Avoiding the Snare of Sexual Sin

Sometimes, despite the most compassionate environment, the best teaching and the strongest accountability networks, Christians still find themselves caught up in sinful relationships. This can be especially devastating to a congregation when one of its leaders... an elder or preacher, gets caught in the snare of sexual sin.

The Christian community doesn't always handle the discovery of sin well - especially sexual sin. Too often when someone has confessed sin and repented of it they remain excluded from fellowship, marked as somehow unclean or lacking self-control. That's where restoration comes in. Our desire must always be to see our friends restored to fellowship, encouraged and upheld as they seek to walk in obedience.

It is paramount to remember that the purpose of confronting any kind of sin is always twofold: repentance and restoration. Repentance means coming to our loving Father acknowledging that our deliberate choices to disobey him have violated his trust, and that our rebellion against the family rules has placed a barrier between us and the One who loves us so deeply. We feel the weight of offending our Lord, and so we go to him, confessing our failures and our desire to live otherwise. We ask for and receive God’s generous forgiveness.

Don’t say it can’t happen to you.
While most of us readily nod our heads in agreement, in our hearts we can still live in functional unbelief of this fact. We need to constantly remind ourselves of Paul’s warning to the Corinthians in 1 Cor. 10:12... Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. That means it CAN and COULD happen to anyone. We must be vigilant in this area and all others, for the world is broken, our enemy is against us, and our flesh is weak.

Repent of your pride and self-righteousness.
The Bible clearly teaches in Proverbs 16:18... Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Almost everyone I’ve ever known who has fallen into sexual sin believed they never would. So often, it is our pride that allows us to “push the envelope” and think we are the exception to the rule. It is also pride that can keep us from getting the help we need so that we could have avoided this particular fall into sin in the first place. Most affairs don’t begin on a whim. The seeds are sown in soil of an unhappy or tumultuous marriage. Men and women too... if there are currently problems in your marriage, please reach out to someone and deal with them now so that you don’t become a statistic later.

Put all the needed safeguards in place–and keep them there.
Prov. 16:17 says... The highway of the upright avoids evil; those who guard their ways preserve their lives. All of us know this is true, but are we living as if it is true? We know that we shouldn’t be alone with a member of the opposite sex, but do we keep that rule faithfully? We know we should have working porn filters on our computers, but do we? We can all agree any of our practices can be cumbersome at times, but situations like this remind us that they are more than worth it.

For the sake of the Gospel and the reputation of our churches, heed the warnings today and employ whatever specific practices you need to keep yourself pure and unblemished by sexual sin.

Don’t just have a plurality in place – have one in practice.
Far too many churches have a plurality of elders on paper but, in reality, have a preaching minister surrounded by “yes-men.” This kind of unhealthy leadership system only aids in the winking at and concealing of sexual misconduct.

If you are concerned about a member on your team, even if it is the most senior leader, please have the courage to sound the alarm. Of course, this should be done personally, honorably, and hoping the best for all parties involved, but silence is often exactly what allows deeds done in secret to remain in secret, sometimes for years. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions. Too much is at stake to hope that sexual sin will somehow fix itself... it won’t and frankly you know it can’t.

Make your wife your partner in purity.
This can be a tricky issue. There is legitimate debate and concern over how “in the loop” one’s wife needs to be in such matters. I personally believer a wife needs to know enough to be prayerful, but not so much that she becomes paranoid.

Practically, this means that your wife needs to know that emotionally needy women are often attracted to pastors and preachers, and those leaders, often don’t recognize the danger right before their eyes. It also means that she needs to know that regular intimacy with her is a helpful practice that can keep you from looking elsewhere. It may also mean that she may periodically check out your phone or Facebook page for anything inappropriate. At a minimum, protecting each other’s integrity should be a topic of regular conversation. If you have nothing to hide or be ashamed of, then openness and transparency won’t be a problem, right? How are you and your wife partnering together for the sake of each other’s purity?

