"Christian Youth" leaving the Church in Alarming Numbers???

3 Common Traits of Youth Who Don’t Leave the Church

By Jon Nielson

“What do we do about our kids?” The group of parents sat together in my office, wiping their eyes. I’m a high school pastor, but for once, they weren’t talking about 16-year-olds drinking and partying. Each had a story to tell about a “good Christian” child, raised in their home and in our church, who had walked away from the faith during the college years. These children had come through our church’s youth program, gone on short-term mission trips and served in several different ministries during their teenage years. Now they didn’t want anything to do with it anymore. And, somehow, these mothers’ ideas for our church to send college students “care packages” during their freshman year to help them feel connected to the church didn’t strike me as a solution with quite enough depth.

The daunting statistics about churchgoing youth keep rolling in. Panic ensues. What are we doing wrong in our churches? In our youth ministries?

It’s hard to sort through the various reports and find the real story. And there is no one easy solution for bringing all of those “lost” kids back into the church, other than continuing to pray for them and speaking the gospel into their lives. However, we can all look at the 20-somethings in our churches who are engaged and involved in ministry. What is it that sets apart the kids who stay in the church? Here are just a few observations I have made about such kids, with a few applications for those of us serving in youth ministry.

1. They are converted.

The Apostle Paul, interestingly enough, doesn’t use phrases like “nominal Christian” or “pretty good kid.” The Bible doesn’t seem to mess around with platitudes like: “Yeah, it’s a shame he did that, but he’s got a good heart.” When we listen to the witness of Scripture, particularly on the topic of conversion, we find that there is very little wiggle room. Listen to these words: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Cor. 5:17) We youth pastors need to get back to understanding salvation as what it really is: a miracle that comes from the glorious power of God through the working of the Holy Spirit.

We need to stop talking about “good kids.” We need to stop being pleased with attendance at youth group and fun retreats. We need to start getting on our knees and praying that the Holy Spirit will do miraculous saving work in the hearts of our students as the Word of God speaks to them. In short, we need to get back to a focus on conversion. How many of us are preaching to “unconverted evangelicals”? Youth pastors, we need to preach, teach and talk—all the while praying fervently for the miraculous work of regeneration to occur in the hearts and souls of our students by the power of the Holy Spirit! When that happens—when the “old goes” and the “new comes”—it will not be iffy. We will not be dealing with a group of “nominal Christians.” We will be ready to teach, disciple and equip a generation of future church leaders—“new creations”!—who are hungry to know and speak God’s Word. It is converted students who go on to love Jesus and serve the church.

2. They have been equipped, not entertained.

Recently, we had “man day” with some of the guys in our youth group. We began with an hour of basketball at the local park, moved to an intense game of 16” (“Chicago Style”) softball, and finished the afternoon by gorging ourselves on meaty pizzas and 2-liters of soda. I am not against fun (or gross, depending on your opinion of the afternoon I just described) things in youth ministry. But youth pastors especially need to keep repeating the words of Ephesians 4:11-12 to themselves: “[Christ] gave … the teachers to equip the saints for the work of the ministry, for building up the body of Christ.” Christ gives us—teachers—to the church, not for entertainment, encouragement, examples or even friendship primarily. He gives us to the church to “equip” the saints to do gospel ministry in order that the church of Christ may be built up.

If I have not equipped the students in my ministry to share the gospel, disciple a younger believer and lead a Bible study, then I have not fulfilled my calling to them, no matter how good my sermons have been. We pray for conversion; that is all we can do, for it is entirely a gracious gift of God. But after conversion, it is our Christ-given duty to help fan into flame a faith that serves, leads, teaches and grows. If our students leave high school without Bible-reading habits, Bible-study skills, and strong examples of discipleship and prayer, we have lost them. We have entertained, not equipped, them … and it may indeed be time to panic!

