Based on the actions and attitudes of many in our societies today, it seems that people like to bicker, argue and fight with one another about most anything. There is a lot of the “my way or else” attitude permeating interpersonal relations these days. The media is filled daily with reports of confrontations among people of all walks of life from neighborhoods to governments bickering and outright fighting with one another. It would seem the mantra of our age is to Speak Softly and carry a Big Stick... a slogan that implies the tactic of caution and non-aggression, but backed up by the ability to force your will on others through threats, intimidation and even violence if necessary.
The widespread use of 'Speak Softly and carry a Big Stick' began with Teddy Roosevelt. In a letter written by him in 1900, a year before he became president, Mr. Roosevelt said... "I have always been fond of the West African proverb: “Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.'' President Roosevelt used the phrase to summarize his attitude towards foreign relations... it suggests that you do not need to be a bully, loud, aggressive or confrontational (speak softly) but you might need the capability to defend yourself and what you believe if you need to (carry a big stick). Good ‘ol Teddy preferred the “stick” to soft words... as his aggressive attitudes about most everything defined what is known to this day as the “bully pulpit” –– a way of pounding those that don’t agree with you into submission.
Since then, the phrase has been widely embraced in what seems to be the beloved sport of human confrontation. It’s a way to warn your opponent, those who aren’t doing what you want, that “you carry a big stick” implying that you will resort to acts of intimidation and even threats of violence to get your way. “See things from my point of view, do things my way... or else I’ll punish you!”
That’s not the way people should conduct interpersonal relationships. The Bible, offers us a very different take on speak softly and carry a big stick with these words...
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:17-18
Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Romans 14:19
Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;… Hebrews 12:14-15
Wise counsel indeed for living at peace in the midst of a fallen world where “might and strength” are held in high esteem and “humility and giving in” are viewed as characteristics of weakness. The Apostle Paul in his letter to the Romans strongly exhorted: "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody" (Rom. 12:17). Paul places this responsibility squarely on each one us when he says: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
Christians should strive to "live at peace with everyone." However, Paul does acknowledge that “living at peace” cannot always be done with everyone in this fallen world. He says: "If it is possible..." Paul is conceding that a failure at peace is not necessarily the fault of the Christian. There are times when it is not possible to keep peace because to do so would be inconsistent with following God's commands. For example, we should not, for the sake of peace, sacrifice purity. James tells us that "wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving" (James 3:17). So, if keeping peace requires that we explicitly approve of someone else's sin, we should choose purity over peace. We should keep the peace as long as it is consistent with God's higher laws, without compromising purity and truth.
There are times when peace is not possible because the other party is just not willing to live at peace. Sometimes, our service for God, in itself, can inadvertently cause dispute and unrest. Witnessing for Christ can ruffle feathers. Living for Christ can cause resentment. Love for God can bring strife. At such times, peace efforts may fail. When it does, though, let the failure be on the part of those, who for some reason, are offended by Christ. In such circumstances, the better way will be... “speak softly and walk way” so as to preserve an opportunity to continue presenting yourself as an example of “salt and light” to argumentative and combative people. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1)
You can always walk away. You can doo whatever it takes to avoid confrontation that leads to bickering and dissension. Christians and peace should be constant companions, as Paul says, "as far as it depends on you." You are to "seek peace and pursue it" (I Peter 3:11). This means going out of your way to keep the peace. It means swallowing your pride and letting someone else have the last word. It means conceding your rights, at times, as Abraham did in avoiding conflict with Lot (Genesis 13:8-9). It means planning ahead in order to avoid contentious situations. It means controlling your temper, putting off arguments, waiting until you cool off before dealing with controversy, and not dwelling upon wrongs done to you.
Unfortunately, many Christians are argumentative, disputing everything. Christians, for some reason, find cause to bicker over every aspect of Christian doctrine, heatedly stating their earthly opinions about heavenly things. It seems that they would rather argue the fine points of theology than to edify each other and bring each other into a deeper knowledge of God. Christians, as well, are notorious these days for arguing politics, forcefully declaring how they feel the nation should be run. Why do we (citizens of heaven, cf. Phil. 3:20) get so heated up about the affairs of men? Sadly, Christians at large are not at peace with others, largely by our own fault. And failure at peace will usually be to the detriment of the unsaved, because strife leads to rejection of the gospel by those who desperately need to hear it from gentle Christians who can hold their opinions and tempers.
So, in the midst of our many spiritual battles, we are to do our best to live at peace with everyone. We are to peaceably wage our spiritual warfare. Indeed, it is largely through peace that we can win the spiritual war.
Today, l challenge you to embrace and learn to live everyday with, “as far as it depends on you” at the forefront of your interpersonal relationships. Don’t expect anything in return from another person... just simply go forward where “it is possible” and let the love of Christ in you, seep into their perspective of you and your relationships. Today, choose to live at peace with everyone! (Even if they bug the heck out of you!)