Never forget that we are in a spiritual battle with real winners and losers.
Though we may try to ignore it, we have three very real enemies (the world, the flesh and the devil) who are all more than happy to play their part in helping us flame out of our relationship with God. Satan and the kingdom of darkness are always benefited when a Christian, regardless of position or privileges in the church, goes down in flames because of moral failure. It’s like a “nuclear radiation leak”, it does severe and lasting damage on so many levels all at once. There is a simple “disaster preparedness” exercise that you might find useful in protecting yourself. Try this: Picture what would happen to your wife, your children, and church if you chose pride and pleasure over Jesus in a moment of weakness. You will be jolted to your senses and driven to the Scriptures, the comfort and security of your wife, and trusted accountability partners to help you stay the course of purity. Remind yourself daily of the battle we are fighting.

The Scriptures are explicitly clear – sexual sin is both damaging and deadly to all it affects – especially leaders in the congregation.

For the sake of God who is Holy and your own quest to live holy lives, don’t allow yourself to become a statistic. Pray for those closest to you that they don’t become statistics. Take the steps necessary to walk in integrity. God is with us, available to us, to help us through anything that tempts us... use Him!

Prepare yourself everyday to run your race strong and pure and holy and obedient and righteous for the glory of God and the good of our families, our churches, and to be a shinning witness for Christ to the world around us.  

The Problems of Porn in Relationships

There are many struggles that a Christian will go through in their struggles to live up to God’s standards. Some will fall away because they feel as if they’re giving up too much of the pursuits and practices they’ve come to enjoy.  Even long faithful Christians can become entangled in worldly things to such an extent that they slowly drift away from God and the brotherhood of believers.  Sexual sin is one of those powerful snares that can ruin ones relationship with God.

Christians are not exempt from sexual sin.  If you are one who has fallen into the traps of fornication, adultery, pornography, homosexuality, lesbianism, bestiality, or any other sexual deviation, then you need to stop. Stopping will not be easy to do! You must seek the help of elders in your congregation to help you begin the long and arduous journey of recovery, accountability and learning abstinence. You must confess your sins to the Lord and break off your relationships that lead you or tempt you into repeating such sins.  This may be hard to hear, but it is what is necessary for your eternal welfare.

Pornography in recent years has become a plague on our perceptions of sexuality. It has been allowed to define what is normal and acceptable. Porn addiction is a dark secret among Christian men and women. One that is undermining the cohesiveness of our congregations, our ministries and one’s personal relationship with God. The second being non-existent as long as you allow yourself to be a willing servant of pornography and succumb to all the bad behaviors it can bring into your life.

A new study done by Patrick F. Fagan examines the effects of pornography on individuals, marriage, family and community. Fagan is Senior Fellow and Director of the Center for Research on Marriage and Religion at the Family Research Council. He specializes in examining the relationships among family, marriage, religion, community, and America's social problems. This study is important for everyone to read as it demonstrates that it has damaging effects on individuals and families. In the summary Fagan explains,

Pornography is a visual representation of sexuality which distorts an individual's concept of the nature of marital relations. This, in turn, alters both sexual attitudes and behaviors. It is a major threat to marriage, to family, to children and to individual happiness. In undermining marriage it is one of the factors in undermining social stability.

Social scientists, clinical psychologists, and biologists have begun to clarify some of the social and psychological effects, and neurologists are beginning to delineate the biological mechanisms through which pornography produces its powerful negative effects.

Some of the findings inside the study include:
Pornography is addictive, and neuroscientists are beginning to map the biological substrate of this addiction.

Users tend to become desensitized to the type of pornography they use, become bored with it, and then seek more perverse forms of pornography.

Married men who are involved in pornography feel less satisfied with their conjugal relations and less emotionally attached to their wives. Wives notice and are upset by the difference.

Pornography use is a pathway to infidelity and divorce, and is frequently a major factor in these family disasters.

Among couples affected by one spouse's addiction, two-thirds experience a loss of interest in sexual intercourse.

Many adolescents who view pornography initially feel shame, diminished self-confidence, and sexual uncertainty, but these feelings quickly shift to unadulterated enjoyment with regular viewing.

The main defenses against pornography are close family life, a good marriage and good relations between parents and children, coupled with deliberate parental monitoring of Internet use. Traditionally, government has kept a tight lid on sexual traffic and businesses, but in matters of pornography that has waned almost completely, except where child pornography is concerned. Given the massive, deleterious individual, marital, family, and social effects of pornography, it is time for citizens, communities, and government to reconsider their laissez-faire approach.

