In the words of CS Lewis... "Everyone says that forgiveness is a wonderful idea, until [you have] something to forgive [of someone who’s offended you]."
You may know from first-hand experience that conflict among Christians is damaging and costly. But just how costly is it? That may be one of the hardest questions you’ll ever attempt to answer. It is difficult to quantify the spiritual cost of conflict. How do you measure the pain, suffering, and diminished witness caused by Christians who fight one another? The mental and physical energy such conflict requires takes away from virtually everything good that could be accomplished for the Lord’s Kingdom, if not for the infighting, bickering and sometimes outright hostility and attacks.
The Apostle Paul was not stranger to conflict. He experienced it personally and he no doubt struggled with the emotional toll it took on his fellow Christians who got caught up in such behavior. He knew the solution, and wrote a letter to a man named Philemon about just such matters. His theme and focal point in the letter to Philemon is all about compassion and forgiveness.
The situation that prompted Paul’s letter is most interesting... a runaway slave. The Book of Philemon is a plea for compassion, forgiveness... grace. Most runaway slaves, if caught, faced harsh punishment and sometimes even death. Paul hoped Philemon who was a Christian man, would become a living illustration of the grace Onesimus had already received through the blood of Jesus Christ. Through his short letter, we can learn how to personally show grace in our own stressful relationships.
Here’s the story... the slave Onesimus robbed his master, Philemon, and ran away, making his way to Rome and to Paul. Onesimus was still the property of Philemon, and Paul wrote his letter to smooth the way for his return to his master. Through Paul’s witnessing to him, Onesimus become a Christian (see Philemon verse 10) and Paul wanted Philemon to accept Onesimus as a “brother in Christ” and not merely as a slave.
Some important insights are gains in these key verses:
Philemon 6: "I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ."
Philemon 16: "…no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord."
Philemon 18: "If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me."
Perhaps nowhere in the New Testament is the distinction between law and grace so beautifully portrayed. Both Roman law and the Mosaic Law of the Old Testament gave Philemon the right to punish a runaway slave who was considered property. But the covenant of grace through the Lord Jesus allowed both master and slave to fellowship in love on an equal basis as members in the body of Christ.
Paul had warned slave owners long before this incident, that they had a responsibility towards their slaves, to treat them as human beings, with love and compassion, the same way God views them. In Philemon, Paul was careful not to condemn slavery, for it was a deeply institutionalized part of all cultures in the Mediterranean world of that time. So he presented Onesimus as a Christian brother instead of a slave. When an owner can refer to a slave as a brother, the slave has reached a position in which the legal title of slave is meaningless. The early church did not attack slavery directly but it laid the foundation for a new relationship between owner and slave. Paul attempted to unite both Philemon and Onesimus with Christian love, compassion and forgiveness so that emancipation would become necessary. Only after exposure to the light of the gospel could the institution of slavery be obliterated. So what can we learn about conflict among brothers from Paul’s message to Philemon?
Think about these “three” things...
Work Out Conflict In Christ-Centered Community. Remember the ties that bind. (read Philemon 1–7) Paul’s letter to Philemon is a message of forgiveness, second chances, and mercy; a message about “equality in Christ” and the power of the gospel to transcend social boundaries... a heartfelt message about grace.
Only God Can Change Our Hearts. God is the only healer. (read Philemon 8–20) As humans we are limited in our capacity to effect change in our relationships. We can say all the right things and model all the right perspectives, but unless God empowers the change, we may as well try to catch and bottle the wind.
The Time to Reconcile Is Always Now. Bless others as you have been blessed. (read Philemon 17–25) The apostle Paul was mediating a rift between two believers, and we clearly see that he sets a high premium on face-to-face reconciliation. The time for reconciliation with a Christian brother is always now, never – after all the festering of wounds have dug a hole in your heart and planted the seeds of bitterness.
I think it’s important to note that of those individual’s who received a letter (epistle) from Paul, Philemon is the only one who was not a leader in the church. He was not an elder, or deacon, not even a teacher. Both Timothy and Titus for example who also received important letters from Paul were elders of the church. What great awe inspiring love is being demonstrated by Paul to Philemon, just a plain joe. Paul, an Apostle, was willing to stand-in-the-gap of potential conflict between Philemon and Onesimus, in every way... even willing to make financial restitution if needed.
Think about conflicts you've had or may even be embroiled in right now... Jesus "stood-in-the-gap" paying the price for our sin by dying on the Cross. He died full of love, compassion and forgiveness for that brother or sister who just happens to be "in the body of Christ" that you're bickering with... and he died for you too! What do suppose he thinks about fighting among those who have been cleansed by his blood?
Take a few minutes today... and read the book of Philemon. It’s a refreshing look at the fragile nature of human relationships, even those solidly anchored in Christ.
The letter to Philemon is vibrant with truths we often overlook. It’s not about church doctrine, but about our capacity for personal growth by unconditionally extending loving, compassionate, genuine forgiveness to our brothers in Christ when confronted with conflict.
