Marriage was designed by the Creator to be a lasting, stable union where the intimacies and blessings of relationships can be safely and purposely enjoyed. A Godly marriage is one where children can grow and be nurtured in a stable environment to become useful and productive citizens in the secular community as well as life-long servants of the Living God.
One of the tragic consequence of the pervasive defilement of our God-given institution of marriage, is the widely accepted view that children are an inconvenience—even among married Christian couples. Children interfere with their preferred lifestyle and independence. Some parents openly declare that they "just can't wait" until their children are out of the house.
What a tragedy for humanity, not to appreciate the great blessing of children. God has an entirely different view. The Psalmist wrote these words under inspiration for our edification... Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. (Psalm 127:3-5a, NIV).
There are not many people in twenty-first-century America with the Psalmist’s viewpoint on children. A modern interpretation might sound more like this... Children are a burden from the LORD, offspring must be His way of oppressing us... As the source of endless work and continual aggravation, so are the children of one’s youth. Unhappy is the man who hears his neighbor ask, “Do all those kids belong to you?”
We can understand why people might feel that way. Many children are rebellious, disobedient, disrespectful, and unmannerly... not very pleasant to be around. It’s no wonder that some people have decided not to have any at all when they see the results in other highly stressed families. What has gone wrong? Where did we lose sight of God’s perspective?
Psalm 127:1 may provide us with a clue. “Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.” Stable and successful families are built by God. He is the architect and the general contractor of the family arrangement. He has drawn the blueprint, and he wants to provide the direction and give the orders. All he needs are some laborers to work diligently with Him in designing a family. He needs husbands, wives and children who will study the blueprint provided in His Word, then follow his directions exactly and precisely. Any other process based on any other philosophy is going to result frustration and failure.
The basic problems in many families is simply this... a willful departure from God’s blueprint and a substitution of man-made philosophies for governing life. God is no longer the architect and builder. We are following instead the blueprint drawn up by psychiatrists, psychologists, modern educators, doctors, and even syndicated columnists who think themselves qualified by knowledge gained from books written by the aforementioned purveyors of worldly wisdom, to tell us how to raise our children. Much of the advice we get from these sources is good. But if some parts of a blueprint are good and other parts are faulty, the result is going to be a poorly built structure. The Bible is still the best textbook ever written with the best advice for managing all aspects of life, especially rearing children. We need to find out what it says and obey it. “Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain.”
It is somewhat gratifying to see an increasing alarm about the situation. Psychologists, Sociologists and others are warning people of the dangers of an unhappy home and are trying to offer advice that will help repair the damage. Will such efforts work? Not really. Unless people are willing to turn their hearts and homes over to the Lord, nothing will change. Listen to the Psalmist again. “Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.”
No ancient city was safe from attack no matter how thick its walls nor alert its guards unless God was protecting it. Likewise, no home and family is safe from the attack of Satan unless it has been consciously committed to the Lord, unless Dad and Mom have surrendered and submitted to letting God be central in the families affairs. God must be in charge, His Word must prevail above all other wisdom, if families are to weather the storms of raising children in a fallen world. The families where Jesus Christ reigns as Lord in the lives of every family member are homes that will tower above the rest in love, serenity, happiness, mutual concern for one another, and the ability to adjust to people, pressures and challenges from outside the home.
Some folks think there are other ways to produce a happy home. For example, Work, work, work, as hard as you can. Provide all the material things of this world for your children. Maybe that will make them happy. If Dad doesn’t make enough money to do it, Mom must go to work too.
Read on in Psalm 127:2... “In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat— for He grants sleep to those he loves.” The bread of sorrows is simply bread secured through toil and trouble. Food is essential for life, but God can provide it without taking fathers and mothers away from their children day and night to pursue that elusive and almighty dollar. God has no time for laziness. He blesses honest hard work, but He can supply the things we need without anxious efforts and ceaseless self-activity. God’s priorities are always perfectly harmonious and aligned with His purposes. Our priorities are rarely in harmony and often out of alignment with His plan for our families. The Psalmist says God provides for his beloved ones, literally, “in sleep.” The metaphor here being life lived in His will... brings a calm, restful, confident trust in Him. If you let Him, God will take of you and your family and all your needs. Might not always be what you want, but it will always be what you need.