Forget your youth programs for a second. Are we sending out from our ministries the kind of students who will show up to college in a different state, join a church and begin doing the work of gospel ministry there without ever being asked? Are we equipping them to that end, or are we merely giving them a good time while they’re with us? We don’t need youth group junkies; we need to be growing churchmen and churchwomen who are equipped to teach, lead and serve. Put your youth ministry strategies aside as you look at that 16-year-old young man and ask: “How can I spend four years with this kid, helping him become the best church deacon and sixth-grade Sunday school class teacher he can be, 10 years down the road?”

3. Their parents preached the gospel to them.

As a youth pastor, I can’t do all this. All this equipping that I’m talking about is utterly beyond my limited capabilities. It is impossible for me to bring conversion, of course, but it is also impossible for me to have an equipping ministry that sends out vibrant churchmen and churchwomen if my ministry is not being reinforced tenfold in the students’ homes. The common thread that binds together almost every ministry-minded 20-something that I know is abundantly clear: a home where the gospel was not peripheral but absolutely central. The 20-somethings who are serving, leading and driving the ministries at our church were kids whose parents made them go to church. They are kids whose parents punished them and held them accountable when they were rebellious. They are kids whose parents read the Bible around the dinner table every night. And they are kids whose parents were tough but who ultimately operated from a framework of grace that held up the cross of Jesus as the basis for peace with God and forgiveness toward one another.

This is not a formula! Kids from wonderful gospel-centered homes leave the church; people from messed-up family backgrounds find eternal life in Jesus and have beautiful marriages and families. But it’s also not a crapshoot. In general, children who are led in their faith during their growing-up years by parents who love Jesus vibrantly, serve their church actively and saturate their home with the gospel completely, grow up to love Jesus and the church. The words of Proverbs 22:6 do not constitute a formula that is true 100 percent of the time, but they do provide us with a principle that comes from the gracious plan of God, the God who delights to see his gracious Word passed from generation to generation: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Youth pastors, pray with all your might for true conversion; that is God’s work. Equip the saints for the work of the ministry; that is your work. Parents, preach the gospel and live the gospel for your children; our work depends on you.

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Jon Nielson is the college pastor at College Church in Wheaton, Illinois. Jon is currently working toward his Doctor of Ministry degree at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He has authored two books: Bible Study: A Student’s Guide (P&R, 2013) and The Story: The Bible’s Grand Narrative of Redemption (P&R, 2014).

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WHEN PEOPLE RUB YOU THE WRONG WAY

Much of the Christian life comes down to how well we get along with other people. Scripture makes it plain that God places tremendous value on unity, which Paul the Apostle stressed repeatedly throughout his letters to all congregations from Galatia to Colossae. It goes without saying.. the ability to get along with others requires a great deal of effort. 

Our natural tendency is not to get along—even when things are going well. As we go through life, some people will rub us the wrong way.  It should be no surprise to anyone, there will be times when you yourself find that YOU rub someone else the wrong way.  Its a two-way street.

There are 22 "one-anothering" verses in the New Testament,  essentially these passages admonish every Christian to work at getting along with other Christians.  They are in fact the foundation for most of what Christ is trying to teach us. 

We accept Biblical truths, we commit our lives to him, we die to our former self in baptism and rise to a new life.  That's where the journey with other Christians begins.   What happens?  We come face-to-face with all the sordid baggage, temptations and unsavory tendencies we all have – pride, arrogance, the need to feel and be important to name but a few.    It's a tall order to live in peace in Christian community when faced with this person and that person we don't much care for.   Our prejudices toward one another boil over in anger, bitterness and all forms of resentments.   

Often, our ungodly tendencies are enflamed by deep anxieties that seem beyond our control.  In frustration we lash out at the first person available, usually the person front and center.... like the preacher or one of the pastors.  They are such easy targets to attack.... everything they say and do is under constant unrelenting scrutiny.  There seems no end to the criticism leveled against these hard working servants of a congregation.  We get embroiled in unfortunate situations that quickly spins out of control and we end up hurting someone or being wounded ourselves by a fellow Christian.

Christ knew we would suffer from these destructive situations.  Therefore, He provided a strategy based on accepting each other as we are and learning to love one another without conditions.  Easy?  Absolutely not... its one of the hardest things you will ever do in life.  Can you do it?  You absolutely can. God has given us the counsel... we just have to be humble enough to apply it to ourselves.