You can (and should) download the study – CLICK here. QUESTION TO CONSIDER: Is your church leadership addressing the issue of pornography? Should it? How should it be done?   You can rest assured that inside your congregation, quite possibly nearly 60 percent of the men, with women not far behind, are engaged in repeated and persistent use of pornography. It’s time to act to turn lives back to a path of purity and holiness before God.

NEXT WEEK’S POST... We’ll dig into porn and how it can so easily ensnare and derail a Christian's walk with God.

NO ONE KNOWS...

Matthew chapter 24 commonly referred to as the Olivet Discourse, has perplexed many interpreters and caused a multitude of speculations, predictions and differing opinions about its meaning. It has in fact spawned entire religious denominations who have constructed fear inspiring end-times predictions around its content.

Jesus speaks the words. What might be the real lesson that He wanted to get across in his dialogue of Matthew 24? It seems reasonable that there are at least two specific intentions: as prophecy, and as a Christian living lesson. Jesus' words are a warning that his disciples, then and now, need to be spiritually ready for His return, because they cannot know exactly when He will return. The parables in Matthew 25 continue to admonish that same theme.

In Matthew 24:36, Jesus said, "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." This is Jesus' plain statement that he himself does not know when the “end of the age” would come. That may seem shocking, since he is the Son of God, the one who is returning, but nonethelessHis words are plainly spoken and clear.

Accepting this point clears up a lot of confusion about His intent of chapter 24. It tells us that Jesus was not meaning to prophesy about the specific time of "the end" or of his return, since he himself did not know when it would be. Matthew 24 was to serve as a lesson in spiritual awareness, alertness, the condition of our hearts and relationship with God. That intent would seem to dampen Matthew 24 as a basis for world events watching, calculating time and arriving at dates for His second coming. He did not mean it to be a "when" prophecy calculator. Jesus could not have been prophesying about when "the end" would happen, because he himself did not know... the day or the hour.

What we see in subsequent history is that Jerusalem has been the focal point of many turbulent events and times. For example, in A.D. 1099, the Christian Crusaders surrounded Jerusalem and massacred all the inhabitants. And during World War I, in 1917, British General Allenby took the city from the Turkish empire. And we are all quite aware of the central role Jerusalem and Judea continue to play in the strife between Jews and Arabs. While this part of the world has certainly been a hot spot of conflict over the centuries, these events in and of themselves have nothing whatsoever to do with “signs” of the end of the age.

To summarize, Jesus told his disciples that the answer to their question about when the end would come was this: "You can't know it, and not even I know it." That seems to be a difficult lesson to learn. After his resurrection, the disciples still pressed Jesus on the matter. They asked: "Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?" (Acts 1:6). Again, Jesus told them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority" (verse 7).

Despite Jesus' clear teaching, many Christians throughout the centuries have repeated the mistake of the apostles. Many have tried to prognosticate when "the end" would come, and have almost always said it would be "very soon." But history has proven Jesus right and every prognosticator wrong. Quite simply, we cannot know when "the end" will come. Why such leaders as Harold Camping of Family Radio and organizations like the Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t see this, is indeed baffling.

So what are we to do in the meantime, while we await Jesus' return? Jesus gave the answer to his disciples, and it is our answer as well. He said: "Keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come.... So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him" (24:42, 44). Keeping watch, being on-guard... these are very different things than predicting a day, a month, or even a year of when Christ will return.

Jesus' message in-a-nut-shell is really simple and easy to understand. The disciples are concerned by Jesus' teaching that the temple buildings will be destroyed. They ask when this will happen, and when "the end" and his "coming" will occur. They were thinking [and hoping] that Jesus would take the mantle of messiahship and inaugurate the kingdom of God in all its power, tossing out the Romans by force of arms and re-establishing the throne of David in Israel.

Jesus warns them against such thinking. There will be a delay before "the end." Jerusalem and the temple will be destroyed, but the life of the fledgling church will continue.