Maybe you are well on your way down the precarious path of parenthood. When you look at your child, what do you see? A nerve-shattering machine, or a heritage, a glorious gift from the Lord? A house-wrecker, or a heritage, a glorious gift from the Lord? A work-maker, or a heritage, a glorious gift from the Lord? A source of embarrassment before your friends, or a heritage, a glorious gift from the Lord? A competitor for your spouse’s attention, or a heritage, a glorious gift from the Lord?
If you’ve experienced those feelings, maybe you need God to help you get your perspective straight. “Lord, help me see my children as a blessed gift from your gracious hand.” You may need to pray those or similar words many times a day for a long while, but it could be the beginning of some exciting new changes in your home, the gateway to genuine joy in your relationship with your children.
Children are much more sensitive to our attitudes toward them than we ever imagine. They learn to respond to us with the same sort of attitudes they’ve received from you. They act as they sense you are acting toward them, and that’s where most of their discipline problems begin. Oh, we love them, but they make so many demands on us that inconvenience and bother us. So our old natures rebel and we let them know in subtle little ways that they are a bother. What happens? Well, they become more of a bother. They won’t get much love and affection that way, but at least they’ll get attention, and that’s better than nothing. But they will grow up with hostilities, complexities, and resentments that defy description.
One day sooner than we think they’ll be gone, and you won’t remember the muddy shoes, the messy rooms, the embarrassing moments they caused you or the encroachments they made on your time. You’ll only remember the happy times you spent together. And you’ll wish there had been many more. There could have been if you had looked on them as a blessing from the Lord rather than a burden and a bother.
Children are not only a precious inheritance, they are also likened to arrows. There is a difference of opinion as to what this scriptural metaphor is intended to teach us. Arrows are a source of protection, and maybe the Psalmist was referring to the care and protection which children can give their parents in later years. But arrows, unlike swords, could go where the warrior himself could not reach. Such is the case with our children. From many a godly home arrows have reached to the ends of the earth, carrying the gospel message to sin-darkened hearts. They were like arrows in their Father’s [God’s hand] hand.
But arrows have to be made. They don’t just happen by accident and they won’t ever happen in a dysfunctional family. God gives us a child like a raw piece of wood, and asks us to shape him. So we whittle, sand, and polish, fashioning that stick into an arrow, straight and strong. Children are not just an inheritance, they are a sacred trust. God loans them to us for awhile to prepare them for His use. Remember, He is the great Potter and in our children, He allows us to work with Him in shaping our them into worthy vessels for His use.
Our children belong to God, and the sooner we acknowledge that, the more willing we will become in working with Him in the shaping process. One dramatic way of acknowledging it is to dedicate them to God. If they belong to him anyway, then let us decisively acknowledge that by consecrating them to his use for his glory just as Hannah and Elkanah did with their son, Samuel (1 Sam. 1:9-28). Let us promise God that with his help we will mold their young lives into the kind of people He wants them to be. Set up a life-long pattern of accountability to God where your children are concerned. Hold yourself to your commitment and God will bless you abundantly.
A husband and wife ought to give their child to God even before he is born. And they should pray together after the birth of the child, willingly dedicating themselves to train him as God’s Word directs. The most important thing you will ever do as a parent for your children, is to covenant with God to raise them as a sacred trust... arrows to be shaped for God’s glory and purpose.
Raising children is a serious responsibility. Almost any job you pursue requires some specialized training before you’re qualified to do the job. But for the most important business in life, the shaping of young lives for God’s glory, we seem to think we can get away without any training or help. Too many people have the erroneous assumption that being a good parent comes naturally. On the contrary, it takes a great deal of study and continuous attention to the assignment. But God’s guidebook is available, and you can search it daily for the parenting help needed. Learn what God has to say about being a better parent.
The last verse in Psalm 127, verse “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.” How many children constitute a full quiver? That may vary with each couple depending on how many children you want to have. It can be one, two or twelve.
My quiver is full at four really cool daughters, but yours is between you and the Lord. It isn’t clear in the verse exactly who will not be ashamed, the parents or the children. But in a Christ-governed home where God is the builder and parents are laboring for Him, neither the parents nor the children will be ashamed of each other. But Satan, the enemy of God’s people, will be subdued and God will thus be glorified.
Isn’t that what you desire for your family? Dedicate yourself and your children to God. Ask Him to help you view them as a precious inheritance, arrows to be shaped, lives to be molded. Ask him to keep your eyes on the potential rather than the problems and to give you the wisdom you need for the great task ahead.