There are FOUR attitudes that can make living together in Christian Community bearable...

First, we as Christians should always take the high road.

Colossians 3:12 says this... Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 

Paul reminds us that we are God’s chosen people, dearly loved and expected to live holy lives. This is our identity, and it should determine how we act. When we relate to other people, we should say to ourselves, “I don’t know where this person is spiritually, but I want my attitudes and actions to reflect Christ.” If others want to stir up trouble, that’s their choice. We should always take the high road to solving the conflict instead of getting even.  Taking the high road is a lot easier to do when we remember that we’re not perfect. Everyone made mistakes.  You know what it’s like to need forgiveness. 

Colossians 3:13 says this...  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Does that not suggest genuine sincere humility? That’s what it means to take the high road. Show others the same mercy you have been shown by Christ. Does this mean we sweep conflict under the rug and never deal with it? Of course not. It means that we don’t resort to anger and hostility toward those who don’t agree with us. WE are God’s people and our actions must show it.

Another important attitude concerns how we respond to others. Our actions are always more important than our feelings.

Colossians 3:12 said, “Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”  Paul used the phrase “clothe yourselves” because sometimes you have to cover your feelings by “putting on” the right behavior. Your feelings may be sending you in one direction, but you can “clothe yourself” with attitudes and behavior that move you in the right direction.

Never forget the power of Satan to cloud and confuse our reality.  We’ve been lied to about our feelings. We’ve been told that if we feel something it must be real, and that we should get our feelings out in the open so that we can deal with them.  That’s not the best course of action and almost always causes conflict.  Hostile, angry, mean, resentful words towards someone is not going to make you or them a better person, and it won’t improve your relationship. Just because you feel something doesn’t mean you have to say it, and don’t let your feelings control your actions.

Paul said, “Put on compassion, kindness, ... gentleness.” You may not feel these things, but you can “put them on”—at least temporarily. If you feel dislike for another person and show them kindness, you’re not being hypocritical, you’re being holy.

The Bible never tells us that we will be judged according to our feelings. It says we are judged according to our actions. You can’t always control the way you feel, but you can control the way you dress. Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

A third attitude of great importance is how you evaluate your actions and feelings.  Do you filter virtually everything through Christ?  Do you include Christ in every conversation,  every response to others?

If you’re having a problem with someone and angry words are about to explode out of you, ask yourself, “What would Jesus say right now about this situation?”  or even better... “What would Jesus say about the person you are having difficulty with?”  You may not always know what Jesus would say in a situation, but you’ll almost always know what he wouldn’t say! 

Gossip is a killer of relationships and unity.  The definition of gossip is saying something negative about someone who isn’t present to defend themselves. Even if it’s true, even if the person deserves it, even if it is presented in the form of a private prayer request—it’s gossip. Its destructive and its sin!  We need to make sure our conversation is filled with words that lift people up instead of tearing them down. 

Colossians 3:14–16 says this... And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.  Paul is saying, “Include Christ in everything, think about your attitude with Godly considerations and react to others as Christ would react.”

Displaying and reacting in a peaceable manner may make you think our conversations will become nothing but fluff, and we sweep all conflict under the rug. Not so. It does however mean that when we have conflict, we should discuss it with no one but the person involved. Otherwise, we keep quiet.

Finally, all Christians should desire peace and unity.  Our primary concern must be that of pursue personal peace. The key to developing peace in our relationships is to develop peace within ourselves first. 

Gossips and Critics of others are not happy, nor are they full of the joy of the Lord. People who constantly stir up tension in relationships do it because they have no peace within themselves; and people who have peace have no desire to stir things up. 

Colossians 3:17 says simply... And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

If you have not personally experienced the peace of God,  then it’s no wonder your relationships are rocky. You can’t give to someone else what you don’t have. 