Future times will be characterized by violent persecution of his followers and terrible tribulation in Judea. The disciples are shocked at this information. They think the Messiah's disciples will be immediately and eminently victorious, the Promised Land easily conquered and the worship of God restored. What is this talk about the destruction of the temple and the persecution of his followers?

But there is more shocking teaching. The only "sign" that contemporary disciples will have of Jesus coming will be his actual coming... arrival. This "sign" will have no predictive value because it comes too late to matter for those "not prepared" for his second coming.

Jesus' point leads to his discussion that no one can prophesy when "the end" will occur or when he will come. Say it again... not even Jesus knows the time. Only the Father knows. Jesus took advantage of his closest disciples' wrong-headed thinking and turned it into a spiritual lesson.

Some will argue that the wide array of interpretations of Matthew 24 don’t really matter, however that is akin to a false sense of security. Understanding these important teachings of Jesus is critical to our personal salvation. We must watch our doctrine and teach only what the Bible teaches. We must not go beyond reason and logic in our attempts to understand any passage of Scripture. If we do, we will most assuredly end up on the wrong track, with an erroneous understanding of critical aspects of God’s word. We could even find ourselves lured into association with a body of believers who are essentially a false religion.

Like the disciples' who were with Jesus during those intense periods of learning, we today must learn the same lesson he has been offering to all believers throughout the past 2,000 years.

Look forward to the Lord's return... eagerly anticipate it... pray for it... live like He’s coming tomorrow or next week. Live responsibly, faithfully, compassionately, courageously as we await the Master’s return. (24:45-25:46) That was the concern of Jesus at the time of His return... that we be found worthy of salvation, ones who are living holy lives.

"Amen, Come, Lord Jesus" (Rev.22:20).

Why it’s Easier to Continue to Believe a LIE than embrace a TRUTH

How do organizations with a history of making “end of the world” second coming of Christ predictions, all of which have failed, continue to hold on to their followers? Why do such organizations often grow and flourish? Why do intelligent people get caught up, fervently and passionately, in believing such things?

Had you been a follower of Family Radio’s Harold Camping and his “end of the world” predictions, what would you have been thinking after “May 21st” passed with no change? What would you have thought after September-October of 1975 came and went and the battle of Armageddon didn’t happen as fervently predicted by Jehovah’s Witnesses for years? Would you continue to follow such organizations, even though in your mind you know something is seriously flawed in their theology?

Perhaps no other event in the history of a religious group provides as much potential for excitement and disappointment as predicting the end of the world. A prophecy can generate enormous enthusiasm among a groups members as they begin preparations for the paradise to come. In fact such excitement can become infectious, drawing many new members into the fold to await Armageddon.

However, one can also imagine few disappointments as great as the passing of a prophecy unfulfilled. At that point a believer must face the fact that all of the investments and sacrifices made in loyal support of the group may have been for naught.

One of religions greatest strengths is its otherworldliness – the ability for a groups leaders to preach so called truths that cannot be readily disconfirmed. Therein lies prophecy’s potential for excitement and disappointment. A fulfilled prophecy makes real what one had to take on faith. A failed prophecy, on the other hand, demonstrates that ones’s faith was mistaken, misplaced.

While we may be rightly concerned about the impact on the people who follow religious organizations that exist for predicting the second coming of Christ, I am not so sure the followers are suffering all that much. What does it take to be a true believer, a loyal follower of Camping or a Jehovah’s Witness when all they’ve predicted has failed to happen?

Five conditions must be present, if someone is to sustain a fervent belief [and support of leaders] after a failure or disconfirmation of an intricately developed prophecy.

1. A belief must be held with deep conviction and it must have some relevance to action, that is, to what the believer does or how he behaves.

2. The person holding the belief must have committed himself to it; that is, for the sake of his belief, he must have taken some important action that is difficult to undo. In general, the more important such actions are, and the more difficult they are to undo, the greater is the individual's commitment to the belief.

3. The belief must be sufficiently specific and sufficiently concerned with the real world so that events may unequivocally refute the belief.

4. Such undeniable disconfirmatory evidence must occur and must be recognized by the individual holding the belief.

5. The individual believer must have social support. It is unlikely that one isolated believer could withstand the kind of disconfirming evidence that has been specified. If, however, the believer is a member of a group of convinced persons who can support one another, the belief may be maintained and the believers may attempt to proselytize or persuade nonmembers that the belief is correct.

