurrected), and His soul was not abandoned to Sheol. Jesus, as the Son of Man, has a soul.

There is often confusion about the human spirit vs. the human soul. In places, Scripture seems to use the terms interchangeably, but there might be a subtle difference. Otherwise, how could the Word of God penetrate “even to dividing soul and spirit” (Hebrews 4:12)? When the Bible talks about man’s spirit, it is usually speaking of an inner force which animates or motivates a person in one direction or another. It is repeatedly shown as a mover, a dynamic force (Numbers 14:24) within us.

It has been said that there are only two things that last: the Word of God (Mark 13:31) and the souls of men. This is because, like God’s Word, the soul is the imperishable part of us. That thought should be both sobering and awe-inspiring. 

Every person you meet is an eternal soul. Every human being who has ever lived has had a soul, and all of those souls are still in existence somewhere. The question is, where? The souls that reject God’s love are condemned to pay for their own sin, eternally, in hell (Romans 6:23). But the souls that accept their own sinfulness and God’s gracious gift of forgiveness will live forever beside still waters with their Shepherd, wanting for nothing (Psalm 23:2).

Again... how well is yours?