Paul also reminds us that peace is the result of being filled with the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22). If other people frequently disappoint you ... if your children get on your nerves all the time... if you notice when other people don’t do things the way you think they should, and don’t live up to your expectations... maybe the source of the problem can be traced to the fact that you aren’t experiencing the peace of God in your life – The HOLY SPIRIT is NOT active!  Once you experience God’s peace, you will lose all interest in conflict, you will lose any desire to be judgmental, and you will lose the tendency to be on edge.

Getting along with others may not always be easy, but it’s possible. It happens when you make the effort. Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart, and you will be less likely to be rubbed the wrong way.  Of course, you still might rub others the wrong way—even without trying. When that happens, [1] take the high road, remember that [2] your actions are more important than your feelings, [3] include Christ in every conversation, and [4] let the peace of Christ rule in your heart.

Tim Tebow Foundation on Peace at Christmas

With the holiday season underway, the Tim Tebow Foundation is offering people tips on how to overcome struggles with stress and feelings of inadequacy.

The Foundation, formed by 28-year-old NFL hopeful and SEC college football analyst Tim Tebow, recently posted an article on its website titled "Five Tips to Thrive During The Holidays" and uses scriptures to encourage people who may not be experiencing joy during the holidays. The first tip is based on the phrase "comparison is the thief of joy" and Psalm 23:1, which reads, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want."

"The holiday season can often go from a season of thanksgiving, to a season of being more aware than ever of the things we do not have. Before long, we begin to believe lies about ourselves, and the discontent becomes consuming. God has orchestrated your life, your family and your story to be perfectly individual. When we compare ourselves to others, we rob ourselves of the joy that exists in being exactly who God created us to be."

The second tip focuses on being grateful and encourages people to "give thanks" to the Lord as it states in Psalm 9:1.

"Start a list. It can be for the whole family, or for your eyes only, but be purposeful in identifying moments for which you are grateful throughout the holidays. The list can be comprised of simple moments such as a crisp morning, a relaxing evening of watching classic Christmas movie with family, or a conversation with a relative," Tebow's website suggests. "The holidays can be filled with temptation to dwell on the things we are lacking. In the times you face this temptation, your strongest weapon is a grateful heart."

The third suggestion focuses on waiting with purpose and focuses on Isaiah 9:6, which reads,

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

"During Christmas, we celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. We desire for the days leading up to Christmas to fly by, preparing for the event with stockings, Christmas lights, manger scenes, baked goods and gifts," the article reads. "But, in the time leading up to Christmas Day, how often do we stop and ask ourselves if we are preparing our hearts for the coming of the Lord? The time leading up to the holidays presents the perfect opportunity to center our hearts on what truly matters – that with Christ's birth, we were given the gift of eternal life."

The fourth piece of advice suggests to stay rooted in truth because "the truth will set you free," according to John 8:32.

"In the holiday season, it is easy to quickly become overwhelmed. We face the intimidating tasks of preparing meals for large groups, traveling to see family, buying gifts, all while trying to maintain a joyful, Christ-centered perspective," the article says. "In this season, it is more important than ever to remain rooted in truth. Seek to glorify the Lord in everything."

Finally, The Tim Tebow Foundation suggests that people work to grow in their belief since "whatever is born of God overcomes the world," according to 1 John 5:4.

"The holiday season is the perfect time to take the things we know in our heads, and commit to planting them more fully in our hearts. As you encounter people and create memories, take the time to see the abundance of God's faithfulness in your life," the website states. "By reflecting on God's presence in our daily lives, we can be encouraged by His goodness and sovereignty in everything."

While Tebow's foundation makes it clear that the holiday season will not be perfect, it speaks about finding ways to live in abundance.

"Life is messy, but it is in the messes that we are reminded of life's authenticity. Christmas trees fall down and turkeys get overdone. The truth is, we are called to a life of abundance, and it is often in the worst of messes that our eyes are opened to the outpouring of grace Christ consistently bestows on us."

Tebow has been vocal in the past about making his foundation a priority and previously spoke about wanting people to focus on the humanitarian legacy he is working to build.