The psychological theory that helps explain human behavior and response to religious organizations that make frequent and repetitive predictions that fail, is know as cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding conflicting ideas simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance. Dissonance is defined as a lack of agreement; an inconsistency between the beliefs one holds or between one's actions and one's beliefs. It’s human nature to want to reduce and remove internal [mental] conflicts within our value structures. We do this by changing our attitudes, our beliefs, and trying to harmonize those changes with our decisions, choices and actions.

Dissonance can also be reduced by justifying, blaming, and denying. In the recent case of Harold Camping’s failed May 21st prediction, he himself used a blend of all three by providing a new date to his prediction, clarifying what the first date really was, changing a few of the basics, and continuing on to a new date... October 21st. His followers for the most part, are lining up right behind the new pitch. His followers cannot comfortably exist day-to-day without somehow fixing their mental dissonance, so adapting to the new prediction, clarified prediction and new date seems a reasonable way to achieve mental balance and peace.

However, experience or reality can clash with expectations, hopes and dreams. When people are experiencing cognitive dissonance because of a failed expectation, they will often feel shock, surprise, dread, guilt, anger, and usually embarrassment, especially among family and close friends. People are unwilling to think of their choices as not correct, despite substantial evidence to the contrary. This bias gives dissonance theory its predictive power, shedding light on otherwise puzzling irrational and sometimes destructive behavior.

Smoking is often presented as a classic example of cognitive dissonance because it is almost universally known that cigarettes can cause lung cancer, yet virtually everyone wants to live a long and healthy life. The desire to live a long life is dissonant with the activity of doing something that will most likely shorten one's life. The tension produced by these contradictory ideas can be reduced by quitting smoking, denying the evidence of lung cancer, or justifying one's smoking with a variety of reasons. For example, smokers could rationalize their behavior by concluding that only a few smokers become ill, that it only happens to very heavy smokers, or that if smoking does not kill them, something else will.

Once a person makes a life-changing decision that impacts everything, such as choices made in the context of religion, it is very hard for that person to discard their belief systems. Even in the face of failed prophetic predictions, people will cling to the alterations, modifications, new light and revelation, and special knowledge of the groups leaders as a way of defending their inner self. Dissonance is a threat to the self-concept. The thought, "I am increasing my risk of lung cancer" is dissonant with the self-related belief, "I am a smart, reasonable person who makes good decisions."

The most famous case in the early study of cognitive dissonance was described by in the book When Prophecy Fails. The authors infiltrated a religious cult group that was expecting the imminent end of the world on a certain date. When that prediction failed, the movement did not disintegrate, but instead grew substantially larger. How could that have happened? The true believers, sharing cult beliefs with others, gained acceptance and thus reduced their own dissonance. The more people who embraced the cult’s beliefs, the more inner peace was gained by the founding followers who could self-justify and rationalize that “what we believe must be right because many others are joining us.”

Why do Jehovah’s Witnesses continue to believe the heresies taught to them? Because the organization continues to grow. Why will Harold Camping and the Family Radio Network continue to flourish... for the same reason. Their respective followers will find ways in their own minds to justify their choices and decisions thereby reducing the mental anguish associated with their decisions (dissonance). They will cling to an organization, to the “special knowledge of men,” to dates and predictions, but give little heed to what the Bible clearly teaches.

So what happens when prophecy fails? When you look at the cultic groups throughout history that have formed around leaders who dogmatically proclaimed that The End would come in their own generation, and that they were God’s Mouthpiece to warn the world, you will find a common thread. The group’s leader proclaims that his prophecy didn’t really fail at all. He will adapt and fine-tune the next version of prediction. And he will retain a significant proportion of supporters and probably grow. Why? Because no one wants to admit they have wasted years of their life supporting a failure. Or a charlatan. Or a false prophet.

As we all know, it is often easier to make excuses than it is to change behavior. Dissonance theory leads to the conclusion that humans are frequently rationalizing but not always rational beings, especially in matter of religion... where so much is at stake.