"I hope that when I'm 90 years old, I've accomplished a legacy that isn't all about me. I hope it's a legacy about the people who our foundation helps," Tebow told People magazine last year. "We're about to open a hospital in the Philippines. We'll have this hospital where we can help kids who are hurting; healing them physically but encouraging them emotionally and spiritually as well."

The Tim Tebow Foundation has built playrooms in children's hospitals all over the world, granted sick children's wishes and created proms for special needs children.

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What is the Purpose in Life?

The meaning and purpose of life isn’t all that easy to figure out. To answer the question involves answering other questions... What does it mean to have meaning and purpose? How do you determine what that is? Do you determine your own meaning? Can you combine what you think is your own purpose with the purpose that someone else might have for you? There are lots of questions and no easy answers. Well, let me correct myself. There is an easy answer.

According to the Bible, our purpose, the reason we are here, is for God's glory. In other words, our purpose is to praise God, worship Him, to proclaim His greatness, and to accomplish His will. This is what glorifies Him. Therefore, in this we find that God has given us a reason for our existence--a meaning for our existence. We were created by Him, according to His desire, and our lives are to be lived for Him so that we might accomplish what He has for us to do. When we trust the one who has made us, who works all things after the counsel of His will (Ephesians 1:11), then we are able to live a life of purpose. How the particulars of that purpose are expressed is up to the individual.

Is there purpose in trials?

What if our lives are difficult and things go wrong? Are our failures and hardships for the glory of God, too? Yes, they are. We often thank God and praise His name when things go well, but we often turn our backs on Him and complain when things are difficult. Sometimes our appreciation and trust in God becomes conditioned on how well things are going for us. Ultimately, this is self-centered immaturity. Even though things can go wrong in our lives, the ultimate reason we are here is to glorify God--even through the difficulties. We do this by praising Him and trusting Him through difficult times.

Within this attempt to glorify God--in all things--we can then determine the particular meaning of our life that God has for us specifically. In Christianity, we are free to pursue God in all areas of our lives. For example, we are free to glorify God by being a doctor, a lawyer, a mechanic, a housewife, a father, a mother, a minister, an accountant, etc. If the ultimate goal in life is to bring glory to God, then we can do that by being the best at what we do in the various callings of life. So, as the Bible says, "...whatever you do, do all to the glory of God," (1 Corinthians 10:31).

There are those who will not like this. There are those who will deny that God has made us. For them, they want to determine their own purpose and path in life. They must decide for themselves what is meaningful to them. They want their independence. They want to proclaim what is good and bad in their own hearts and determine their purpose based on their desires. But the problem is that this becomes self-serving. When we do what we think is right in our own eyes, we often make mistakes, especially when we deny God. When a child says, "I want, I want, I want," he is showing his immaturity and self-centeredness. Adults become other-centered as is demonstrated by the sacrifices involved in parenthood and marriage. As we grow older, we realize the value in considering the interests of others. "Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others," (Philippians 2:4). In this, we learn that purpose is best defined not by selfish desires but by the ability to love and consider others more important. This carries over to receiving a purpose from God. If we are selfish and want to determine our own purpose, then how is that truly loving? After all, if love is other-centered, then shouldn't we love God, center our lives on Him, and humble ourselves before Him in His wisdom and trust what He desires for us? Think about it. He knows infinitely more than we do, and by trusting Him, we can discover the ultimate purpose of our lives. It makes sense.

Avoid moralistic concepts for life and living.  The Golden Rule, the popular ethic of reciprocity, is a moral maxim or principle of altruism found in nearly every human culture and religion, suggesting it is related to a fundamental of human nature. While it sounds nice, it is devoid of God.  

Moralism is simply doing what is good for the sake of being good, and usually for self-gain.  An atheist does that, but for those who claim to be Christians, our purpose is not our own glory. The meaning of our lives is to bring glory to God (Isaiah 43:7). Unbelievers do not know God. Therefore, they can only be moralistic in their self-determination of meaning and purpose. That is, they have no objective moral standard that exists outside of themselves and so they have no way of knowing what their ultimate purpose really is. They will then--at best--adopt a kind of moralism, a goodness that is relative to the preferences and situation and live a kind of conditional love. In that way, they cannot know what real goodness is. And without knowing what truly is good, how can they truly have a good purpose in their lives?

For the Christian the right thing to do is bring glory to God because there is no one greater who is worthy of trust, adoration, and worship. Therefore, for the Christian, we are to live to bring glory to God... how we do that is through prayer and study of His Word, the Bible, so that we might better know what He has for us.

In the Christmas Season....

He came to dwell among us... the child of promise, the man of hope... Our Savior!

Each year as we enjoy the Christmas season and the hopes of a new year, it is good for us to reflect on the uniqueness of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.  As believers in the authority and inspiration of the Bible we share the hope and conviction that the return of Christ is not only imminent, but that even those momentous events described in Matthew chapter 24 and Revelation chapters 6 to 18 cannot be far away. 

The world, for the most part, however, does not hold such belief or expectation. The world celebrates Christmas without Christ and this grows more blatantly obvious as the years go by. Many today even resent the singing of carols or any sort of religious emphasis or focus during this season of the year. Some have even suggested changing the name of the season to some secular, nondescript name, thereby eliminating all reference to the birth of the Christ child. In fact, do we not now live in an age in which only one prejudice is seemingly tolerated—anti-Christian bigotry?

Today, the only group you can hold up to public mockery and verbal ridicule without legal consequences, is Christians. Attacks on the Church and Christianity are commonplace in our society. As Pat Buchanan once put it, “Christian-bashing is a popular indoor sport.”

But this should not surprise us. The world view, which more and more Americans have opted to embrace,  is that of secular humanism with its hope in mankind and man made systems, not in the God-man, Christ Jesus. Ironically, the prevailing secular world view brings only despondency, disappointment, and discontentment.  Our world is full of problems with no clear solutions. The nations and governments are clearly unhappy with the job they themselves are doing.   Try as they do, nothing really changes.  Man searches for answers and solutions, but continues to find only frustration in his feeble plans.

This has opened the door for the New Age movement and its confidence in mankind, mother earth and the powers of man.  But New Agers believe in what amounts to demonic powers; the powers that are behind all the religions of the world, the cults, and occult. The world has always had its religious leaders and false messiahs. Christ warned that in the last days many false messiahs would arise, which, as John tells us will culminate in the appearance of the Antichrist (1 John 2:18, 22; 4:3).

Of the religions of the world, true Christianity is unique because it stems from the uniqueness of Jesus Christ, the greatest man who ever lived. In Jesus, we have One who has virtually changed every aspect of human life, but sadly, most people are completely oblivious to the reality of how He has so completely impacted the world. Certainly one of the great tragedies of the Christmas holidays each year is not just the commercialization of His birth, but the way it is trivialized even when people do speak of His birth and Christmas as an expression of the “spirit of giving".  How tragic it is that people have forgotten Him to whom they owe so very much.

The person, work, and life of Jesus Christ stands as irrefutable evidence against the secular world view and all the religions of the world regardless of their claims. No one else is qualified or capable to meet the needs of fallen humanity or restore that which was lost by Adam in the tragic fall of man.  Jesus alone is able to accomplish what no one else in the universe can, and, based on His death as the Lamb and His resurrection as the Redeemer/Savior, He alone, who now reigns as King is the source of hope and comfort in this tragic world in which we live.

As Christmas approaches may we consider the uniqueness of Christ. Let us never forget that we also need to recognize that His uniqueness demands our total allegiance and commitment as believers. It demands that we rearrange our priorities and stand as luminaries in a dark and dismal world holding forth the message of the unique Christ, the God-man Savior of the World. Jesus Himself sought to impress this mindset on His disciples when He said, “You are the salt of the earth, … You are the light of the world …” (Matt. 5:13-16).

In the person of Jesus Christ, we have one so unique that His life cannot be explained by natural processes. His person and life defy the natural. The uniqueness of Jesus Christ presents evidence, as Josh McDowell has so well said “demands a verdict,” that this Man is not only unique, but the Savior of the world.   Remember Him everyday, and honor Him in this season of remembrance of birth into the world He came to save.